Art Intimidating Life - The Ruins of my Mental Empire: Part Seventy-Eight

i had listened to a slowdive album
their first album
in bed in the morning
half awake, half asleep
warm and happy
a good night's sleep
a good night out
at the bar with sam
we know how to do it
i got up out of bed and put on
edward sharpe and the magnetic zeroes
they had two albums
and i played them both
i got out some ingredients
eggs
capsican
"peppers" if you watch the sorpranos
mushies
a bit of bacon
pepper and chilli
and make some cool little omlettes
lady-elle came home from the gym
she seemed pretty cool
she helped me with the omlettes
they can get out of control pretty easily
we sat down and ate them
as the second edward sharpe and the magnetic zeroes album
came to an end
we teased each other, and gave each other shit
and laughed about it
we're both pretty good at it too
we hung out
i walked down to dixons
quietly chuffed that i live within walking distance
to melbourne's biggest colllection of second-hand music
i sold some stuff i didn't need anymore
the guy
doug
a blackburn / melbourne legend
gave me a good price
he only took half of the stuff
but i expected that
later i jumped on my bike
i cruised slow
nice and slow
around the lake
i hit the shops and pushed through the food court
so many people buying food
i walked to the cd shop
and scanned around
tim rogers had released a new album
and i wanted to buy it
i love tim rogers
funny, intelligent, and a waster
i could only wish if i didn't try so hard
i paid for it at the counter
and the guy at the counter was a little too friendly
i rode my bike home
i rode my bike passed my friends empty parked car
don't see him much these days
but i'll see him around
i stopped off at the bottle shop
and picked up a six-pack of beer
and paid for it
again, the girl behind the counter was probably a little too nice
i hope she enjoys her weekend though
i carried the beer home on my bike
got a few looks
from the middle-class in the cafes i cruised passed
good on 'em
when i got home
lady-elle was taking a nap
she looked pretty funny
i got some lunch ready
a light lunch
since breakfast was so nice
and really, not that long ago
i sat down and listened to some music
i thought about the most psychedelic things i could think of
and thought about how i could make a cool psychedelic video
for one of rick bain and the genius position's songs
black apple orchard - i reckon
im going to a wedding this afternoon
im drinking one of the beers now
i actually had two weddings today
i sent ian my best wishes
he understood that i couldn't make it to his wedding
i sent him a text
and he would have approved me buying the new tim rogers album on his wedding day
and also selling some stuff to doug at dixons
ian's a cool guy
i probably see him once a year
if that
i've probably only seen him 5 or 6 times in my life to be honest
we met at a robyn hitchcock gig in richmond
and kept in touch since then
sending messages to each other
mostly consisting of our love for whatever music we're digging at the moment
he got me into the soft boys
i was all into hitchcock's solo stuff
but anyway
im going to sink a couple more beers
brush my hair and put on a suit
the wedding should be fun
they always are
they're a trip
after that i got no real plans
i'll just lounge around tomorrow
sip on some beers
listen to the new time rogers album
fall asleep here and there
maybe make a video if i can think of something cool
take care
i hope you're well
i hope you're happy
i hope you're doing whatever you want to do
i hope you've found a way to get through
whatever works
that's my new mantra
whatever works
and push on

Art Intimidating Life - The Ruins of my Mental Empire: Part Seventy-Seven

the summer of love ended in a heated argument that grew fast from some whispered words in the next room - the winter of hate lasted for three an a half years - long enough to find yourself - long enough to discover yourself - long enough to forget yourself - i kept a photo of the apollo eleven lunar modual in my pocket - she wrote her details on the back of it and said - i'll see you on the moon someday - i smiled, and replied- why stop there? - she was the only person i could go to an art-gallery with - she was quiet and rarely spoke whenever in the presence of art, music, poetry, words - this was almost bad enough - in the presence of artists, she distracted me - i put on my head-phones and listened to some music - we met in the city square and walked around, oblivious to the hundreds of years of history we were walking through - though in three and a half years, we would've made our own history - three of us would be dead, and the rest of us wished we were

he was the type of guy to wear a knife and tell you about it - i poured him a drink, looking his wife in the eyes, trying to gauge his intentions through her honest soul - i couldn't be certain - the waves crashed outside the stain-glassed windows, somehow fueled by the relentless grey winter rain - you shouldn't be driving in this weather, he mumbled as he stroked his moustache - i shouldn't be driving at all, i replied - i took a swig straight from the bottle - a not so subtle fuckyou to tell him to go fuck himself - he laughed with his accent - you know, you cannot intimidate me - he was right - he's fucking goddamn house intimidated me enough, and there was nothing i could do to save myself - there was no way i could get into his head - i took another swig from the bottle - deep and hard - long and smooth - it couldn't hurt - as i was give in, as i was about to confess, she leaned over slow and low and took hold of the bottle that sat next to me on the couch - looking me straight in the eye, she begun twisting the cap off the bottle with her toungue - lizardlike precision and an evil snake like sexuality

people - fucking people - jesus fucking christ - i was drunk in a field, screaming to the sky - my hair in strains from the poetry and sweat, and it started to rain - the grass was waist high and thrashed violently in the wind - i had reached the end - my throat hurt - my arms waved and cut through the wind like blind knives, tearing apart the world around me - my shirt was long gone, so were my family and friends - jesus fucking christ, so was everyone - i was bleeding from the chest, but had no recollection of how that happened - i took deep dark evil swigs from the bottle - i allowed myself that luxury - i allowed myself to succumb to the self-torturing i'd spent a lifetime trying to avoid - my words and poetry continued to be screamed to the sky, but they were making less and less sense - becoming more absurd, more bizarre - they were becoming unsound - i tasted the rain as it begun to fall through my hair and onto my face - i tasted a strangely comforting mixture of sweat and liquor - the comfort caught me off guard, and i lost my feet and fell onto my back - laughing like the doomsman - above me the sky moved in slow motion - i could only just see it through the thrashing grass that now begun to whip me like wet leather - and just before i drifted off, and allowed the gods and demons of my life to take me away forever, i saw the existence of being fold into and onto itself, obliterating any proof that there was any existence at all in the first place

Art Intimidating Life - The Ruins of my Mental Empire: Part Seventy-Six

smiling in the rain
won't stop it raining,
but it won't stop you smiling

walking home from work
a certain smile
that's been hidden all day

young woman on park bench
as a sad sun sets,
i hope you're okay

the city takes
all the fun
out of riding a bike

little stone
- are you the last
untouched object?

saying goodbye,
hoping it won't be the last time
- but knowing it may be

storm clouds
your threat of rain
doesn't scare me

evolution!
look at
what you've done!

evolution!
thank you!
but you took your time!

home is just
a little place
you've become familiar with

a day spent without eye-contact
is a day
best spent alone

a day without eye-contact
is a day
spent in the eyes of god

thirty years of life -
look at what you've done to me!
smiling to myself in the alley-ways

thirty years of life
thirty years of realising
the cheerful sadness

thirty years of life
on this evil, cruel world
- i love my life

thirty years of life
thirty years of guilt
thirty years of luck

thirty years of life
- now what?

b-grade celebrity
you look so happy playing pool
in this shitty, little bar

drinking at the bar
an hour late for a cello recital
- i'm at peace

poetry -
stolen by wankers,
found by wankers

no smile
simply says
i'm happy

thirty years old
where am i?
how did i get here?

to realise the real world
alone, thirsty and tired
- coming down

at the bar alone
- equipped with three songs
lined up on the jukebox

after-dark train
fluorescent lights
and dark stockings

my life
questioned by many
answered by none

life is beautiful
- one day
you'll see

at the threshold
the lonely man
looks to the sky

i play god
- i never take
my own advice

i put the glass down
- and take a deep breath
friday night

is this confusion?
it's hard to tell
the difference these days

the poet never carries
an umbrella -
the poet enjoys the rain

drunken poet
drinking and writing
- your hands are full

2pm, sunday
the perfect time
for a nap

clouds drifting slowly
circling the earth
as dreamlike peacekeepers