Art Intimidating Life: The Ruins of My Mental Empire - Part Fifty One

one planet down, and now all that's left is one stretching and strained expanding universe - so high i can see it's curvature - so low i can see myself kickin stones down the rain stained alley-ways of Krakow - i walked around to find a bar, stopped periodically by sexy-ladies inviting me into strip-clubs - i find a place with a large neon sign outside that read, "bar" - inside, i'd been duped again, as it turned out to be another European beer-hall filled with people in leather jackets sitting at long tables. absurd in my eyes and experience - after one beer bought out of politeness, i hit the dark freezing streets again, intending to buy some beers from a corner shop, and finding a park bench to drink away the cold and embrace the deep night with a head full of songs - i was wearing my new black coat that i bought in an army store in berlin, so the cold didn't bother me - in fact, i taunted it - i sat down in the park on a damp park bench and sipped my beers - one in the hand, and the others at my feet

locals walked me by and didn't notice me as i couldn't possibly be a tourist - perhaps just silly - frost began to creep, stinging the night into a lonesome stillness - i felt my soul slot into true place - i felt connected, like a tree - eventually, a bottle and a half in, i had to take a leak, and begun scouting my surroundings for an obvious place for a drunk man to piss

behind me stood a cathedral of some sort, many hundreds of years old, and haunted by the history of human-spirit - nothing more than a tourist attraction these days - my eight sense told me no-one was around and it was okay to go - and so i moved across the black grass in my black coat and took a piss on this cathedral - no-one would ever notice and no-one would ever know - after a while i went a second time - and again, no-one would ever notice, and no-one would ever know - not even the police

they pulled up in front of me as i was half way through my last beer - i was polite and honest, and therefore they realised i was harmless - "what's your name?" - i told them - "write it down on this" - i wrote my name down on the piece of paper they handed me - "where are you from?" - i told them - the two cops began talking amongst themselves in polish – I assumed they were trying to scare me – a fine line between arrogance and my seventh sense - maybe i was lucky, and very close to spending the night in a Krakow prison cell - but i always knew they were going to let me go - "you cannot drink on the street in Poland" he told me, "pour that out now" - i poured out the remaining beer – a fair portion of it splashed onto my boots, a sign i'd probably drunk too much - i apologised and told them i'd walk back to the hotel - i did so, proud of myself – as proud as a drunk man can be at 2.30am anywhere in the world

trying not to wake up my girl, a particular sadness hugs my guilt - she was fast asleep and had been so since we left the bar earlier that night - always so peaceful and always so warm, the thought of disturbing her disturbed me - maybe that's why i stay out so late? – maybe that’s why I only go to sleep only when I have to – when im so tired it hurts – when im so tired I dream in reverse – I am beyond death

slipping under the blankets i thought about the heartbreak and confusion i would've caused if the police did take me in - i thought about her waking up, excited about our holiday – excited about another new day of new things to see and do – and then noticing an empty bed, not knowing where i was or what had happened to me - if i was hurt or dead - i thought about how unfair my place, my joy in this world, is to those around me – only to then melt into another dream dreamt in reverse