when people ask me "how is living in blackburn going?" what are they expecting me tosay? - "i die a little bit each day im there."? - i'm the same confused person no matter where i am at any point in my life and on this planet - i don't need my surroundings to carry, hold and push my creativity - i write about the guilty faces seen on the people in suburban pokie venues - i write about the absurdity of the mountains in Ammassivik and the loneliness that howls around them - talking about it with "like-minded people" only spoils, taints and defeats the purpose - you live it - and if any of you have ever lived it, you should know you can live it anywhere.
it's supposed to be a wonderful world
Thursday, March 24, 2011
Friday, March 4, 2011
Art Intimidating Life: The Ruins of my Mental Empire - Part Thirty
im writing this in the shade - the scattered shade of an old green vine that holds this courtyard together - it rots the wood so beautifully, it sags and splinters off - it filters the rain so that only the sweetest drops drip - bugs and insects live their whole life here, they have no reason to leave - everything they need to live their insect-life is right here - sometimes they bite me, but i don't mind
possum shit is peppered on the table - the reason behind lady-elle buying this big bright blue plastic tarp and draping it tightly over this old table - she'll be home soon and see me here writing, impressed - she'll wonder why i didn't take the tarp off and i won't have an answer for her - she'll be impressed by the music im playing outside - defeat the purpose - through the outdoor speakers that seem to have a better sound than most of my other stereo systems - maybe it's the air - the real air - outside air - maybe it's the contrast to the sound of cars and trains and birds and screaming children on bicycles - or maybe it's just my syrupy frame of mind that simmers under this great old vine
i read the newspaper today - not a lot of it made sense, but that doesn't change a thing - i can't think too much about it because it's a certain absurdity that swells a madness inside me - i think of photosynthesis - i think of my friends and loved ones - last night i made a friend feel good and happy simply by spending time with him - learning that my actions have an effect on those around me was one of the most important lessons i had to teach myself
so we drank all night and listened to calm and mellow music - accousitc guitars and soft piano - we spoke about our friendship, we spoke about women, we spoke about the problems in our life, we spoke about our art and creation - we wrote down truly genius ideas for short films and inside i was sad that due to my apparence i wouldn't be able to act in the leading role - but it was good fun - i spoke about the realities that often hinder great ideas, and we both agreed that if we take our time, such realities can be dodged
i was riding my bike home from the cinema on tuesday night - late tuesday night - the carpark was empty and smooth so i rode in circles for a little bit - it was the first cold night of the year so my long coat would flap behind me - i swayed and circled and felt like the boy-child again - free and careless and so much room to move and play in - endless possibilites sprouted excitement in my mind from the vast smooth space and the fact it was night and cold - no-one knew i was there and no-one knew what i was doing - the world was mine and no-one would ever know it - paranoid, strange and spooky music rang the morning bell in my ears and i could've very happily lost my mind and sense at that point and zig-zagged my way through eternity
the insense is burning now, but one keeps going out - why do i insist and keep trying? - life is so much better once you've let go, and realised your place in this planet's nature, and in the universe at large - the biggest problem your life will ever face is meaningless, and i can't escape that - that knowledge is so powerful
one day someone will finally prove that their life is in fact actually better than everyone elses, and social interaction will therefore become obsolete - did i move in with my girlfriend for life, or am i marrying my landlord - nothing can stop me once i tap into the mad-genius of someone a few steps ahead of me - i watch and linger - i observe and see what's done, and apply it to myself and my own methods
for now though, i must drink and take this day - it's someone's beautiful birthday today and im going to ask how old they are turning - sure, it's rude and those around will scoff at my ignorance of social ettiqutte - but i don't know her that well and she'll laugh and tell me - i'll tell her it's a good age to be, no matter what she says - i'll tell her there are so many wonderful things that are going to happen to her and that she has a lot to look forward to - but i wont go into too much detail - i don't want to spoil it for her
possum shit is peppered on the table - the reason behind lady-elle buying this big bright blue plastic tarp and draping it tightly over this old table - she'll be home soon and see me here writing, impressed - she'll wonder why i didn't take the tarp off and i won't have an answer for her - she'll be impressed by the music im playing outside - defeat the purpose - through the outdoor speakers that seem to have a better sound than most of my other stereo systems - maybe it's the air - the real air - outside air - maybe it's the contrast to the sound of cars and trains and birds and screaming children on bicycles - or maybe it's just my syrupy frame of mind that simmers under this great old vine
i read the newspaper today - not a lot of it made sense, but that doesn't change a thing - i can't think too much about it because it's a certain absurdity that swells a madness inside me - i think of photosynthesis - i think of my friends and loved ones - last night i made a friend feel good and happy simply by spending time with him - learning that my actions have an effect on those around me was one of the most important lessons i had to teach myself
so we drank all night and listened to calm and mellow music - accousitc guitars and soft piano - we spoke about our friendship, we spoke about women, we spoke about the problems in our life, we spoke about our art and creation - we wrote down truly genius ideas for short films and inside i was sad that due to my apparence i wouldn't be able to act in the leading role - but it was good fun - i spoke about the realities that often hinder great ideas, and we both agreed that if we take our time, such realities can be dodged
i was riding my bike home from the cinema on tuesday night - late tuesday night - the carpark was empty and smooth so i rode in circles for a little bit - it was the first cold night of the year so my long coat would flap behind me - i swayed and circled and felt like the boy-child again - free and careless and so much room to move and play in - endless possibilites sprouted excitement in my mind from the vast smooth space and the fact it was night and cold - no-one knew i was there and no-one knew what i was doing - the world was mine and no-one would ever know it - paranoid, strange and spooky music rang the morning bell in my ears and i could've very happily lost my mind and sense at that point and zig-zagged my way through eternity
the insense is burning now, but one keeps going out - why do i insist and keep trying? - life is so much better once you've let go, and realised your place in this planet's nature, and in the universe at large - the biggest problem your life will ever face is meaningless, and i can't escape that - that knowledge is so powerful
one day someone will finally prove that their life is in fact actually better than everyone elses, and social interaction will therefore become obsolete - did i move in with my girlfriend for life, or am i marrying my landlord - nothing can stop me once i tap into the mad-genius of someone a few steps ahead of me - i watch and linger - i observe and see what's done, and apply it to myself and my own methods
for now though, i must drink and take this day - it's someone's beautiful birthday today and im going to ask how old they are turning - sure, it's rude and those around will scoff at my ignorance of social ettiqutte - but i don't know her that well and she'll laugh and tell me - i'll tell her it's a good age to be, no matter what she says - i'll tell her there are so many wonderful things that are going to happen to her and that she has a lot to look forward to - but i wont go into too much detail - i don't want to spoil it for her
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