tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-51575250406778154882024-02-06T23:28:49.579-08:00art intimidating lifeaims for a simple life of psychedelic music, subconscious words of wisdom, and cheap cold beer. however, this simple life isn't easy to achieve and maintain – so while justifying his life of luxury, he walks the streets and thinks thoughts - forget everyone else - wake up to yourself - stop fooling yourself - happiness is a dead end - converstation is merely a place where wankers jerk each other off - its ok to be sadsimonlawlorandtherealisationhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11795228144653637367noreply@blogger.comBlogger132125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5157525040677815488.post-191428470070546082018-07-13T20:45:00.001-07:002018-07-13T20:53:54.349-07:00Art Intimidating Life - The Ruins of my Mental Empire: Part One Hundred and Twenty-Five<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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<span style="-webkit-font-kerning: none;">im the kind of questionable character who takes his daughter into a bottle shop, and makes her enjoy it - she instantly wants to go into the cool-room, so we sneak in there, instantly telling each other how cold it is and finding it hilarious - i drag her to the beer fridges and grab a slab - careful to hold her hand tight to ensure she doesn’t go running down the aisles, catching a glimpse of some cartoon-gimmick craft bier-label that catches her eye, knocking over a derryn hinch amount of of red-wine in the process - the dude at the counter likes my style, or my daughters, and is happy to help us deconstruct the slab of beer and jig-saw it into the storage areas of the pram - with much difficulty - i get momentary pangs of guilt and shame for holding up a line of sensible mothers in fleece jumpers and their net-balling daughters, and my dirty denims and sunglasses aren’t helping - but we get all 24 cans packed into the pram, and my daughter jumps into the seat as happy as a tic-toc biscuit - we head home and make the most of the wind and fly a kite - i think about how many people can see it flying, as we reach the limit of the string and take a seat, letting the wind do all the work - it was a beautiful feeling, and a quiet, loving and thoughtful moment between us i hope to remember</span></div>
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<span style="font-kerning: none;">my story won’t be released until im awoken into death</span></div>
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<span style="font-kerning: none;">wow - that was a trip - everything makes sense now</span></div>
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<span style="font-kerning: none;">how silly - the calming swallow, green and purple blankets</span></div>
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<span style="font-kerning: none;">warm denim</span></div>
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<span style="font-kerning: none;">tired eyes</span></div>
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<span style="font-kerning: none;">no need to pray - just worship sleep</span></div>
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<span style="font-kerning: none;">at anytime, it is anytime</span></div>
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<span style="font-kerning: none;">the days of the week don’t exist</span></div>
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<span style="font-kerning: none;">months, they don’t exist</span></div>
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<span style="font-kerning: none;">years, the don’t exist</span></div>
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<span style="font-kerning: none;">i measure my life in by the rules and obligations i ignore</span></div>
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<span style="font-kerning: none;">not money</span></div>
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<span style="font-kerning: none;">not stuff</span></div>
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<span style="font-kerning: none;">not advertising</span></div>
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<span style="font-kerning: none;">at least once a day, im silent</span></div>
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<span style="font-kerning: none;">i move soft in a hard world</span></div>
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<span style="font-kerning: none;">though when it rains - the mud is soft</span></div>
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<span style="font-kerning: none;">and makes a sound as i walk through it</span></div>
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<span style="font-kerning: none;">im covered in mud most of the time</span></div>
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<span style="font-kerning: none;">earth-paste</span></div>
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<span style="font-kerning: none;">i move closer and closer</span></div>
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<span style="font-kerning: none;">the music is getting louder and louder</span></div>
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<span style="font-kerning: none;">everyone else - behind me</span></div>
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<span style="font-kerning: none;">one or two say goodbye</span></div>
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<span style="font-kerning: none;">i read no message - i see no signs</span></div>
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<span style="font-kerning: none;">though i feel it all, i explain nothing</span></div>
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<span style="font-kerning: none;">every step sweeps through micro-seconds</span></div>
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<span style="font-kerning: none;">universal possibilities, and only one is chosen</span></div>
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<span style="font-kerning: none;">a continuing infinite never realised</span></div>
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<span style="font-kerning: none;">(that is what they mean when they say - all is one)</span></div>
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<span style="font-kerning: none;">a constant moving mess of existence</span></div>
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<span style="font-kerning: none;">but we’re burning out, casting shadows</span></div>
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<span style="font-kerning: none;">we’re nothing but a big bang’s echo</span></div>
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<span style="font-kerning: none;">fading, with each wave of realisation that overcomes us</span></div>
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<span style="font-kerning: none;">and i brace myself - eyes closed, head tilted sky-ward, limbs loose</span></div>
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<span style="font-kerning: none;">whatever, i say - it’s not a dismissive attitude, but all-embracing</span></div>
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<span style="font-kerning: none;">whatever comes - whatever goes - whatever is</span></div>
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<span style="font-kerning: none;">soak it up warm and deep</span></div>
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<span style="font-kerning: none;">the soul is a magnetic-mist, mauve and faintly fragrant</span></div>
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<span style="font-kerning: none;">they can move, meld, dissipate</span></div>
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<span style="font-kerning: none;">the soul never leaves paradise</span></div>
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<span style="font-kerning: none;">however, the mind wanders</span></div>
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<span style="font-kerning: none;">i wish my commute to work resembled a simon and garfunkle song, but instead it’s a consistent example of why i distance myself from my generation-delegation, and people in general - my disappointment used to stem from the buzzing-best-selling childrens books my peers were reading, but now i just wish more people were actually reading - now it’s just a meat-freezer full of people scrolling through junk-mail on their phones - and those reading are doing it electronically, for reasons i don’t understand - but im sure a sales-person has given them good reason - however, it doesn't stop me listening to simon and garfunkle - that makes me feel good - until i see someone mentally strong enough to simply sit in this dragging-peak-hour scenario without book, headphones or anything other than their thoughts - some people never bend with the downfall</span></div>
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<span style="font-kerning: none;">im waking up jazzed - these days have me hanging, over and over - i open the curtains and think of global warming - i should put some more clothes on - instead, i scan my music collection and can’t decide on anything to play - it was so much easier when i only had 9 cds, and somehow an album for every situation - i don’t sleep, i hide - now, with thousands of albums surrounding me, i can’t decide what to play</span></div>
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<span style="font-kerning: none;">ringing a door-bell holds such power - the thin line between party-starter and party-pooper - americanisms go without saying, mostly because they are all cliches - this is my husband simon - this is my house-mate and wife, i say - my thoughts sink and my mind drifts into a silent solo-game of would-you-rather</span></div>
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<span style="font-kerning: none;">a duck chased me away from her ducklings - it’s attack pumped a shot of adrenaline through my system - later that day when i returned home along the same path, the mother-duck got shocked by my presence and ran away, in front of her ducklings - it made me feel horrible</span></div>
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<span style="-webkit-font-kerning: none;">memories spill like a ripped bean-bag, and competitive living will kill you</span></div>
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simonlawlorandtherealisationhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11795228144653637367noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5157525040677815488.post-48636664690976861592018-07-13T08:34:00.001-07:002018-07-13T08:35:06.895-07:00Art Intimidating Life - The Ruins of my Mental Empire: Part One Hundred and Twenty-Four<div style="-webkit-text-stroke-color: rgb(0, 0, 0); -webkit-text-stroke-width: initial; font-family: Helvetica; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal;">
<span style="-webkit-font-kerning: none; font-size: large;">i first started listening to Mazzy Star in 2004, I think - It would’ve been in relation to my love and discovering of The Brian Jonestown massacre, who presented themselves to me a year or so earlier, very late one night while home alone - This was a time of creativity for me, and the world was definitely opening itself up, like a well-prepared yet drunk host - Surrounded by friends who were going through a similar experience, as well as a few other who were already well involved, and in far too deeply - I couldn’t wait to join them</span></div>
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<span style="font-kerning: none; font-size: large;">Mazzy Star was played late at night, boozed and hazy with a true appreciation for red-wine - Whispered secrets swirled around my head gently - Purple paisley smoke and pillows and blankets encouraged me fly, and soften my landing - They had three albums and I devoured them - I remember riding on a bus through the desert of northern Mexico with She Hangs Softly playing on my discman - I remember sitting at a computer late at night while So Tonight That I Might See just played on repeat - And i thought I was the only one who liked Among My Swan, my favourite of theirs</span></div>
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<span style="font-kerning: none; font-size: large;">They were quiet both on the record, and off - Didn’t release anything for a decade or more, until Seaons of Your Day was announced - Coloured vinyl the sticker on the plastic covering read - “I wondering what colour it is?” the girl behind the counter asked me - “Purple, I’m guessing” I answered like she was the dumbest piece of shit in the world - I was excited</span></div>
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<span style="font-kerning: none; font-size: large;">I never even considered the possibility of seeing them play live - They just didn’t do it anymore - The new fourth album was miracle enough, I simply wouldn’t dare to ask or even hope for more - I had their music in my back-pocket, and that was more than enough</span></div>
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<span style="font-kerning: none; font-size: large;">My heart skipped when it was announced they’ve be playing - yes - their first ever Australian shows, and their first shows in 5 years, soon after my birthday in June 2018 - The inevitable nervousness around getting tickets, and the adrenaline of it being an “whatever it takes” type of situation - I had the post-it note at my desk for weeks, reminding me to buy the tickets - Mazzy Star 9am - I lashed out, 5 rows from the front and centre - I treated myself to a couple of extra days in Sydney - Then pushed on with time until the date of the show/s came around - Allowing myself only one listen to each of the 4 albums between now and then</span></div>
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<span style="font-kerning: none; font-size: large;">Airport drinking is the best - it’s always allowed, no matter where you’re going, or what time it is - Depending on whether you’re coming or going, it’s either full of anticipation or full of reflection - The sideways glance to a fellow drinking makes it all okay - A beautiful 9am Sunday morning pint of beer before the flight - I board and drink another beer on the flight, reading Dave Graney’s book “Workshy” while listening to his music, and sitting in the emergency-row - Potentially responsible for the lives of hundreds and I floated away</span></div>
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<span style="font-kerning: none; font-size: large;">As planned I went for a run around the gardens, Opera House and across the bridge and back, and my natural highs were equalling any bought on from any boozy mindfulness - The sun shone and I sweat in the cool winter air - I spun some spells as I circled the Opera House and looked at it from the bridge, thinking thats where it would all take place</span></div>
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<span style="font-kerning: none; font-size: large;">I went record/music/book shopping all day and found some bargains, and some rare finds - Marty Willson-Piper’s Spirit Level, The Church’s Sometime Anywhere, The Stems first album, a neo-psych Beatles tribute album, Philip Glass doing Bowie/Eno - I saw Ricky from the Brian Jonestown Massacre in Redeye Records, and it didn’t even really come as any surprise to me - I knew they were in town - I quickly said hello, and was honestly a little chuffed for him to recognise me - You’re from Melbourne aren’t you? - What are you doing here? - He was interested in what I was buying and I was proud (/relieved) I was buying some stuff by old friends of his (Stems/Church) - I was able to buy The Imajinary Friends album off him on the street outside and have a little chat - That felt good</span></div>
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<span style="font-kerning: none; font-size: large;">As a true master and experienced music-man, I strategically drank and toileted to ensure I’d be fine throughout the gig without any discomfort - I took my seat, sitting down with a beer or two and letting my mind relax and settle - I tried not to think and just sat - I then saw Anton and half of the Brian Jonestown Massacre take a seat 5 rows behind me - I was to be sitting in the middle of a psychedelic eclipse, set in motion 15 years ago - Quite a while for a 36yo human man</span></div>
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<span style="-webkit-text-stroke-width: initial; font-size: large;">Sometime throughout the show I decided to buy a ticket for the following night’s performance as well - I wasn’t doing anything and didn’t have any plans, and couldn’t really do anything else knowing I had the opportunity to see Mazzy Star again - I booked a strategic seat, knowing where and how the band would be positioned on stage, and which direction Hope Sandoval stood and sang - It was the best seat in the house - If you were to film the show, you’d put the camera on my lap - i soaked that gig up deep - next to me sat a young guy who reminded me of myself maybe ten years ago - super fucking excited, about seeing Mazzy Star and the seats - his girl-friend reminds me of Loz also, at least in her tolerance in his over-the-top excitement - he’s a little loose, but in a good way - and so am i anyway - i overhear him plead that they play “wasted”, and that makes sense to me, and my thoughts of him - of course, they play it and he loses it for a little while - it’s a great song - but hell, im deep in my purple and black mist and fog - my senses are safely snug, deeply relaxed and finally home</span></div>
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<span style="font-kerning: none; font-size: large;">there is an early 2000’s feel about the Brian Jonestown Massacre concert at the forum - sold out with familiar faces - im in a strange situation and state of mind, and i choose to enjoy it thoroughly - it fascinates me that one of the most fascinating things of the show for me was seeing Anton play facing the crowd front on during Drained (i think) - i later find out Jane takes a great photo of Sam and I engulfed in the encompassing-psychedelic-wilderness </span></div>
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<span style="font-kerning: none; font-size: large;">i cash in my christmas present on my birthday, and Loz takes me to hobart for Dark Mofo - little hugs for little people, and we’re off - sky-bus bound - soon after landing we find ourselves in the best pub in the world, the new sydney hotel, and saddle up at the bar for lunch - Loz and I buzz and fuzz with excitement as we order lunchtime drinks and lunchtime food and anticipate the long weekend we have ahead of us - we talk fast and answer quickly, about the pending gigs, shows, concerts, friends, family and the things we’re gonna do next - it’s the first of many open-fires i meditate on</span></div>
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<span style="font-kerning: none; font-size: large;">i see Blixa, and Loz sees Archie - we eat Ethiopian under the neon inverted crucifixes and my hot spiced ginger cider almost matches her hook-turn-gin-mixture - nothing beats the mutual haze of two mellow minds indulging in time and toxins together - outside it’s freezing cold, so we catch some fire and pocket our way to bed</span></div>
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<span style="font-kerning: none; font-size: large;">the best friends in the world point out second-hand book shops to you - and this one was a beautiful one, i over-hear the shop-owner say he’s stuck there 7 days a week to stay cruising - he openly admitted he’d die there, in his book-shop - we dig our own graves he says, mid-70s at least - his passion seeped into the 90 genres of books his shop contained - he unfortunately caught me browsing the history section - not my area of expertise, but within 5 seconds of his spiel, im lost and have to be honest with him - i am lost - but i’ll be back in time</span></div>
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<span style="font-kerning: none; font-size: large;">i wonder grounds of the night-mass - it’s rainy and muddy and the twin-peaks room and music tick my box - im alone and equipped with some beers - weird scenes behind lydia lunch - the bondage room was tough - lazer-devil-minx a fine line between freaky and funny - red-painted pussy stamps a collectors item - im safe an anonymous in my black hood and shadows - some people talk to me and it confirms my suspicion of good vibes in an evil place - the best kind - the best kind of kindness - anonymous</span></div>
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<span style="font-kerning: none; font-size: large;">Loz and i go and see einstürzende neubauten - i see garath liddiard at the bar before the show, he supported Mazzy Star both nights, so i sense another connection of inconsequence, linking my endeavour together - neither Loz or i really know what to expect - i tell her that i was sitting in these exact seats the night before watching some bloodsport wrestling with a few hundred drunken night-massers - possibly chanting “lover-boy’s a cunt - lover-boy’s a cunt” - neubauten come out and construct - loz points out that i resemble one of the men in the band - unfortunately it isn’t blixa - where is zoe when i need her - they are a beautiful menace - slow and/or industrial, the rickety old hobart theatre was both shook and upheld by some new and obscure constructions </span></div>
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<span style="font-kerning: none; font-size: large;">in the rain afterwards Loz tells me she would never have seen an act like einstürzende neubauten if it wasn’t for me - at once i get both a warm-loving and a sick-psychopathic sense of accomplishment - im glad she dug it as much as i did - and it makes me think maybe i’ll end up being an alright father after-all - we rush to see them dig up Mike Parr and enjoy the ridiculous anti-climax of the performance and the media frenzy - we pocket our way back to our bed </span></div>
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<span style="font-kerning: none; font-size: large;">i see and make eye-contact Dylan Alcott at hobart airport for some reason, as Loz and i wait for our flight home, at hobart airport - i sip on my last tassie-beer for a while watching the visuals of an andre rieu concert on the miserable muted airport-tv - the concert disgusts me, and im saddened to see anthony hopkins in the audience - i have my book closed in front of me, knowing i’ll fall asleep at any attempt to read - loz is deep in hers - so i just close my eyes and drift away - when all else fails, i close my eyes and drift away - and then im flying - always drifting - sometimes thinking - never stopping</span></div>
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simonlawlorandtherealisationhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11795228144653637367noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5157525040677815488.post-82963928485250077352018-01-12T20:11:00.003-08:002018-01-13T15:16:33.845-08:00Art Intimidating Life - The Ruins of my Mental Empire: Part One Hundred and Twenty-Three<div style="-webkit-text-stroke-color: rgb(0, 0, 0); -webkit-text-stroke-width: initial; font-family: Helvetica; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal;">
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<span style="-webkit-font-kerning: none;"><span style="color: white; font-size: medium;">the journey of a rain-drop - what a ride - with every one, i thank the world like a ghost haunting the hallways - creaky floorboards with nothing better to do - the last effort of the first order - trip and fall, splash and crazy, creating life with a zest to end it all - find a vibe, and ride it all the way baby - good or bad, it'll take you somewhere without any priority or expectation - the memories of the last time, the anticipation of the first - a villain to remind you of all your failed endeavours - the image you portray to those who ignore you - a faint sign of effort and care, lost to the insignificant relationships that time takes a dagger to - slits it's throat, and now you're all alone - soaking wet in the rain</span></span></span></div>
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<span style="-webkit-font-kerning: none;"><span style="color: orange; font-size: medium;">there are 3 words that i often get called (not including shit) - they are:</span></span></div>
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<span style="-webkit-font-kerning: none;"><span style="color: orange; font-size: medium;">lazy</span></span></div>
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<span style="-webkit-font-kerning: none;"><span style="color: orange; font-size: medium;">selfsih: can i start with a phrase/quote i heard from a hero of mine, damien echols - it went something like: the only people who call you selfish are people who are upset you’re not doing what they want you to - that sums it’s up perfectly i think - i think people should be more selfish, or at least less ashamed about the times they are selfish - i want everyone to do as they wish, and as long as that doesn’t hurt anyone, there is no problem - i hate obligation, and i seeing people act under obligation - i hate seeing people act and talk they way they think they should - people forget the power they were given by society when they turn 18 - you can do whatever you like</span></span></div>
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<span style="-webkit-font-kerning: none;"><span style="color: orange; font-size: medium;">stubborn: i consider myself a thoughtful person - the beers give me a rest from time to time, as does running, and standing in doorways too - i’ve thought enough to know what makes me happy in this life - it’s likely to change, but i know what i like, and therefore know what i don't like - with that knowledge i have trust, and i keep that as the universe and my thoughts that drift through it never fail me</span></span></div>
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<span style="-webkit-font-kerning: none;"><span style="color: orange; font-size: medium;">lazy - you wish you were as lazy as me - i’ve had afternoon naps sleepying beuaty would wake up for - cold air, warm blankets, golden sun, falling leaves, open window - the perfect afternoon nap - a cosy lounge-room sunday spent drifting in and out of sleep - a football game you wont see the end of - waking up to the smell of dinner of cooking - moving slow enough to see the clouds drift and form and move on, no time for sunsets here - i’ll be napping - i’ve spent whole weekends without saying a word, without leaving my house, without wearing pants - i lie on the couch and watch a movie i know word-for-word - i play some music and drink beer, looking at whatever takes place outside the window - leaves, fence, bird, wind, sun, clouds, rain, child learning to ride a brand-new bike and failing, over and over - why do we work so hard? - do we work so hard so that we can work even harder? - just leave me alone</span></span></div>
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<span style="-webkit-font-kerning: none;"><span style="color: orange; font-size: medium;">take care, by big star comes on - im sitting in a bus travelling slowly through the outskirts of greater geelong - it’s almost 7pm - the light and atmosphere in the bus is miserable - the people scattered in the seats in front and behind me, just as miserable - out my window, a dark deeper than the suburban darkness im used to - this is geelong - every now and again, a green neon light catches me eye - i see subway-restaurants, where 16 year old girls sell salad rolls to graffiti-artists and skate-boarders - i think about the words: take care - and i think about the vulnerability of people i know - i see a car in an otherwise empty and isolated car-park, and i assume some guy in a suit is paying someone for oral sex - i flood myself with psychedelic music to try and escape this miserable vibe</span></span></div>
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<span style="-webkit-text-stroke-width: initial;"><span style="color: orange; font-size: medium;"><br /></span></span></div>
<div style="-webkit-text-stroke-color: rgb(0, 0, 0); -webkit-text-stroke-width: initial; font-family: Helvetica; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal;">
<span style="-webkit-text-stroke-width: initial;"><span style="color: orange; font-size: medium;">im in what they call a "good space" - it's all good space, really - inspired, productive, sleeping and eating well, positive, exercising, drinking, reading, prioritising, writing, keeping things simple, and keeping secrets from social-media - it's the good life they’ll never know</span></span></div>
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<span style="color: orange; font-size: medium;"><span style="font-kerning: none;"></span><br /></span></div>
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<span style="font-kerning: none;"><span style="color: orange; font-size: medium;">i ate my dinner on the street the other night - im not talking al-fresco, im talking, standing in a doorway, overcoat on, cold and rain, eating a hamburger on the footpath because it was the cheapest and fastest thing to do - it reminded me of mexico city, where i pretended to be kerouac, and acted like morrison - im now thirty-five - no need to pretend anymore - no time either</span></span></div>
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<span style="color: orange; font-size: medium;"><span style="font-kerning: none;"></span><br /></span></div>
<div style="-webkit-text-stroke-color: rgb(0, 0, 0); -webkit-text-stroke-width: initial; font-family: Helvetica; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal;">
<span style="font-kerning: none;"><span style="color: orange; font-size: medium;">i see the moon clear on winter nights - hazy clouds moving through a high-wind that i can’t feel - down here, im warmed by the trees and their shadows - i’m warmed by the tunes and the music i find - it's like a sauce - there are songs that simply engulf me - the thickest warmest blanket you could imagine, on the coldest night of the year - and wood burns perfectly</span></span></div>
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<span style="color: orange; font-size: medium;"><span style="font-kerning: none;"></span><br /></span></div>
<span style="color: orange;"><span style="font-size: medium;"><br /></span>
</span><br />
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<span style="font-kerning: none;"><span style="color: orange; font-size: medium;">becoming a father makes your life far more meaningless than ever - the truth is you become a father and you truly understand how meaningless your life is - your life becomes meaningless because you simply don’t care anymore - i was listening to a lot of lou reed, and it was like listening to pale blue eyes for the first time all over again</span></span></div>
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<span style="font-kerning: none;"><span style="color: orange; font-size: medium;"><br /></span></span></div>
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<span style="font-kerning: none;"><span style="color: orange; font-size: medium;">i often walk past this building, and the way it’s built allows for you to look down to the lower floors below foot-path level - i walk past this building on my way home and often see this young long-haired guy with glasses working his job in front of a computer - i first noticed him when he was resting his head on the desk and possibly asleep - other times he’s browsing the internet - most times he’s just sitting their on his phone wasting time - i often imagine what his perfect job/life would be</span></span></div>
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<span style="font-kerning: none;"><span style="color: orange; font-size: medium;"><br /></span></span></div>
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<span style="color: white;"><span style="color: orange; font-kerning: none; font-size: medium;"></span></span></div>
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<span style="font-kerning: none;"><span style="color: orange; font-size: medium;">when awarded free time, standing in a doorway with a distant stare heading nowhere but the carpet a few feet in front of you is not a waste of time - you are still “making the most of your day” - some people wear black padded vests, new york yankees caps and go out for breakfast, or drive to a winery for lunch and social media photos - but if you want to stand in the doorway and just stare blankly and enter the void and become a part of the nothingness, that’s okay, and just as worthwhile as anything thats handed to you on social media - all that stuff is like a street-vending gym membership being stapled to your forehead by someone who doesn’t realise you run marathons without anyones help</span></span></div>
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<span style="color: orange; font-size: medium;"><span style="font-kerning: none;"></span><br /></span></div>
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<span style="font-kerning: none;"><span style="color: orange; font-size: medium;">these are the thoughts that wake up in the doorway:</span></span></div>
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<span style="font-kerning: none;"><span style="color: orange; font-size: medium;"><br /></span></span></div>
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<span style="-webkit-font-kerning: none;"><span style="color: orange; font-size: medium;">routine silence, crowded by a weird sense of importance - the things we get used to, become our entitlement - holding back and never showing the watchful eye what it really wants to see - what it's expecting to see of you - what it expects you to do and say - the thoughts they see in your eyes - they know it, but can't explain it - love, hate and the hee-bee-jee-bees</span></span></div>
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<span style="-webkit-font-kerning: none;"><span style="color: orange; font-size: medium;"><br /></span></span></div>
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<span style="color: white;"><span style="color: orange; font-kerning: none; font-size: medium;"></span></span></div>
<div style="-webkit-text-stroke-color: rgb(0, 0, 0); -webkit-text-stroke-width: initial; font-family: Helvetica; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal;">
<span style="-webkit-font-kerning: none;"><span style="color: orange; font-size: medium;">my senses tell me everything i need to know - i touch what i need to hear - i taste what i need to smell - i see nothing, but feel it all around me all the time - i removed the door bell - you'll just have to wander and see where you end up - lost and forgotten farms, where the cattle have set things right - you can hide behind that cow, i told her and she laughed - don't take a photo, this always happens and it doesn't matter - we don't need to show the world anything - the universe turns on itself with every breath you give and take, changing the course of a forgotten future, and unwritten history</span></span></div>
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<span style="-webkit-font-kerning: none;"><span style="color: orange; font-size: medium;"><br /></span></span></div>
<div style="-webkit-text-stroke-color: rgb(0, 0, 0); -webkit-text-stroke-width: initial; font-family: Helvetica; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal;">
<span style="-webkit-font-kerning: none;"><span style="color: orange; font-size: medium;">a satisfactory survival of the fastest and talkative - the slow and mellow and quiet ones will inherent the earth, while the meek run off with your sister - excuse me, while i kill your lies with the ease and comfort of a denim jacket - water off a duck's back, but the weather it clearing up a little - it's time for a walk - so if you see me as you drive by in your car, give a thought to what it is you're doing, and who you're doing it for - it's them who will kill you in the end</span></span></div>
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<span style="color: white;"><span style="color: orange; font-kerning: none; font-size: medium;"></span></span></div>
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<span style="color: orange; font-size: medium;"><br /></span></div>
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<span style="font-kerning: none;"><span style="color: orange; font-size: medium;"><br /></span></span></div>
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<span style="font-kerning: none;"><span style="color: orange; font-size: medium;"><br /></span></span></div>
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<span style="font-kerning: none;"><span style="color: orange; font-size: medium;"><br /></span></span></div>
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simonlawlorandtherealisationhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11795228144653637367noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5157525040677815488.post-70339658091419763622017-08-04T07:54:00.001-07:002017-08-04T08:11:06.693-07:00Art Intimidating Life - The Ruins of my Mental Empire: Part One Hundred and Twenty-Two<div style="-webkit-text-stroke-color: rgb(0, 0, 0); -webkit-text-stroke-width: initial; font-family: Helvetica; line-height: normal; min-height: 13px;">
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg_pri1bZ3Oa5L9RbpRYx4XDwrUWn7GZRdn_Uhez_zRTrYDvo1xBEZ21T1X7i29tJhtRNSxWVMlUGQaOP6mllxjdojl8NDAuzTYd-YZItu-7WnSRVFPK_Cq8eQkL-tBI4GRrC1obs9eh6Bz/s1600/20629284_10155077957867880_910563934_o.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><span style="font-size: large;"><img border="0" data-original-height="549" data-original-width="1056" height="166" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg_pri1bZ3Oa5L9RbpRYx4XDwrUWn7GZRdn_Uhez_zRTrYDvo1xBEZ21T1X7i29tJhtRNSxWVMlUGQaOP6mllxjdojl8NDAuzTYd-YZItu-7WnSRVFPK_Cq8eQkL-tBI4GRrC1obs9eh6Bz/s320/20629284_10155077957867880_910563934_o.jpg" width="320" /></span></a></div>
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-size: large;">I'm walking on the beach alone</span></div>
<div style="-webkit-text-stroke-color: rgb(0, 0, 0); -webkit-text-stroke-width: initial; font-family: Helvetica; line-height: normal; min-height: 13px;">
<span style="font-size: large;">it's winter - grey</span></div>
<div style="-webkit-text-stroke-color: rgb(0, 0, 0); -webkit-text-stroke-width: initial; font-family: Helvetica; line-height: normal; min-height: 13px;">
<span style="font-size: large;">but not so cold</span></div>
<div style="-webkit-text-stroke-color: rgb(0, 0, 0); -webkit-text-stroke-width: initial; font-family: Helvetica; line-height: normal; min-height: 13px;">
<span style="font-size: large;">or windy at all</span></div>
<div style="-webkit-text-stroke-color: rgb(0, 0, 0); -webkit-text-stroke-width: initial; font-family: Helvetica; line-height: normal; min-height: 13px;">
<span style="font-size: large;">the tide is so far out you could forget</span></div>
<div style="-webkit-text-stroke-color: rgb(0, 0, 0); -webkit-text-stroke-width: initial; font-family: Helvetica; line-height: normal; min-height: 13px;">
<span style="font-size: large;">what planet you were on</span></div>
<div style="-webkit-text-stroke-color: rgb(0, 0, 0); -webkit-text-stroke-width: initial; font-family: Helvetica; line-height: normal; min-height: 13px;">
<span style="font-size: large;">ahead of me on top of the cliffs</span></div>
<div style="-webkit-text-stroke-color: rgb(0, 0, 0); -webkit-text-stroke-width: initial; font-family: Helvetica; line-height: normal; min-height: 13px;">
<span style="font-size: large;">was a lighthouse</span></div>
<div style="-webkit-text-stroke-color: rgb(0, 0, 0); -webkit-text-stroke-width: initial; font-family: Helvetica; line-height: normal; min-height: 13px;">
<span style="font-size: large;">tall and white</span></div>
<div style="-webkit-text-stroke-color: rgb(0, 0, 0); -webkit-text-stroke-width: initial; font-family: Helvetica; line-height: normal; min-height: 13px;">
<span style="font-size: large;">an icon</span></div>
<div style="-webkit-text-stroke-color: rgb(0, 0, 0); -webkit-text-stroke-width: initial; font-family: Helvetica; line-height: normal; min-height: 13px;">
<span style="font-size: large;">at the top, i see a small group of people</span></div>
<div style="-webkit-text-stroke-color: rgb(0, 0, 0); -webkit-text-stroke-width: initial; font-family: Helvetica; line-height: normal; min-height: 13px;">
<span style="font-size: large;">tourists walking around the outside railing at the top</span></div>
<div style="-webkit-text-stroke-color: rgb(0, 0, 0); -webkit-text-stroke-width: initial; font-family: Helvetica; line-height: normal; min-height: 13px;">
<span style="font-size: large;">they are nothing but little black dots</span></div>
<div style="-webkit-text-stroke-color: rgb(0, 0, 0); -webkit-text-stroke-width: initial; font-family: Helvetica; line-height: normal; min-height: 13px;">
<span style="font-size: large;">and I'm sure i am just the same to them</span></div>
<div style="-webkit-text-stroke-color: rgb(0, 0, 0); -webkit-text-stroke-width: initial; font-family: Helvetica; line-height: normal; min-height: 13px;">
<span style="font-size: large;">i imagine myself</span></div>
<div style="-webkit-text-stroke-color: rgb(0, 0, 0); -webkit-text-stroke-width: initial; font-family: Helvetica; line-height: normal; min-height: 13px;">
<span style="font-size: large;">in all the photos</span></div>
<div style="-webkit-text-stroke-color: rgb(0, 0, 0); -webkit-text-stroke-width: initial; font-family: Helvetica; line-height: normal; min-height: 13px;">
<span style="font-size: large;">they would be taking</span></div>
<div style="-webkit-text-stroke-color: rgb(0, 0, 0); -webkit-text-stroke-width: initial; font-family: Helvetica; line-height: normal; min-height: 13px;">
<span style="font-size: large;">from the top of the light-house</span></div>
<div style="-webkit-text-stroke-color: rgb(0, 0, 0); -webkit-text-stroke-width: initial; font-family: Helvetica; line-height: normal; min-height: 13px;">
<span style="font-size: large;">a long stretch go beach</span></div>
<div style="-webkit-text-stroke-color: rgb(0, 0, 0); -webkit-text-stroke-width: initial; font-family: Helvetica; line-height: normal; min-height: 13px;">
<span style="font-size: large;">and a little black dot</span></div>
<div style="-webkit-text-stroke-color: rgb(0, 0, 0); -webkit-text-stroke-width: initial; font-family: Helvetica; line-height: normal; min-height: 13px;">
<span style="font-size: large;">me</span></div>
<div style="-webkit-text-stroke-color: rgb(0, 0, 0); -webkit-text-stroke-width: initial; font-family: Helvetica; line-height: normal; min-height: 13px;">
<span style="font-size: large;">in the middle of it all</span></div>
<div style="-webkit-text-stroke-color: rgb(0, 0, 0); -webkit-text-stroke-width: initial; font-family: Helvetica; line-height: normal; min-height: 13px;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span></div>
<div style="-webkit-text-stroke-color: rgb(0, 0, 0); -webkit-text-stroke-width: initial; font-family: Helvetica; line-height: normal; min-height: 13px;">
<span style="font-size: large;">death is a</span></div>
<div style="-webkit-text-stroke-color: rgb(0, 0, 0); -webkit-text-stroke-width: initial; font-family: Helvetica; line-height: normal; min-height: 13px;">
<span style="font-size: large;">a pervert in the bushes</span></div>
<div style="-webkit-text-stroke-color: rgb(0, 0, 0); -webkit-text-stroke-width: initial; font-family: Helvetica; line-height: normal; min-height: 13px;">
<span style="font-size: large;">jerking off</span></div>
<div style="-webkit-text-stroke-color: rgb(0, 0, 0); -webkit-text-stroke-width: initial; font-family: Helvetica; line-height: normal; min-height: 13px;">
<span style="font-size: large;">to the thought</span></div>
<div style="-webkit-text-stroke-color: rgb(0, 0, 0); -webkit-text-stroke-width: initial; font-family: Helvetica; line-height: normal; min-height: 13px;">
<span style="font-size: large;">of our stupid little lives</span></div>
<div style="-webkit-text-stroke-color: rgb(0, 0, 0); -webkit-text-stroke-width: initial; font-family: Helvetica; line-height: normal; min-height: 13px;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span></div>
<div style="-webkit-text-stroke-color: rgb(0, 0, 0); -webkit-text-stroke-width: initial; font-family: Helvetica; line-height: normal; min-height: 13px;">
<span style="font-size: large;">head for the sea</span></div>
<div style="-webkit-text-stroke-color: rgb(0, 0, 0); -webkit-text-stroke-width: initial; font-family: Helvetica; line-height: normal; min-height: 13px;">
<span style="font-size: large;">and find the city</span></div>
<div style="-webkit-text-stroke-color: rgb(0, 0, 0); -webkit-text-stroke-width: initial; font-family: Helvetica; line-height: normal; min-height: 13px;">
<span style="font-size: large;">build a sand castle</span></div>
<div style="-webkit-text-stroke-color: rgb(0, 0, 0); -webkit-text-stroke-width: initial; font-family: Helvetica; line-height: normal; min-height: 13px;">
<span style="font-size: large;">and find an office</span></div>
<div style="-webkit-text-stroke-color: rgb(0, 0, 0); -webkit-text-stroke-width: initial; font-family: Helvetica; line-height: normal; min-height: 13px;">
<span style="font-size: large;">take a swim in the ocean</span></div>
<div style="-webkit-text-stroke-color: rgb(0, 0, 0); -webkit-text-stroke-width: initial; font-family: Helvetica; line-height: normal; min-height: 13px;">
<span style="font-size: large;">- and get fired</span></div>
<div style="-webkit-text-stroke-color: rgb(0, 0, 0); -webkit-text-stroke-width: initial; font-family: Helvetica; line-height: normal; min-height: 13px;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span></div>
<div style="-webkit-text-stroke-color: rgb(0, 0, 0); -webkit-text-stroke-width: initial; font-family: Helvetica; line-height: normal; min-height: 13px;">
<span style="font-size: large;">my mind is racing</span></div>
<div style="-webkit-text-stroke-color: rgb(0, 0, 0); -webkit-text-stroke-width: initial; font-family: Helvetica; line-height: normal; min-height: 13px;">
<span style="font-size: large;">my body is dead</span></div>
<div style="-webkit-text-stroke-color: rgb(0, 0, 0); -webkit-text-stroke-width: initial; font-family: Helvetica; line-height: normal; min-height: 13px;">
<span style="font-size: large;">i lie here</span></div>
<div style="-webkit-text-stroke-color: rgb(0, 0, 0); -webkit-text-stroke-width: initial; font-family: Helvetica; line-height: normal; min-height: 13px;">
<span style="font-size: large;">eyes fading and lifeless</span></div>
<div style="-webkit-text-stroke-color: rgb(0, 0, 0); -webkit-text-stroke-width: initial; font-family: Helvetica; line-height: normal; min-height: 13px;">
<span style="font-size: large;">i have seen too much</span></div>
<div style="-webkit-text-stroke-color: rgb(0, 0, 0); -webkit-text-stroke-width: initial; font-family: Helvetica; line-height: normal; min-height: 13px;">
<span style="font-size: large;">one table</span></div>
<div style="-webkit-text-stroke-color: rgb(0, 0, 0); -webkit-text-stroke-width: initial; font-family: Helvetica; line-height: normal; min-height: 13px;">
<span style="font-size: large;">one candle</span></div>
<div style="-webkit-text-stroke-color: rgb(0, 0, 0); -webkit-text-stroke-width: initial; font-family: Helvetica; line-height: normal; min-height: 13px;">
<span style="font-size: large;">one beer</span></div>
<div style="-webkit-text-stroke-color: rgb(0, 0, 0); -webkit-text-stroke-width: initial; font-family: Helvetica; line-height: normal; min-height: 13px;">
<span style="font-size: large;">one chair</span></div>
<div style="-webkit-text-stroke-color: rgb(0, 0, 0); -webkit-text-stroke-width: initial; font-family: Helvetica; line-height: normal; min-height: 13px;">
<span style="font-size: large;">no light</span></div>
<div style="-webkit-text-stroke-color: rgb(0, 0, 0); -webkit-text-stroke-width: initial; font-family: Helvetica; line-height: normal; min-height: 13px;">
<span style="font-size: large;">no-one, but me</span></div>
<div style="-webkit-text-stroke-color: rgb(0, 0, 0); -webkit-text-stroke-width: initial; font-family: Helvetica; line-height: normal; min-height: 13px;">
<span style="font-size: large;">but i am no-one</span></div>
<div style="-webkit-text-stroke-color: rgb(0, 0, 0); -webkit-text-stroke-width: initial; font-family: Helvetica; line-height: normal; min-height: 13px;">
<span style="font-size: large;">i am nothing but dead</span></div>
<div style="-webkit-text-stroke-color: rgb(0, 0, 0); -webkit-text-stroke-width: initial; font-family: Helvetica; line-height: normal; min-height: 13px;">
<span style="font-size: large;">if not dying</span></div>
<div style="-webkit-text-stroke-color: rgb(0, 0, 0); -webkit-text-stroke-width: initial; font-family: Helvetica; line-height: normal; min-height: 13px;">
<span style="font-size: large;">dying for nothing</span></div>
<div style="-webkit-text-stroke-color: rgb(0, 0, 0); -webkit-text-stroke-width: initial; font-family: Helvetica; line-height: normal; min-height: 13px;">
<span style="font-size: large;">after a life living for nothing</span></div>
<div style="-webkit-text-stroke-color: rgb(0, 0, 0); -webkit-text-stroke-width: initial; font-family: Helvetica; line-height: normal; min-height: 13px;">
<span style="font-size: large;">i stare at my feet</span></div>
<div style="-webkit-text-stroke-color: rgb(0, 0, 0); -webkit-text-stroke-width: initial; font-family: Helvetica; line-height: normal; min-height: 13px;">
<span style="font-size: large;">the ground beneath them is still</span></div>
<div style="-webkit-text-stroke-color: rgb(0, 0, 0); -webkit-text-stroke-width: initial; font-family: Helvetica; line-height: normal; min-height: 13px;">
<span style="font-size: large;">dirt and rock</span></div>
<div style="-webkit-text-stroke-color: rgb(0, 0, 0); -webkit-text-stroke-width: initial; font-family: Helvetica; line-height: normal; min-height: 13px;">
<span style="font-size: large;">my shoes are new</span></div>
<div style="-webkit-text-stroke-color: rgb(0, 0, 0); -webkit-text-stroke-width: initial; font-family: Helvetica; line-height: normal; min-height: 13px;">
<span style="font-size: large;">my socks are worn and old</span></div>
<div style="-webkit-text-stroke-color: rgb(0, 0, 0); -webkit-text-stroke-width: initial; font-family: Helvetica; line-height: normal; min-height: 13px;">
<span style="font-size: large;">i have no-where to go</span></div>
<div style="-webkit-text-stroke-color: rgb(0, 0, 0); -webkit-text-stroke-width: initial; font-family: Helvetica; line-height: normal; min-height: 13px;">
<span style="font-size: large;">so i just sit</span></div>
<div style="-webkit-text-stroke-color: rgb(0, 0, 0); -webkit-text-stroke-width: initial; font-family: Helvetica; line-height: normal; min-height: 13px;">
<span style="font-size: large;">and look at my feet</span></div>
<div style="-webkit-text-stroke-color: rgb(0, 0, 0); -webkit-text-stroke-width: initial; font-family: Helvetica; line-height: normal; min-height: 13px;">
<span style="font-size: large;">nothing else</span></div>
<div style="-webkit-text-stroke-color: rgb(0, 0, 0); -webkit-text-stroke-width: initial; font-family: Helvetica; line-height: normal; min-height: 13px;">
<span style="font-size: large;">-they say the eyes are the windows to the soul</span></div>
<div style="-webkit-text-stroke-color: rgb(0, 0, 0); -webkit-text-stroke-width: initial; font-family: Helvetica; line-height: normal; min-height: 13px;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span></div>
<div style="-webkit-text-stroke-color: rgb(0, 0, 0); -webkit-text-stroke-width: initial; font-family: Helvetica; line-height: normal; min-height: 13px;">
<span style="font-size: large;">peaking</span></div>
<div style="-webkit-text-stroke-color: rgb(0, 0, 0); -webkit-text-stroke-width: initial; font-family: Helvetica; line-height: normal; min-height: 13px;">
<span style="font-size: large;">my week and emotions</span></div>
<div style="-webkit-text-stroke-color: rgb(0, 0, 0); -webkit-text-stroke-width: initial; font-family: Helvetica; line-height: normal; min-height: 13px;">
<span style="font-size: large;">colour and weekends</span></div>
<div style="-webkit-text-stroke-color: rgb(0, 0, 0); -webkit-text-stroke-width: initial; font-family: Helvetica; line-height: normal; min-height: 13px;">
<span style="font-size: large;">flavoured intoxicated</span></div>
<div style="-webkit-text-stroke-color: rgb(0, 0, 0); -webkit-text-stroke-width: initial; font-family: Helvetica; line-height: normal; min-height: 13px;">
<span style="font-size: large;">it brings a heavy weight</span></div>
<div style="-webkit-text-stroke-color: rgb(0, 0, 0); -webkit-text-stroke-width: initial; font-family: Helvetica; line-height: normal; min-height: 13px;">
<span style="font-size: large;">warm and soft</span></div>
<div style="-webkit-text-stroke-color: rgb(0, 0, 0); -webkit-text-stroke-width: initial; font-family: Helvetica; line-height: normal; min-height: 13px;">
<span style="font-size: large;">a spirit blanket</span></div>
<div style="-webkit-text-stroke-color: rgb(0, 0, 0); -webkit-text-stroke-width: initial; font-family: Helvetica; line-height: normal; min-height: 13px;">
<span style="font-size: large;">tucked in and safe</span></div>
<div style="-webkit-text-stroke-color: rgb(0, 0, 0); -webkit-text-stroke-width: initial; font-family: Helvetica; line-height: normal; min-height: 13px;">
<span style="font-size: large;">heavy head</span></div>
<div style="-webkit-text-stroke-color: rgb(0, 0, 0); -webkit-text-stroke-width: initial; font-family: Helvetica; line-height: normal; min-height: 13px;">
<span style="font-size: large;">pumping heart</span></div>
<div style="-webkit-text-stroke-color: rgb(0, 0, 0); -webkit-text-stroke-width: initial; font-family: Helvetica; line-height: normal; min-height: 13px;">
<span style="font-size: large;">misty soul</span></div>
<div style="-webkit-text-stroke-color: rgb(0, 0, 0); -webkit-text-stroke-width: initial; font-family: Helvetica; line-height: normal; min-height: 13px;">
<span style="font-size: large;">invisible body</span></div>
<div style="-webkit-text-stroke-color: rgb(0, 0, 0); -webkit-text-stroke-width: initial; font-family: Helvetica; line-height: normal; min-height: 13px;">
<span style="font-size: large;">nothing else / everything else</span></div>
<div style="-webkit-text-stroke-color: rgb(0, 0, 0); -webkit-text-stroke-width: initial; font-family: Helvetica; line-height: normal; min-height: 13px;">
<span style="font-size: large;">no time / all time</span></div>
<div style="-webkit-text-stroke-color: rgb(0, 0, 0); -webkit-text-stroke-width: initial; font-family: Helvetica; line-height: normal; min-height: 13px;">
<span style="font-size: large;">the void / the infinite</span></div>
<div style="-webkit-text-stroke-color: rgb(0, 0, 0); -webkit-text-stroke-width: initial; font-family: Helvetica; line-height: normal; min-height: 13px;">
<span style="font-size: large;">me / me</span></div>
<div style="-webkit-text-stroke-color: rgb(0, 0, 0); -webkit-text-stroke-width: initial; font-family: Helvetica; line-height: normal; min-height: 13px;">
<span style="font-size: large;">me / us</span></div>
<div style="-webkit-text-stroke-color: rgb(0, 0, 0); -webkit-text-stroke-width: initial; font-family: Helvetica; line-height: normal; min-height: 13px;">
<span style="font-size: large;">us/ us</span></div>
<div style="-webkit-text-stroke-color: rgb(0, 0, 0); -webkit-text-stroke-width: initial; font-family: Helvetica; line-height: normal; min-height: 13px;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span></div>
<div style="-webkit-text-stroke-color: rgb(0, 0, 0); -webkit-text-stroke-width: initial; font-family: Helvetica; line-height: normal; min-height: 13px;">
<span style="font-size: large;">a heady trip</span></div>
<div style="-webkit-text-stroke-color: rgb(0, 0, 0); -webkit-text-stroke-width: initial; font-family: Helvetica; line-height: normal; min-height: 13px;">
<span style="font-size: large;">72 years</span></div>
<div style="-webkit-text-stroke-color: rgb(0, 0, 0); -webkit-text-stroke-width: initial; font-family: Helvetica; line-height: normal; min-height: 13px;">
<span style="font-size: large;">spent wanting to be elsewhere</span></div>
<div style="-webkit-text-stroke-color: rgb(0, 0, 0); -webkit-text-stroke-width: initial; font-family: Helvetica; line-height: normal; min-height: 13px;">
<span style="font-size: large;">72 years</span></div>
<div style="-webkit-text-stroke-color: rgb(0, 0, 0); -webkit-text-stroke-width: initial; font-family: Helvetica; line-height: normal; min-height: 13px;">
<span style="font-size: large;">avoiding bad books</span></div>
<div style="-webkit-text-stroke-color: rgb(0, 0, 0); -webkit-text-stroke-width: initial; font-family: Helvetica; line-height: normal; min-height: 13px;">
<span style="font-size: large;">bad movies</span></div>
<div style="-webkit-text-stroke-color: rgb(0, 0, 0); -webkit-text-stroke-width: initial; font-family: Helvetica; line-height: normal; min-height: 13px;">
<span style="font-size: large;">bad music</span></div>
<div style="-webkit-text-stroke-color: rgb(0, 0, 0); -webkit-text-stroke-width: initial; font-family: Helvetica; line-height: normal; min-height: 13px;">
<span style="font-size: large;">I'm nowhere between sleep and awake</span></div>
<div style="-webkit-text-stroke-color: rgb(0, 0, 0); -webkit-text-stroke-width: initial; font-family: Helvetica; line-height: normal; min-height: 13px;">
<span style="font-size: large;">i sleep somewhere between</span></div>
<div style="-webkit-text-stroke-color: rgb(0, 0, 0); -webkit-text-stroke-width: initial; font-family: Helvetica; line-height: normal; min-height: 13px;">
<span style="font-size: large;">messed up and dead</span></div>
<div style="-webkit-text-stroke-color: rgb(0, 0, 0); -webkit-text-stroke-width: initial; font-family: Helvetica; line-height: normal; min-height: 13px;">
<span style="font-size: large;">and you'll find me nowhere</span></div>
<div style="-webkit-text-stroke-color: rgb(0, 0, 0); -webkit-text-stroke-width: initial; font-family: Helvetica; line-height: normal; min-height: 13px;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span></div>
<div style="-webkit-text-stroke-color: rgb(0, 0, 0); -webkit-text-stroke-width: initial; font-family: Helvetica; line-height: normal; min-height: 13px;">
<span style="font-size: large;">I'm walking but not really moving</span></div>
<div style="-webkit-text-stroke-color: rgb(0, 0, 0); -webkit-text-stroke-width: initial; font-family: Helvetica; line-height: normal; min-height: 13px;">
<span style="font-size: large;">the ocean is always moving</span></div>
<div style="-webkit-text-stroke-color: rgb(0, 0, 0); -webkit-text-stroke-width: initial; font-family: Helvetica; line-height: normal; min-height: 13px;">
<span style="font-size: large;">but not me</span></div>
<div style="-webkit-text-stroke-color: rgb(0, 0, 0); -webkit-text-stroke-width: initial; font-family: Helvetica; line-height: normal; min-height: 13px;">
<span style="font-size: large;">I'm still</span></div>
<div style="-webkit-text-stroke-color: rgb(0, 0, 0); -webkit-text-stroke-width: initial; font-family: Helvetica; line-height: normal; min-height: 13px;">
<span style="font-size: large;">surrounded by constant movement</span></div>
<div style="-webkit-text-stroke-color: rgb(0, 0, 0); -webkit-text-stroke-width: initial; font-family: Helvetica; line-height: normal; min-height: 13px;">
<span style="font-size: large;">i ignore it mostly</span></div>
<div style="-webkit-text-stroke-color: rgb(0, 0, 0); -webkit-text-stroke-width: initial; font-family: Helvetica; line-height: normal; min-height: 13px;">
<span style="font-size: large;">when i can</span></div>
<div style="-webkit-text-stroke-color: rgb(0, 0, 0); -webkit-text-stroke-width: initial; font-family: Helvetica; line-height: normal; min-height: 13px;">
<span style="font-size: large;">but not when I'm at the beach</span></div>
<div style="-webkit-text-stroke-color: rgb(0, 0, 0); -webkit-text-stroke-width: initial; font-family: Helvetica; line-height: normal; min-height: 13px;">
<span style="font-size: large;">i can't ignore it at the beach</span></div>
<div style="-webkit-text-stroke-color: rgb(0, 0, 0); -webkit-text-stroke-width: initial; font-family: Helvetica; line-height: normal; min-height: 13px;">
<span style="font-size: large;">fire always moves too</span></div>
<div style="-webkit-text-stroke-color: rgb(0, 0, 0); -webkit-text-stroke-width: initial; font-family: Helvetica; line-height: normal; min-height: 13px;">
<span style="font-size: large;">flames</span></div>
<div style="-webkit-text-stroke-color: rgb(0, 0, 0); -webkit-text-stroke-width: initial; font-family: Helvetica; line-height: normal; min-height: 13px;">
<span style="font-size: large;">glowing coals</span></div>
<div style="-webkit-text-stroke-color: rgb(0, 0, 0); -webkit-text-stroke-width: initial; font-family: Helvetica; line-height: normal; min-height: 13px;">
<span style="font-size: large;">pulsing and radiating</span></div>
<div style="-webkit-text-stroke-color: rgb(0, 0, 0); -webkit-text-stroke-width: initial; font-family: Helvetica; line-height: normal; min-height: 13px;">
<span style="font-size: large;">by nature - it moves</span></div>
<div style="-webkit-text-stroke-color: rgb(0, 0, 0); -webkit-text-stroke-width: initial; font-family: Helvetica; line-height: normal; min-height: 13px;">
<span style="font-size: large;">to kill, destroy</span></div>
<div style="-webkit-text-stroke-color: rgb(0, 0, 0); -webkit-text-stroke-width: initial; font-family: Helvetica; line-height: normal; min-height: 13px;">
<span style="font-size: large;">and warm</span></div>
<div style="-webkit-text-stroke-color: rgb(0, 0, 0); -webkit-text-stroke-width: initial; font-family: Helvetica; line-height: normal; min-height: 13px;">
<span style="font-size: large;">i sit still and watch fire</span></div>
<div style="-webkit-text-stroke-color: rgb(0, 0, 0); -webkit-text-stroke-width: initial; font-family: Helvetica; line-height: normal; min-height: 13px;">
<span style="font-size: large;">- like the ocean, it's constantly moving</span></div>
<div style="-webkit-text-stroke-color: rgb(0, 0, 0); -webkit-text-stroke-width: initial; font-family: Helvetica; line-height: normal; min-height: 13px;">
<span style="font-size: large;">and they don't change</span></div>
<div style="-webkit-text-stroke-color: rgb(0, 0, 0); -webkit-text-stroke-width: initial; font-family: Helvetica; line-height: normal; min-height: 13px;">
<span style="font-size: large;">these are the same flames</span></div>
<div style="-webkit-text-stroke-color: rgb(0, 0, 0); -webkit-text-stroke-width: initial; font-family: Helvetica; line-height: normal; min-height: 13px;">
<span style="font-size: large;">the same waves</span></div>
<div style="-webkit-text-stroke-color: rgb(0, 0, 0); -webkit-text-stroke-width: initial; font-family: Helvetica; line-height: normal; min-height: 13px;">
<span style="font-size: large;">ancient humans</span></div>
<div style="-webkit-text-stroke-color: rgb(0, 0, 0); -webkit-text-stroke-width: initial; font-family: Helvetica; line-height: normal; min-height: 13px;">
<span style="font-size: large;">dinosaurs</span></div>
<div style="-webkit-text-stroke-color: rgb(0, 0, 0); -webkit-text-stroke-width: initial; font-family: Helvetica; line-height: normal; min-height: 13px;">
<span style="font-size: large;">witnessed</span></div>
<div style="-webkit-text-stroke-color: rgb(0, 0, 0); -webkit-text-stroke-width: initial; font-family: Helvetica; line-height: normal; min-height: 13px;">
<span style="font-size: large;">and watched</span></div>
<div style="-webkit-text-stroke-color: rgb(0, 0, 0); -webkit-text-stroke-width: initial; font-family: Helvetica; line-height: normal; min-height: 13px;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span></div>
<div style="-webkit-text-stroke-color: rgb(0, 0, 0); -webkit-text-stroke-width: initial; font-family: Helvetica; line-height: normal; min-height: 13px;">
<span style="font-size: large;">standing before hell</span></div>
<div style="-webkit-text-stroke-color: rgb(0, 0, 0); -webkit-text-stroke-width: initial; font-family: Helvetica; line-height: normal; min-height: 13px;">
<span style="font-size: large;">lights down</span></div>
<div style="-webkit-text-stroke-color: rgb(0, 0, 0); -webkit-text-stroke-width: initial; font-family: Helvetica; line-height: normal; min-height: 13px;">
<span style="font-size: large;">television on</span></div>
<div style="-webkit-text-stroke-color: rgb(0, 0, 0); -webkit-text-stroke-width: initial; font-family: Helvetica; line-height: normal; min-height: 13px;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span></div>
<div style="-webkit-text-stroke-color: rgb(0, 0, 0); -webkit-text-stroke-width: initial; font-family: Helvetica; line-height: normal; min-height: 13px;">
<span style="font-size: large;">when surrounded by natural beauty</span></div>
<div style="-webkit-text-stroke-color: rgb(0, 0, 0); -webkit-text-stroke-width: initial; font-family: Helvetica; line-height: normal; min-height: 13px;">
<span style="font-size: large;">people get out their phones</span></div>
<div style="-webkit-text-stroke-color: rgb(0, 0, 0); -webkit-text-stroke-width: initial; font-family: Helvetica; line-height: normal; min-height: 13px;">
<span style="font-size: large;">- when the cops say</span></div>
<div style="-webkit-text-stroke-color: rgb(0, 0, 0); -webkit-text-stroke-width: initial; font-family: Helvetica; line-height: normal; min-height: 13px;">
<span style="font-size: large;">"there's nothing to see here"</span></div>
<div style="-webkit-text-stroke-color: rgb(0, 0, 0); -webkit-text-stroke-width: initial; font-family: Helvetica; line-height: normal; min-height: 13px;">
<span style="font-size: large;">people get out their cameras</span></div>
<div style="-webkit-text-stroke-color: rgb(0, 0, 0); -webkit-text-stroke-width: initial; font-family: Helvetica; line-height: normal; min-height: 13px;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span></div>
<div style="-webkit-text-stroke-color: rgb(0, 0, 0); -webkit-text-stroke-width: initial; font-family: Helvetica; line-height: normal; min-height: 13px;">
<span style="font-size: large;">what corporate sponsered viral video will "restore my faith in humanity" this week?</span></div>
<div style="-webkit-text-stroke-color: rgb(0, 0, 0); -webkit-text-stroke-width: initial; font-family: Helvetica; line-height: normal; min-height: 13px;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span></div>
<div style="-webkit-text-stroke-color: rgb(0, 0, 0); -webkit-text-stroke-width: initial; font-family: Helvetica; line-height: normal; min-height: 13px;">
<span style="font-size: large;">death is a</span></div>
<div style="-webkit-text-stroke-color: rgb(0, 0, 0); -webkit-text-stroke-width: initial; font-family: Helvetica; line-height: normal; min-height: 13px;">
<span style="font-size: large;">a pervert in the bushes</span></div>
<div style="-webkit-text-stroke-color: rgb(0, 0, 0); -webkit-text-stroke-width: initial; font-family: Helvetica; line-height: normal; min-height: 13px;">
<span style="font-size: large;">jerking off</span></div>
<div style="-webkit-text-stroke-color: rgb(0, 0, 0); -webkit-text-stroke-width: initial; font-family: Helvetica; line-height: normal; min-height: 13px;">
<span style="font-size: large;">to the thought</span></div>
<div style="-webkit-text-stroke-color: rgb(0, 0, 0); -webkit-text-stroke-width: initial; font-family: Helvetica; line-height: normal; min-height: 13px;">
<span style="font-size: large;">of our stupid little lives </span></div>
<div style="-webkit-text-stroke-color: rgb(0, 0, 0); -webkit-text-stroke-width: initial; font-family: Helvetica; line-height: normal; min-height: 13px;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span></div>
<div style="-webkit-text-stroke-color: rgb(0, 0, 0); -webkit-text-stroke-width: initial; font-family: Helvetica; line-height: normal; min-height: 13px;">
<span style="-webkit-text-stroke-width: initial; font-size: large;">the sad truth is</span></div>
<div style="-webkit-text-stroke-color: rgb(0, 0, 0); -webkit-text-stroke-width: initial; font-family: Helvetica; line-height: normal; min-height: 13px;">
<span style="font-size: large;">when everything is good</span></div>
<div style="-webkit-text-stroke-color: rgb(0, 0, 0); -webkit-text-stroke-width: initial; font-family: Helvetica; line-height: normal; min-height: 13px;">
<span style="font-size: large;">when everything is horrible</span></div>
<div style="-webkit-text-stroke-color: rgb(0, 0, 0); -webkit-text-stroke-width: initial; font-family: Helvetica; line-height: normal; min-height: 13px;">
<span style="font-size: large;">- nothing really matters</span></div>
<div style="-webkit-text-stroke-color: rgb(0, 0, 0); -webkit-text-stroke-width: initial; font-family: Helvetica; line-height: normal; min-height: 13px;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span></div>
<div style="-webkit-text-stroke-color: rgb(0, 0, 0); -webkit-text-stroke-width: initial; font-family: Helvetica; line-height: normal; min-height: 13px;">
<span style="font-size: large;">rain, hail or shine</span></div>
<div style="-webkit-text-stroke-color: rgb(0, 0, 0); -webkit-text-stroke-width: initial; font-family: Helvetica; line-height: normal; min-height: 13px;">
<span style="font-size: large;">i don't care</span></div>
<div style="-webkit-text-stroke-color: rgb(0, 0, 0); -webkit-text-stroke-width: initial; font-family: Helvetica; line-height: normal; min-height: 13px;">
<span style="font-size: large;">because it's going to rain, hail or shine</span></div>
<div style="-webkit-text-stroke-color: rgb(0, 0, 0); -webkit-text-stroke-width: initial; font-family: Helvetica; line-height: normal; min-height: 13px;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span></div>
<div style="-webkit-text-stroke-color: rgb(0, 0, 0); -webkit-text-stroke-width: initial; font-family: Helvetica; line-height: normal; min-height: 13px;">
<span style="font-size: large;">2039 death bed:</span></div>
<div style="-webkit-text-stroke-color: rgb(0, 0, 0); -webkit-text-stroke-width: initial; font-family: Helvetica; line-height: normal; min-height: 13px;">
<span style="font-size: large;">"i wished i lived more without searching for validation on social media"</span></div>
<div style="-webkit-text-stroke-color: rgb(0, 0, 0); -webkit-text-stroke-width: initial; font-family: Helvetica; line-height: normal; min-height: 13px;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span></div>
<div style="-webkit-text-stroke-color: rgb(0, 0, 0); -webkit-text-stroke-width: initial; font-family: Helvetica; line-height: normal; min-height: 13px;">
<span style="font-size: large;">i heard a flute</span></div>
<div style="-webkit-text-stroke-color: rgb(0, 0, 0); -webkit-text-stroke-width: initial; font-family: Helvetica; line-height: normal; min-height: 13px;">
<span style="font-size: large;">like a monkey eats a banana</span></div>
<div style="-webkit-text-stroke-color: rgb(0, 0, 0); -webkit-text-stroke-width: initial; font-family: Helvetica; line-height: normal; min-height: 13px;">
<span style="font-size: large;">give it to me</span></div>
<div style="-webkit-text-stroke-color: rgb(0, 0, 0); -webkit-text-stroke-width: initial; font-family: Helvetica; line-height: normal; min-height: 13px;">
<span style="font-size: large;">don't cry</span></div>
<div style="-webkit-text-stroke-color: rgb(0, 0, 0); -webkit-text-stroke-width: initial; font-family: Helvetica; line-height: normal; min-height: 13px;">
<span style="font-size: large;">don't scream</span></div>
<div style="-webkit-text-stroke-color: rgb(0, 0, 0); -webkit-text-stroke-width: initial; font-family: Helvetica; line-height: normal; min-height: 13px;">
<span style="font-size: large;">devour</span></div>
<div style="-webkit-text-stroke-color: rgb(0, 0, 0); -webkit-text-stroke-width: initial; font-family: Helvetica; line-height: normal; min-height: 13px;">
<span style="font-size: large;">it's our time</span></div>
<div style="-webkit-text-stroke-color: rgb(0, 0, 0); -webkit-text-stroke-width: initial; font-family: Helvetica; line-height: normal; min-height: 13px;">
<span style="font-size: large;">to take</span></div>
<div style="-webkit-text-stroke-color: rgb(0, 0, 0); -webkit-text-stroke-width: initial; font-family: Helvetica; line-height: normal; min-height: 13px;">
<span style="font-size: large;">to be arseholes</span></div>
<div style="-webkit-text-stroke-color: rgb(0, 0, 0); -webkit-text-stroke-width: initial; font-family: Helvetica; line-height: normal; min-height: 13px;">
<span style="font-size: large;">to laugh</span></div>
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<span style="font-size: large;">to play</span></div>
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<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: large;">that little spider on the wall</span></div>
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<span style="font-size: large;">just got a lesson in</span></div>
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<span style="font-size: large;">Midnight Oil</span></div>
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<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: large;">don't seize the day</span></div>
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<span style="font-size: large;">- listen to it</span></div>
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<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: large;">in the valley of death</span></div>
<div style="-webkit-text-stroke-color: rgb(0, 0, 0); -webkit-text-stroke-width: initial; font-family: Helvetica; line-height: normal; min-height: 13px;">
<span style="font-size: large;">i walk</span></div>
<div style="-webkit-text-stroke-color: rgb(0, 0, 0); -webkit-text-stroke-width: initial; font-family: Helvetica; line-height: normal; min-height: 13px;">
<span style="font-size: large;">- don't run</span></div>
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<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span></div>
<div style="-webkit-text-stroke-color: rgb(0, 0, 0); -webkit-text-stroke-width: initial; font-family: Helvetica; line-height: normal; min-height: 13px;">
<span style="font-size: large;">bored on a train</span></div>
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<span style="font-size: large;">crowded</span></div>
<div style="-webkit-text-stroke-color: rgb(0, 0, 0); -webkit-text-stroke-width: initial; font-family: Helvetica; line-height: normal; min-height: 13px;">
<span style="font-size: large;">i was forced to watch</span></div>
<div style="-webkit-text-stroke-color: rgb(0, 0, 0); -webkit-text-stroke-width: initial; font-family: Helvetica; line-height: normal; min-height: 13px;">
<span style="font-size: large;">i remembered myself</span></div>
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<span style="font-size: large;">as a hard drinking artist</span></div>
<div style="-webkit-text-stroke-color: rgb(0, 0, 0); -webkit-text-stroke-width: initial; font-family: Helvetica; line-height: normal; min-height: 13px;">
<span style="font-size: large;">wanting to say fuck you</span></div>
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<span style="font-size: large;">to as many people as possible</span></div>
<div style="-webkit-text-stroke-color: rgb(0, 0, 0); -webkit-text-stroke-width: initial; font-family: Helvetica; line-height: normal; min-height: 13px;">
<span style="font-size: large;">i was forced to watch</span></div>
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<span style="font-size: large;">my peer - a middled aged man</span></div>
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<span style="font-size: large;">squash the person next to him</span></div>
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<span style="font-size: large;">reading off a tablet</span></div>
<div style="-webkit-text-stroke-color: rgb(0, 0, 0); -webkit-text-stroke-width: initial; font-family: Helvetica; line-height: normal; min-height: 13px;">
<span style="font-size: large;">until he starts loading some fantasy computer game</span></div>
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<span style="font-size: large;">with jewels and trinkets</span></div>
<div style="-webkit-text-stroke-color: rgb(0, 0, 0); -webkit-text-stroke-width: initial; font-family: Helvetica; line-height: normal; min-height: 13px;">
<span style="font-size: large;">I'm on my way to pick up my three year old daughter</span></div>
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<span style="font-size: large;">and a six pack of beer</span></div>
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<span style="font-size: large;">- it's friday night in melbourne</span></div>
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<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-kerning: none;"></span>***</span></div>
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<span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-kerning: none;"></span><br /></span></div>
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<span style="font-kerning: none; font-size: large;">take care comes on - by big star - im sitting in a bus travelling slowly through the outskirts of greater geelong - it’s almost 7pm - the light in the bus is miserable of course - the people scattered in the seats in front and behind me, just as miserable - out my window, a dark deeper than the suburban darkness im used to - this is geelong - every now and again, a green neon catches me eye - i see subway-restuarants, where 16 year old girls sell salad rolls to graffiti-artists and skate-boarders - i think about the words - take care - and i think about the vulnerability of all the people i know - i see a car in an otherwise empty and isolated car-park, and i assume some guy in a suit is paying someone to suck his cock - i flood myself with psychedelic music to try and escape this vibe - im in what they call a good space - have been for a while - inspired, productive, sleeping and eating well, positive, exercising, drinking, reading, prioritising, writing, keeping things simple, and keeping secrets from social-media - the good life they’ll never know</span></div>
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<span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-kerning: none;"></span><br /></span></div>
<div style="-webkit-text-stroke-color: rgb(0, 0, 0); -webkit-text-stroke-width: initial; font-family: Helvetica; line-height: normal;">
<span style="font-kerning: none; font-size: large;">i ate my dinner on the street the other night - im not talking al-fresco, im talking, standing in a doorway, overcoat on, cold and rain, eating a hamburger on the footpath because it was the cheapest and fastest thing to do - it reminded me of mexico city, where i pretended to be kerouac, and acted like morrison - im now thirty-five - i’ve always had the impression men live to 72 - women, 76</span></div>
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<span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-kerning: none;"></span><br /></span></div>
<div style="-webkit-text-stroke-color: rgb(0, 0, 0); -webkit-text-stroke-width: initial; font-family: Helvetica; line-height: normal;">
<span style="font-kerning: none; font-size: large;">i see the moon clearler on winter nights - hazy clouds moving through a wind i can’t feel - down here, im warmed by the trees and their shadows - later i’ll build a fire - i’m warmed by the tunes and the music i find - there are songs that simply engulf me - the thickest warmest blanket you could imagine, on the coldest night of the year - wood burns perfectly</span></div>
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<span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-kerning: none;"></span><br /></span></div>
<div style="-webkit-text-stroke-color: rgb(0, 0, 0); -webkit-text-stroke-width: initial; font-family: Helvetica; line-height: normal;">
<span style="font-kerning: none; font-size: large;">so becoming a father makes your life even more meaningless - it was, of course, meaningless anyway - but the truth is you become a father and you truly understand how meaningless your life is - this isn’t meant to be read in a dinner-party “oh our kids are just ruining our life, isn't it funny” kind of way - your life becomes meaningless because you simply don’t care anymore - i didn’t care anyway, and so now i’m really fucking free and flying</span></div>
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<span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-kerning: none;"></span><br /></span></div>
<div style="-webkit-text-stroke-color: rgb(0, 0, 0); -webkit-text-stroke-width: initial; font-family: Helvetica; line-height: normal;">
<span style="font-kerning: none; font-size: large;">is this my black denim phase?</span></div>
<div style="-webkit-text-stroke-color: rgb(0, 0, 0); -webkit-text-stroke-width: initial; font-family: Helvetica; line-height: normal;">
<span style="-webkit-text-stroke-width: initial; font-size: large;"> i’m seeing the clock tick 1am</span></div>
<div style="-webkit-text-stroke-color: rgb(0, 0, 0); -webkit-text-stroke-width: initial; font-family: Helvetica; line-height: normal;">
<span style="-webkit-text-stroke-width: initial; font-size: large;">it’s funny that 3am and 4am occurs everywhere</span></div>
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<span style="font-kerning: none; font-size: large;"></span></div>
<div style="-webkit-text-stroke-color: rgb(0, 0, 0); -webkit-text-stroke-width: initial; font-family: Helvetica; line-height: normal;">
<span style="font-kerning: none; font-size: large;">i sit here with some ananda shankar playing (on a list) with the light dimmed, the movie adaptation of on the road plays on tv, and the fire is red hot but on it’s way to sleep - i take swigs of beer between my words and the music before me - outside the cold and clouds and the night - i hear the trees, and they are endless! - roos, birds, wind, echos of the ocean</span></div>
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<span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-kerning: none;"></span><br /></span></div>
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<span style="font-kerning: none; font-size: large;">***</span></div>
<div style="-webkit-text-stroke-color: rgb(0, 0, 0); -webkit-text-stroke-width: initial; font-family: Helvetica; line-height: normal; min-height: 13px;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-kerning: none;"></span><br /></span></div>
<div style="-webkit-text-stroke-color: rgb(0, 0, 0); -webkit-text-stroke-width: initial; font-family: Helvetica; line-height: normal;">
<span style="font-kerning: none; font-size: large;">when awarded free time, standing in a doorway with a distant stare heading nowhere but the carpet a few feet in front of you is not a waste of time - you are still “making the most of your day” - some people wear black padded vests and go out for breakfast, or drive to a winery for lunch and photos - but if you want to stand in the doorway and just stare blankly and enter the void and become a part of the nothingness, that’s okay, and just as worthwhile as anything thats handed to you on social media - all that stuff is like a street-vending gym membership leaflet being stapled to your forehead by someone who doesn’t realise you run marathons without their help</span></div>
<div style="-webkit-text-stroke-color: rgb(0, 0, 0); -webkit-text-stroke-width: initial; font-family: Helvetica; line-height: normal; min-height: 13px;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-kerning: none;"></span><br /></span></div>
<div style="-webkit-text-stroke-color: rgb(0, 0, 0); -webkit-text-stroke-width: initial; font-family: Helvetica; line-height: normal;">
<span style="font-kerning: none; font-size: large;">i just found myself staring into the distance, leaning against a doorway with a beer in my hand - im playing lou reed’s ecstasy album for the first time in ages - i always loved it - i look at the photos of him in the album-artwork and think how young and healthy he looked - i pull out my copy of lou-lou, the one he did with metallica, and think about how much he aged in 11 years, and how he’d be dead in 2013 - i knew i was going to like that album as soon as i got feeling that everyone else was going to hate it</span></div>
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<span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-kerning: none;"></span><br /></span></div>
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<span style="font-kerning: none; font-size: large;">these are the thoughts that i wake up to in the doorway</span></div>
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<span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-kerning: none;"></span><br /></span></div>
<div style="-webkit-text-stroke-color: rgb(0, 0, 0); -webkit-text-stroke-width: initial; font-family: Helvetica; line-height: normal;">
<span style="font-kerning: none; font-size: large;">i often walk past this certain building, and the way it’s built allows for you to look down to the lower floors below the foot-path level - i walk past this building on my way home and often see this young long-haired guy with glasses working his job in front of a computer - i first noticed him when he was resting his head on the desk and possibly asleep - other times he’s browsing the internet for whatever he’s into - most times he’s just sitting their on his phone wasting time - i often imagine what his perfect job/life would be - the romantic would paint him as a successful artist who also runs workshops for underprivileged kids to keep their creative spirits alive - the truth is he probably just wants to play video games and sleep with the olsen twins - he shops at coles before going to the cinemas and eats of whole packet of corn chips and half a 1.25lt bottle of coke to himself</span></div>
<div style="-webkit-text-stroke-color: rgb(0, 0, 0); -webkit-text-stroke-width: initial; font-family: Helvetica; line-height: normal; min-height: 13px;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-kerning: none;"></span><br /></span></div>
<div style="-webkit-text-stroke-color: rgb(0, 0, 0); -webkit-text-stroke-width: initial; font-family: Helvetica; line-height: normal;">
<span style="font-kerning: none; font-size: large;">there are 3 words that i often get called, and all of them shouldn’t be deemed dirty words - they are:</span></div>
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<span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-kerning: none;"></span><br /></span></div>
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<span style="font-kerning: none; font-size: large;">selfish</span></div>
<div style="-webkit-text-stroke-color: rgb(0, 0, 0); -webkit-text-stroke-width: initial; font-family: Helvetica; line-height: normal;">
<span style="font-kerning: none; font-size: large;">stubborn</span></div>
<div style="-webkit-text-stroke-color: rgb(0, 0, 0); -webkit-text-stroke-width: initial; font-family: Helvetica; line-height: normal;">
<span style="font-kerning: none; font-size: large;">lazy</span></div>
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<span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-kerning: none;"></span><br /></span></div>
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<span style="font-kerning: none; font-size: large;">selfsih: a phrase/quote i heard from a hero of mine, damien echols - it went something like this: they only people who call you selfish are people who are upset you’re not doing what they want you to - that sums it’s up perfectly i think</span></div>
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<span style="font-kerning: none; font-size: large;"><br /></span></div>
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<span style="font-kerning: none; font-size: large;">stubborn: i don’t ask anyone to do anything they don’t want to do, and so when someone asks me to do something i don’t want to do - i simply say no</span></div>
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<span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-kerning: none;"></span><br /></span></div>
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<span style="font-kerning: none; font-size: large;">lazy - you wish you were as lazy as me - i’ve had afternoon naps sleepying beuaty would wake up for - cold air, warm blankets, golden sun, falling leaves, open window - the perfect afternoon nap - a cosy lounge-room sunday spent drifting in and out of sleep - a football game you wont see the end of - waking up to the smell of dinner of cooking - moving slow enough to see the clouds drift and form and move on, no time for sunsets here - i’ll be napping - i’ve spent whole weekends without saying a word, without leaving my house, without wearing pants - i lie on the couch and watch a movie i know word-for-word - i play some music and drink beer, looking at whatever takes place outside the window - leaves, fence, bird, wind, sun, clouds, rain</span><br />
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simonlawlorandtherealisationhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11795228144653637367noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5157525040677815488.post-63769067236949278922017-04-24T06:48:00.000-07:002017-04-24T17:10:02.563-07:00Art Intimidating Life - The Ruins of my Mental Empire: Part One Hundred and Twenty-One<div style="font-family: helvetica; font-size: 14.7px; line-height: normal;">
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<span style="color: white;"><span style="-webkit-text-stroke-width: initial; font-size: 14.7px;">After completing my degree, I quit my 2 nights a week working quiet lonely nights at a local suburban service station to travel overseas indefinitely - i was to just go and come back when i ran out of money - my brothers did the same, so i guess i just picked it up from there - amazingly i did this while i had a girlfrend who, as a 23 year old, was willing to say goodbye, good luck, i trust you - at the time i didn’t even think about it - i don;t know if that makes me naive or in touch, as 10 years later we’re happy and together and married - i trailed my way across canada on greyhound busses, and did the same top right to</span><span style="-webkit-text-stroke-width: initial; font-size: 14.7px;"> </span><span style="-webkit-text-stroke-width: initial; font-size: 14.7px;">bottom eft in america - but my main call for the trip was mexico</span></span></span></div>
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<span style="background-color: purple; color: yellow;">i ended up spending 2 months in mexico - a week at a time in small towns here and there, often chosen from mentions in books written by the beat generation, or in movies like the shawshank redemption</span></div>
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<span style="background-color: purple; color: yellow;">new to travelling, an australian woman named Rosemary, who had an open and warm heart taught me some tricks of the lifestyle - we’d go out for drinks and dinners, and she’d tell and show me how to travel well - hotels, taxis, people, bars, food - we all have to learn the first time sometime</span></div>
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<span style="background-color: purple; color: yellow;">in puerto escondido, we befriended two american guys and the four of us formed a strong friendship for a couple of days - we took an amazing and funny walk along the beach of escondido that will always stick with me - i don’t know why, but after the walk i ended up borrowing money from Rosemary, and had promised to meet her the next day for a drink and to pay her the money back</span></div>
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<span style="background-color: purple; color: yellow;">that night in my hotel room i got savagely sick - desperately sick, convulsing, snatching the bin liner out of the bin in my room to have a solid base to puke in - mushroom pizza it was, to start with anyway - i puked and puked and being a humid place, became severely dehydrated - i had vivid hallucinations of sitting on a cliff top with two elderly men - we were all shirltless - i drifted in and out of sleep and consciousness for a full 18 hours, i’d say - i had completely no energy - it was at complete zero and probably dying</span></div>
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<span style="background-color: purple; color: yellow;">i knew there was a cantina maybe 150m down the road from my room - piece by piece i formed the energy i needed to step by step my way to the store - hands on knees - sitting in the gutter for a rest every 10metres - i eventually made the 150m and bought 3 ltires of drinks - one was a 1.5lt bottle of sprite - i managed my haul home and begun sipping - i struggled, but eventually returned to life</span></div>
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<span style="background-color: purple; color: yellow;">Rosemary somehow found out where I was staying and found my room - i’d earlier told the owners of the small hotel that i was sick and needed to stay longer than expected - that was another mammoth effort - I think word got out about the sick australian pale-boy, and Rosemary found me that way - I answered the door in my boxer shorts and apologised for missing our meeting and paid her the money back as i always entended to - i assured her i wasn’t trying to rip her off, and i hoped she believed me - it was a sad and unfortunate last meeting between us, and a petering farewell to what was a friendship i was extremely thankful for</span></div>
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<span style="background-color: purple; color: yellow;">time past and i travelled again many times - by this time my girlfriend had travelled the world several times as well, and before long we were travelling together - including an epic 3 month honeymoon that will never be beat</span></div>
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<span style="background-color: purple; color: yellow;">memories overlap onto memories and you find yourself growing up a happy person - you become one of those people who have been to germany 3 times, greenland, lithuania, bhutan, and gotten bored of new york, and it’s a happy little addition to your back-pocket - fond memories get blurred and altered, and the ones you spent alone get questioned as to whether they actually happened at all, or was it all just a dream or a fading hope life is teasing you with?</span></div>
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<span style="background-color: purple; color: yellow;">10 years had passed and im walking my 2yo daughter to childcare when a woman stops me in the underpass at blackburn train station - it’s Rosemary and somehow im not surprised about bumping into her - 10 years… we both say to each other a couple of times - she’s surprised i remember her i think, and i tell her they are formative memories i have of our time together in mexico - we talk about my daughter and where im living now, and she says she’s seen me around and laughs about sounding like a stalker - i shrug my shoulders and say if you see me, you see me - it turns out she is in a similar situation to me - living in blackburn with a 3 year old daughter - we talk about catching up, and i’d love to get a beer with her, but she mentions a play-date with our kids and i say sure - we exchange numbers and she’s enthusiastic - we say goodbye and i continue my way to childcare with little-Zed - something in my head shifts aware that all those mexico memories were actually real, and i was just confronted with an example of that reality</span></div>
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<span style="background-color: purple; color: yellow;">we even bumped into each other again that evening, as i walked my daughter home from childcare - we didn’t stop this time, just motioned to each other that we’d catch up and smiled and laughed - twice in a day after 10 years</span></div>
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<span style="background-color: purple; color: yellow;">i never got a call or message about catching up - it’s been quite a few months - im not hurt or annoyed by this at all, but it makes me uneasy about my memories - i wonder if i slipped into some sort of mental state in the underpass, and begun talking to myself, imagining the whole thing - i wish little-Zed could confirm the meeting with Rosemary - did it actually happen? - was my beautiful sleep-depravity turning against me?</span></div>
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<span style="background-color: purple; color: yellow;">i like the mystery and the open-ended nature of these memories - i just hope i haven't missed a beat and accidentally given her a wrong number or something, or missed her call and never returned it, giving her the wrong impression once again, like the time in mexico i never turned up to pay her money back, until she found me half naked in my hotel room recovering from a maddening mexican sickness in my underpants</span></div>
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<span style="background-color: purple; color: yellow;">____________</span></div>
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<span style="background-color: purple; color: yellow;">While I don't know why this guy was looking at photos of dead-bodies on his phone at Flinders Street Station, and I can assure that I don't care and it doesn't matter, I am frustrated by the "hyper-vigilance" it caused in response.</span></div>
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<span style="background-color: purple; color: yellow;">The people who dobbed this guy in to the cops will go home tonight, fall into an over-used saggy couch, and watch television shows that reenact real life murders for their entertainment.</span></div>
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<span style="background-color: purple; color: yellow;">People are so eager and willing to jump on board and ride the media-wave, agreeing to live in fear and paranoia, all the while saying things like "We won't change our way of life - We won't waiver to terrorists"</span></div>
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<span style="background-color: purple; color: yellow;">Don’t let a saturated media scare you. It only makes them money, and makes politicians more powerful to do as they wish.</span></div>
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<span style="background-color: purple; color: yellow;">More power to the freaks and weirdos and outcasts and curious around us.</span></div>
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<span style="background-color: purple; color: yellow;">What's the alternative?</span><br />
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simonlawlorandtherealisationhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11795228144653637367noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5157525040677815488.post-43266722082083695922017-02-10T03:27:00.001-08:002017-02-10T04:03:00.021-08:00Art Intimidating Life - The Ruins of my Mental Empire: Part One Hundred and Twenty<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiWKC2dYKw4SEMj_Pa70kv-db05ffU8H2Mag2N3P3HrcMvlFKPGw9IgzUhrfMuto3AzOhMySk4RT6NOf1wZUCjhCm2084tvnNQLPGtpVWYRuEHVnL3dGxBPkEcIHvrTwfOmZ_oKZnyWG9j8/s1600/IMG_20170210_221208_831.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><span style="color: black;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiWKC2dYKw4SEMj_Pa70kv-db05ffU8H2Mag2N3P3HrcMvlFKPGw9IgzUhrfMuto3AzOhMySk4RT6NOf1wZUCjhCm2084tvnNQLPGtpVWYRuEHVnL3dGxBPkEcIHvrTwfOmZ_oKZnyWG9j8/s320/IMG_20170210_221208_831.jpg" width="320" /></span></a></div>
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<span style="-webkit-font-kerning: none;"><span style="color: white; font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">a poem created from S.Kilbey’s sentence-making template from page 59 of his book of collected poetry, Uncollected:</span></span></div>
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<span style="font-kerning: none;"><span style="color: white; font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">sky leaves sacred,</span></span></div>
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<span style="font-kerning: none;"><span style="color: white; font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">as night’s marble drags</span></span></div>
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<span style="font-kerning: none;"><span style="color: white; font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">as fast as life’s blur -</span></span></div>
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<span style="font-kerning: none;"><span style="color: white; font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">the perfume to celebrate sacrifice </span></span></div>
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<span style="font-kerning: none;"><span style="color: white; font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">rudely kills our luxury</span></span></div>
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<span style="font-kerning: none;"><span style="color: white; font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">warmly breathe for her</span></span></div>
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<span style="font-kerning: none;"><span style="color: white; font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">you give a moment but nothing</span></span></div>
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<span style="font-kerning: none;"><span style="color: white; font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">and now An Internet List:</span></span></div>
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<span style="font-kerning: none;"><span style="color: white; font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">Day 01 - A song that makes you happy</span></span></div>
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<span style="font-kerning: none;"><span style="color: white; font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">Lets Hit One More Place - Richmond Fontaine</span></span></div>
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<span style="font-kerning: none;"><span style="color: white; font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">Day 02 - A song that helps you clear your head</span></span></div>
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<span style="font-kerning: none;"><span style="color: white; font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">Head On/Pill - King Gizzard and The Lizzard Wizard</span></span></div>
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<span style="font-kerning: none;"><span style="color: white; font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">Day 03 - A song that makes you laugh</span></span></div>
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<span style="font-kerning: none;"><span style="color: white; font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">cunalingus - Tim Rogers and Tex Perkins</span></span></div>
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<span style="font-kerning: none;"><span style="color: white; font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">Day 04 - A song that reminds you of something sad</span></span></div>
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<span style="font-kerning: none;"><span style="color: white; font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">Track #4 off () Sigur Ros</span></span></div>
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<span style="font-kerning: none;"><span style="color: white; font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">Day 05 - A song that has a new meaning to you every time you hear it</span></span></div>
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<span style="font-kerning: none;"><span style="color: white; font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">Everything Is Fucked - Dirty Three</span></span></div>
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<span style="font-kerning: none;"><span style="color: white; font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">Day 06 - A song you can always relate to</span></span></div>
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<span style="font-kerning: none;"><span style="color: white; font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">Big Indian, The Dandy Warhols</span></span></div>
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<span style="font-kerning: none;"><span style="color: white; font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">Day 07 - A song that is your guilty pleasure</span></span></div>
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<span style="font-kerning: none;"><span style="color: white; font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">Everything by Oasis</span></span></div>
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<span style="font-kerning: none;"><span style="color: white; font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">Day 08 - A song you liked when you were younger</span></span></div>
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<span style="font-kerning: none;"><span style="color: white; font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">A Forest, The Cure</span></span></div>
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<span style="font-kerning: none;"><span style="color: white; font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">Day 09 - A song that makes you want to dance</span></span></div>
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<span style="font-kerning: none;"><span style="color: white; font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">Desperate Hours, Died Pretty</span></span></div>
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<span style="font-kerning: none;"><span style="color: white; font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">Day 10 - A song that makes you cry</span></span></div>
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<span style="font-kerning: none;"><span style="color: white; font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">Rings of Saturn, Nick Cave and The Bad Seeds</span></span></div>
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<span style="font-kerning: none;"><span style="color: white; font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">Day 11 - A song that reminds you of summer</span></span></div>
<div style="line-height: normal; text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-kerning: none;"><span style="color: white; font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">All of Oh, Inverted World, by The Shins</span></span></div>
<div style="line-height: normal; min-height: 14px; text-align: justify;">
<span style="color: white; font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-kerning: none;"></span><br /></span></div>
<div style="line-height: normal; text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-kerning: none;"><span style="color: white; font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">Day 12 - A song that reminds you of your best friend</span></span></div>
<div style="line-height: normal; text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-kerning: none;"><span style="color: white; font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">A New Low In Getting High, Brian Jonestown Massacre</span></span></div>
<div style="line-height: normal; min-height: 14px; text-align: justify;">
<span style="color: white; font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-kerning: none;"></span><br /></span></div>
<div style="line-height: normal; text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-kerning: none;"><span style="color: white; font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">Day 13 - A song you sing to in the shower</span></span></div>
<div style="line-height: normal; text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-kerning: none;"><span style="color: white; font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">NA, but I’ll Work When Im Dead, The Fauves</span></span></div>
<div style="line-height: normal; min-height: 14px; text-align: justify;">
<span style="color: white; font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-kerning: none;"></span><br /></span></div>
<div style="line-height: normal; text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-kerning: none;"><span style="color: white; font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">Day 14 - A song you like hearing live</span></span></div>
<div style="line-height: normal; text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-kerning: none;"><span style="color: white; font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">Tantalised, The Church</span></span></div>
<div style="line-height: normal; text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-kerning: none;"><span style="color: white; font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">Happy Hunting Ground, The Church</span></span></div>
<div style="line-height: normal; min-height: 14px; text-align: justify;">
<span style="color: white; font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-kerning: none;"></span><br /></span></div>
<div style="line-height: normal; text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-kerning: none;"><span style="color: white; font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">Day 15 - A song people wouldn’t expect you to like</span></span></div>
<div style="line-height: normal; text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-kerning: none;"><span style="color: white; font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">Everything by Lana Del Ray</span></span></div>
<div style="line-height: normal; min-height: 14px; text-align: justify;">
<span style="color: white; font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-kerning: none;"></span><br /></span></div>
<div style="line-height: normal; text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-kerning: none;"><span style="color: white; font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">Day 16 - A song that holds a lot of meaning to you</span></span></div>
<div style="line-height: normal; text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-kerning: none;"><span style="color: white; font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">Rain Falls For Wind, The Sleepy Jackson</span></span></div>
<div style="line-height: normal; min-height: 14px; text-align: justify;">
<span style="color: white; font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-kerning: none;"></span><br /></span></div>
<div style="line-height: normal; text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-kerning: none;"><span style="color: white; font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">Day 17 - A song that annoys you</span></span></div>
<div style="line-height: normal; text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-kerning: none;"><span style="color: white; font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">Africa, Toto</span></span></div>
<div style="line-height: normal; min-height: 14px; text-align: justify;">
<span style="color: white;"><br /></span></div>
<div style="line-height: normal; text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-kerning: none;"><span style="color: white; font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">Day 18 - A song you have as your ringtone</span></span></div>
<div style="line-height: normal; text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-kerning: none;"><span style="color: white; font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">Shaddap Your Face, Joe Dolce</span></span></div>
<div style="line-height: normal; min-height: 14px; text-align: justify;">
<span style="color: white; font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-kerning: none;"></span><br /></span></div>
<div style="line-height: normal; text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-kerning: none;"><span style="color: white; font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">Day 19 - A song you’re currently obsessed with</span></span></div>
<div style="line-height: normal; text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-kerning: none;"><span style="color: white; font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">Day Disguise, Hope Sandoval</span></span></div>
<div style="line-height: normal; min-height: 14px; text-align: justify;">
<span style="color: white; font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-kerning: none;"></span><br /></span></div>
<div style="line-height: normal; text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-kerning: none;"><span style="color: white; font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">Day 20 - A song from a new album you are waiting for to come out</span></span></div>
<div style="line-height: normal; text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-kerning: none;"><span style="color: white; font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">Whatever track 3, 6 and 9 is on the new Brian Jonestown Massacre album</span></span></div>
<div style="line-height: normal; min-height: 14px; text-align: justify;">
<span style="color: white; font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-kerning: none;"></span><br /></span></div>
<div style="line-height: normal; text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-kerning: none;"><span style="color: white; font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">Day 21 - A song you want to dance to at your wedding</span></span></div>
<div style="line-height: normal; text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-kerning: none;"><span style="color: white; font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">It was That Aint Bad by Ratcat</span></span></div>
<div style="line-height: normal; min-height: 14px; text-align: justify;">
<span style="color: white; font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-kerning: none;"></span><br /></span></div>
<div style="line-height: normal; text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-kerning: none;"><span style="color: white; font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">Day 22 - A song that would be the theme song to a TV show about your life</span></span></div>
<div style="line-height: normal; text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-kerning: none;"><span style="color: white; font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">Grinderman, by Grinderman</span></span></div>
<div style="line-height: normal; min-height: 14px; text-align: justify;">
<span style="color: white; font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-kerning: none;"></span><br /></span></div>
<div style="line-height: normal; text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-kerning: none;"><span style="color: white; font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">Day 23 - A song that makes you angry</span></span></div>
<div style="line-height: normal; text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-kerning: none;"><span style="color: white; font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">Ace of Spades, Motorhead</span></span></div>
<div style="line-height: normal; min-height: 14px; text-align: justify;">
<span style="color: white; font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-kerning: none;"></span><br /></span></div>
<div style="line-height: normal; text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-kerning: none;"><span style="color: white; font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">Day 24 - A cover song</span></span></div>
<div style="line-height: normal; text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-kerning: none;"><span style="color: white; font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">The Raveonettes coviering The Door’s The End</span></span></div>
<div style="line-height: normal; min-height: 14px; text-align: justify;">
<span style="color: white; font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-kerning: none;"></span><br /></span></div>
<div style="line-height: normal; text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-kerning: none;"><span style="color: white; font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">Day 25 - An acoustic song you love</span></span></div>
<div style="line-height: normal; text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-kerning: none;"><span style="color: white; font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">You’ve Got To Hide Your Love Away, The Beatles</span></span></div>
<div style="line-height: normal; min-height: 14px; text-align: justify;">
<span style="color: white; font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-kerning: none;"></span><br /></span></div>
<div style="line-height: normal; text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-kerning: none;"><span style="color: white; font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">Day 26 - A random song by your favorite band </span></span></div>
<div style="line-height: normal; text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-kerning: none;"><span style="color: white; font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">Golden Frost - The Brian Jonestown Massacre</span></span></div>
<div style="line-height: normal; text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-kerning: none;"><span style="color: white; font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">Life Speeds Up - The Church</span></span></div>
<div style="line-height: normal; text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-kerning: none;"><span style="color: white; font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">Bittersweet Me - REM</span></span></div>
<div style="line-height: normal; min-height: 14px; text-align: justify;">
<span style="color: white; font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-kerning: none;"></span><br /></span></div>
<div style="line-height: normal; text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-kerning: none;"><span style="color: white; font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">Day 27 - A song you make fun of</span></span></div>
<div style="line-height: normal; text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-kerning: none;"><span style="color: white; font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">Triple J’s Hottest 100</span></span></div>
<div style="line-height: normal; min-height: 14px; text-align: justify;">
<span style="color: white; font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-kerning: none;"></span><br /></span></div>
<div style="line-height: normal; text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-kerning: none;"><span style="color: white; font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">Day 28 - A song that reminds you of your boyfriend/girlfriend (if you don’t have one, make one up :]) </span></span></div>
<div style="line-height: normal; text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-kerning: none;"><span style="color: white; font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">Almost With You, The Church</span></span></div>
<div style="line-height: normal; min-height: 14px; text-align: justify;">
<span style="color: white; font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-kerning: none;"></span><br /></span></div>
<div style="line-height: normal; text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-kerning: none;"><span style="color: white; font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">Day 29- A song currently stuck in your head</span></span></div>
<div style="line-height: normal; text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-kerning: none;"><span style="color: white; font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">The National Anthem, Radiohead</span></span></div>
<div style="line-height: normal; min-height: 14px; text-align: justify;">
<span style="color: white; font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-kerning: none;"></span><br /></span></div>
<div style="line-height: normal; text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-kerning: none;"><span style="color: white; font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">Day 30- A song that you haven’t listened to in awhile</span></span></div>
<div style="line-height: normal; text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-kerning: none;"><span style="color: white; font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">Paycheques, By Tex, Don and Charlie</span></span></div>
<div style="line-height: normal; min-height: 14px; text-align: justify;">
<span style="color: white; font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-kerning: none;"></span><br /></span></div>
<div style="line-height: normal; min-height: 14px; text-align: justify;">
<span style="color: white; font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-kerning: none;"></span><br /></span></div>
<div style="line-height: normal; text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-kerning: none;"><span style="color: white; font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">what forces me to go on?</span></span></div>
<div style="line-height: normal; text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-kerning: none;"><span style="color: white; font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">history?</span></span></div>
<div style="line-height: normal; text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-kerning: none;"><span style="color: white; font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">memory?</span></span></div>
<div style="line-height: normal; text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-kerning: none;"><span style="color: white; font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">no matter where i am</span></span></div>
<div style="line-height: normal; text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-kerning: none;"><span style="color: white; font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">where i run</span></span></div>
<div style="line-height: normal; text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-kerning: none;"><span style="color: white; font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">i come back to me</span></span></div>
<div style="line-height: normal; text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-kerning: none;"><span style="color: white; font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">solitude</span></span></div>
<div style="line-height: normal; text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-kerning: none;"><span style="color: white; font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">attitude</span></span></div>
<div style="line-height: normal; text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-kerning: none;"><span style="color: white; font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">life will do, i guess</span></span></div>
<div style="line-height: normal; text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-kerning: none;"><span style="color: white; font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">if i must</span></span></div>
<div style="line-height: normal; text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-kerning: none;"><span style="color: white; font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">spend my time saying</span></span></div>
<div style="line-height: normal; text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-kerning: none;"><span style="color: white; font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">“i don’t know”</span></span></div>
<div style="line-height: normal; text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-kerning: none;"><span style="color: white; font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">life is pain</span></span></div>
<div style="line-height: normal; text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-kerning: none;"><span style="color: white; font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">but do it again</span></span></div>
<div style="line-height: normal; min-height: 14px; text-align: justify;">
<span style="color: white; font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-kerning: none;"></span><br /></span></div>
<div style="line-height: normal; text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-kerning: none;"><span style="color: white; font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">i saw a tv commercial today</span></span></div>
<div style="line-height: normal; text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-kerning: none;"><span style="color: white; font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">im going to buy a mobile phone</span></span></div>
<div style="line-height: normal; text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-kerning: none;"><span style="color: white; font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">and then be an artist</span></span></div>
<div style="line-height: normal; min-height: 14px; text-align: justify;">
<span style="color: white; font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-kerning: none;"></span><br /></span></div>
<div style="line-height: normal; text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-kerning: none;"><span style="color: white; font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">i see a loving young couple</span></span></div>
<div style="line-height: normal; text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-kerning: none;"><span style="color: white; font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">kiss, hug, goodbye</span></span></div>
<div style="line-height: normal; text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-kerning: none;"><span style="color: white; font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">at the train station</span></span></div>
<div style="line-height: normal; text-align: justify;">
<span style="-webkit-text-stroke-width: initial; color: white; font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">- and i just imagine them fucking</span></div>
<div style="line-height: normal; min-height: 14px; text-align: justify;">
<span style="color: white; font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-kerning: none;"></span><br /></span></div>
<div style="line-height: normal; text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-kerning: none;"><span style="color: white; font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">think with your head</span></span></div>
<div style="line-height: normal; text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-kerning: none;"><span style="color: white; font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">not with your past</span></span></div>
<div style="line-height: normal; text-align: justify;">
<span style="-webkit-text-stroke-width: initial; color: white; font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">- and fuck from the soul</span></div>
<div style="line-height: normal; min-height: 14px; text-align: justify;">
<span style="color: white; font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-kerning: none;"></span><br /></span></div>
<div style="line-height: normal; text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-kerning: none;"><span style="color: white; font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">saying “it’s on my bucket list”</span></span></div>
<div style="line-height: normal; text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-kerning: none;"><span style="color: white; font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">amounts to nothing</span></span></div>
<div style="line-height: normal; min-height: 14px; text-align: justify;">
<span style="color: white; font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-kerning: none;"></span><br /></span></div>
<div style="line-height: normal; text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-kerning: none;"><span style="color: white; font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">we all function on</span></span></div>
<div style="line-height: normal; text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-kerning: none;"><span style="color: white; font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">require</span></span></div>
<div style="line-height: normal; text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-kerning: none;"><span style="color: white; font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">need</span></span></div>
<div style="line-height: normal; text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-kerning: none;"><span style="color: white; font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">and desire</span></span></div>
<div style="line-height: normal; text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-kerning: none;"><span style="color: white; font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">positive vibes</span></span></div>
<div style="line-height: normal; text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-kerning: none;"><span style="color: white; font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">more than we</span></span></div>
<div style="line-height: normal; text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-kerning: none;"><span style="color: white; font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">think</span></span></div>
<div style="line-height: normal; text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-kerning: none;"><span style="color: white; font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">believe</span></span></div>
<div style="line-height: normal; text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-kerning: none;"><span style="color: white; font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">realise</span></span></div>
<div style="line-height: normal; text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-kerning: none;"><span style="color: white; font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">we do</span></span></div>
<div style="line-height: normal; min-height: 14px; text-align: justify;">
<span style="color: white; font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-kerning: none;"></span><br /></span></div>
<div style="line-height: normal; min-height: 14px; text-align: justify;">
<span style="color: white; font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-kerning: none;"></span><br /></span></div>
<div style="line-height: normal; text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-kerning: none;"><span style="color: white; font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">poem inspired by iggy:</span></span></div>
<div style="line-height: normal; min-height: 14px; text-align: justify;">
<span style="color: white; font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-kerning: none;"></span><br /></span></div>
<div style="line-height: normal; text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-kerning: none;"><span style="color: white; font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">there shouldn’t be any reason to rebel</span></span></div>
<div style="line-height: normal; text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-kerning: none;"><span style="color: white; font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">though it is forced upon us</span></span></div>
<div style="line-height: normal; text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-kerning: none;"><span style="color: white; font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">by those who actually believe power is money</span></span></div>
<div style="line-height: normal; text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-kerning: none;"><span style="color: white; font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">that power is meaningful, impressive</span></span></div>
<div style="line-height: normal; text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-kerning: none;"><span style="color: white; font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">that money is success</span></span></div>
<div style="line-height: normal; text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-kerning: none;"><span style="color: white; font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">that success is impressive</span></span></div>
<div style="line-height: normal; text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-kerning: none;"><span style="color: white; font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">i would be quite happy</span></span></div>
<div style="line-height: normal; text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-kerning: none;"><span style="color: white; font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">as the last man on earth</span></span></div>
<div style="line-height: normal; text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-kerning: none;"><span style="color: white; font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">all shit stems from being around other people</span></span></div>
<div style="line-height: normal; text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-kerning: none;"><span style="color: white; font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">nutella tacos, for fucks sake</span></span></div>
<div style="line-height: normal; text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-kerning: none;"><span style="color: white; font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">couples out for dinner with their phones</span></span></div>
<div style="line-height: normal; text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-kerning: none;"><span style="color: white; font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">as an entre, and dessert</span></span></div>
<div style="line-height: normal; text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-kerning: none;"><span style="color: white; font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">alone i would just wonder</span></span></div>
<div style="line-height: normal; text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-kerning: none;"><span style="color: white; font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">place to place</span></span></div>
<div style="line-height: normal; text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-kerning: none;"><span style="color: white; font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">thought to thought</span></span></div>
<div style="line-height: normal; text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-kerning: none;"><span style="color: white; font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">feeling good</span></span></div>
<div style="line-height: normal; text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-kerning: none;"><span style="color: white; font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">sleeping well</span></span></div>
<div style="line-height: normal; text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-kerning: none;"><span style="color: white; font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">getting old</span></span></div>
<div style="line-height: normal; text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-kerning: none;"><span style="color: white; font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">and celebrating the end of human kind</span></span></div>
<div style="line-height: normal; text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-kerning: none;"><span style="color: white; font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">at peace</span></span></div>
<div style="line-height: normal; text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-kerning: none;"><span style="color: white; font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">with no reason to rebel</span></span></div>
<div style="line-height: normal; min-height: 14px; text-align: justify;">
<span style="color: white; font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-kerning: none;"></span><br /></span></div>
<div style="line-height: normal; min-height: 14px; text-align: justify;">
<span style="color: white; font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-kerning: none;"></span><br /></span></div>
<div style="line-height: normal; text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-kerning: none;"><span style="color: white; font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">if i can take the love i felt throughout my life into my death</span></span></div>
<div style="line-height: normal; text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-kerning: none;"><span style="color: white; font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">i will die a happy man</span></span></div>
<div style="line-height: normal; min-height: 14px; text-align: justify;">
<span style="color: white; font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-kerning: none;"></span><br /></span></div>
<div style="line-height: normal; text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-kerning: none;"><span style="color: white; font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">im happy on the fringe of the fringe</span></span></div>
<div style="line-height: normal; min-height: 14px; text-align: justify;">
<span style="color: white; font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-kerning: none;"></span><br /></span></div>
<div style="line-height: normal; text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-kerning: none;"><span style="color: white; font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">i dont particularly like the saxaphone</span></span></div>
<div style="line-height: normal; text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-kerning: none;"><span style="color: white; font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">yet, it appears on so many of my favourite albums</span></span></div>
<div style="line-height: normal; text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-kerning: none;"><span style="color: white; font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">freak outs, mostly</span></span></div>
<div style="line-height: normal; text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-kerning: none;"><span style="color: white; font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">i think i only like the saxaphone</span></span></div>
<div style="line-height: normal; text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-kerning: none;"><span style="color: white; font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">when it sounds like it’s</span></span></div>
<div style="line-height: normal; text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-kerning: none;"><span style="color: white; font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">played rough and wild</span></span></div>
<div style="line-height: normal; text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-kerning: none;"><span style="color: white; font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">as though it’s being fucked by rock and roll</span></span></div>
<div style="line-height: normal; text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-kerning: none;"><span style="color: white; font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">just like i am</span></span></div>
<div style="-webkit-text-stroke-color: rgb(0, 0, 0); -webkit-text-stroke-width: initial; line-height: normal; min-height: 13px;">
<span style="color: white; font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-kerning: none;"></span><br /></span></div>
<div style="-webkit-text-stroke-color: rgb(0, 0, 0); -webkit-text-stroke-width: initial; line-height: normal;">
<span style="font-kerning: none;"><span style="color: white; font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">i should;ve known it would take something a little like death to get me here again - something like death to get me to stop writing and thinking about my two year old daughter, and boring everyone with my thoughts of profound parental emotions - do i look like a viral blogging mother to you? - that would be the easy way, to become a blogging mother - you just write about all the bullshit that comes with being a parent, and then talk about sex and say fuck from time to time</span></span></div>
<div style="-webkit-text-stroke-color: rgb(0, 0, 0); -webkit-text-stroke-width: initial; line-height: normal; min-height: 13px;">
<span style="color: white; font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-kerning: none;"></span><br /></span></div>
<div style="-webkit-text-stroke-color: rgb(0, 0, 0); -webkit-text-stroke-width: initial; line-height: normal;">
<span style="font-kerning: none;"><span style="color: white; font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">i’ve been reading a lot of ellroy - what a man, and a phenomenal writer - i saw a twenty-second piece online where he is ripping into bukowski dismissing him as a misogynous alcoholic with a tight street intelligence - i love the way he calls his readers “pimps, perverts, panty-sniffers, peepers…” etc, etc</span></span></div>
<div style="-webkit-text-stroke-color: rgb(0, 0, 0); -webkit-text-stroke-width: initial; line-height: normal; min-height: 13px;">
<span style="color: white; font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-kerning: none;"></span><br /></span></div>
<div style="-webkit-text-stroke-color: rgb(0, 0, 0); -webkit-text-stroke-width: initial; line-height: normal;">
<span style="font-kerning: none;"><span style="color: white; font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">every waking hour for the last month ive spent listening to true crime pod-casts - there is no fucking limits to those guys - ive suffered some significant truma by listening to them, and intend on throwing some money to a few charities to cleanse this dirty feeling some of them have thrown at me - there have been moments where ive been sitting on a train actually listening to the sounds of someone getting murdered while the fat bald man next to me plays candy-crush - and they ask why i wear black and sunglasses…</span></span></div>
<div style="-webkit-text-stroke-color: rgb(0, 0, 0); -webkit-text-stroke-width: initial; line-height: normal; min-height: 13px;">
<span style="color: white; font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-kerning: none;"></span><br /></span></div>
<div style="-webkit-text-stroke-color: rgb(0, 0, 0); -webkit-text-stroke-width: initial; line-height: normal;">
<span style="font-kerning: none;"><span style="color: white; font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">a friend i never see any more had a death in the family, and our relationship, though quiet and distant, is strong - first thought best thought leads me to an image of some of that thick rope you find on ships from the 1700’s - worn, creaking, organic, wet, salty, useful, and built to last a lifetime - i threw him some short words, and he came back to me with some music - im blasting that music loud this morning with a wet, creaking, organic beer with my friend in my thoughts</span></span></div>
<div style="-webkit-text-stroke-color: rgb(0, 0, 0); -webkit-text-stroke-width: initial; line-height: normal; min-height: 13px;">
<span style="color: white; font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-kerning: none;"></span><br /></span></div>
<div style="-webkit-text-stroke-color: rgb(0, 0, 0); -webkit-text-stroke-width: initial; line-height: normal;">
<span style="font-kerning: none;"><span style="color: white; font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">the grey bonds tishirt and blue jeans im wearing right now makes me think i like i look like mathew butler - i texted him recently about the new stones album - it’s all-out blues, in the same vein as exile, but this one is all covers - doesn’t bother me, i’ve ready keith’s bio and im pretty sure i’ll buy this album - a part of me wonders if i texted butler because i wanted to know his thoughts on the new stones album, or i just wanted to use my new mobile phone - doesn’t really matter, i guess</span></span></div>
<div style="-webkit-text-stroke-color: rgb(0, 0, 0); -webkit-text-stroke-width: initial; line-height: normal; min-height: 13px;">
<span style="color: white; font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-kerning: none;"></span><br /></span></div>
<div style="-webkit-text-stroke-color: rgb(0, 0, 0); -webkit-text-stroke-width: initial; line-height: normal;">
<span style="font-kerning: none;"><span style="color: white; font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">i posted a photo of my daughter on facebook last night, and i thought to myself, “anyone who doesn’t like this photo is a terrorist” - i didn’t mean it of course, but i think things like that just to make myself laugh from time to time - my daughter makes me laugh a lot</span></span></div>
<div style="-webkit-text-stroke-color: rgb(0, 0, 0); -webkit-text-stroke-width: initial; line-height: normal; min-height: 13px;">
<span style="color: white; font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-kerning: none;"></span><br /></span></div>
<div style="-webkit-text-stroke-color: rgb(0, 0, 0); -webkit-text-stroke-width: initial; line-height: normal;">
<span style="font-kerning: none;"><span style="color: white; font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">i ordered a pub meal at the bar a couple of nights ago - i asked the staff how hot the “extremely hot don’t eat this” item on the menu was - they said some people can eat it without flinching, others end up in tears - i said since im here drinking alone, i don’t want to end up in tears, and so i ordered a lentil dish instead - they laughed and said “there is nothing wrong with drinking and crying alone” - of course i know this, however it enjoyed hearing them say it</span></span></div>
<div style="-webkit-text-stroke-color: rgb(0, 0, 0); -webkit-text-stroke-width: initial; line-height: normal; min-height: 13px;">
<span style="color: white; font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-kerning: none;"></span><br /></span></div>
<div style="-webkit-text-stroke-color: rgb(0, 0, 0); -webkit-text-stroke-width: initial; line-height: normal;">
<span style="font-kerning: none;"><span style="color: white; font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">my neighbours have been talking about my front lawn, and how it is getting a little feral - the previous owners of my house kept the garden pretty spic - it’s out of beautiful laziness, and my priorities leaning towards running, drinking, reading, and chilling with zed and lady-elle, that leave the lawn and garden untended - i find myself hassling myself about it though, which doesn’t sit nicely - i think about patti smith and how she let her garden grow wild and feral, and i think about how she is one of my favourite writers, and so fuck that - let the weeds grow </span></span></div>
<div style="-webkit-text-stroke-color: rgb(0, 0, 0); -webkit-text-stroke-width: initial; line-height: normal; min-height: 13px;">
<span style="color: white; font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-kerning: none;"></span><br /></span></div>
<div style="-webkit-text-stroke-color: rgb(0, 0, 0); -webkit-text-stroke-width: initial; line-height: normal;">
<span style="font-kerning: none;"><span style="color: white; font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">the weekend is ahead of me, and i really don’t have much to do - two places at once by the church is blasting, and i feel a deep love for the brotherhood between kilbey and wilson-piper - i read once that WP dragged SK through an acoustic tour of the US while he was in the middle of his addiction - stuff like that keeps my bony body warm</span></span></div>
<div style="-webkit-text-stroke-color: rgb(0, 0, 0); -webkit-text-stroke-width: initial; line-height: normal; min-height: 13px;">
<span style="color: white; font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-kerning: none;"></span><br /></span></div>
<div style="-webkit-text-stroke-color: rgb(0, 0, 0); -webkit-text-stroke-width: initial; line-height: normal;">
<span style="font-kerning: none;"><span style="color: white; font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">maybe i’ll just spend this weekend hugging and wrestling zed, and lady-elle - i’ll drink beer, we’ll eat dumplings in box hill - i’ll think of my life as simple and short - i’ll think about my death, as i like to do - i’ll watch the trees outside this window, and think about the interview i saw with moby, and how he likes to do the same apparently - just watch a tree - funny to think how we mostly ignore them - they are alive - dancing too - always moving and growing</span></span></div>
<div style="-webkit-text-stroke-color: rgb(0, 0, 0); -webkit-text-stroke-width: initial; line-height: normal; min-height: 13px;">
<span style="color: white; font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-kerning: none;"></span><br /></span></div>
<div style="-webkit-text-stroke-color: rgb(0, 0, 0); -webkit-text-stroke-width: initial; line-height: normal;">
<span style="font-kerning: none;"><span style="color: white; font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">im listening to diesel and dust - it’s a great saturday morning album - was it intended for a sunny morning in the eastern suburbs? - i put it on as i saw peter play a twilight dusk gig at the zoo - super mellow evening - picnic rugs and cheese and wine and mysterious dips - i looked around and it seemed people came to simply rest, or even sleep - he played his solo material along with some covers (an amazing song by chrissy amphlette i’d never heard before), but what was really amazing was when he and his band played the dead heart, and everyone, one by one, stood to their feet - rose from the picnic rug comforts, and almost saluted this amazing song, and quietly sang along - it was anthemic, to say the least - those songs mean so much to this country, and to so many of this country’s switched on boozers and night-freaks</span></span></div>
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<span style="color: white; font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-kerning: none;"></span><br /></span></div>
<div style="-webkit-text-stroke-color: rgb(0, 0, 0); -webkit-text-stroke-width: initial; line-height: normal;">
<span style="font-kerning: none;"><span style="color: white; font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">the night before i saw nick cave and the bad seeds play again - i sat in my first class seat in awe - it was a perfect example as to why i never really took up writing reviews - shows like that make you feel so much of the unexplainable, it’s fruitless trying to write it down and share it with anyone who wasn’t there - it just feels stupid</span></span></div>
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<span style="color: white; font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-kerning: none;"></span><br /></span></div>
<div style="-webkit-text-stroke-color: rgb(0, 0, 0); -webkit-text-stroke-width: initial; line-height: normal; min-height: 13px;">
<span style="color: white; font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-kerning: none;"></span><br /></span></div>
<div style="-webkit-text-stroke-color: rgb(0, 0, 0); -webkit-text-stroke-width: initial; line-height: normal;">
<span style="font-kerning: none;"><span style="color: white; font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">office worker locks the toilet cubicle door</span></span></div>
<div style="-webkit-text-stroke-color: rgb(0, 0, 0); -webkit-text-stroke-width: initial; line-height: normal;">
<span style="font-kerning: none;"><span style="color: white; font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">and stops</span></span></div>
<div style="-webkit-text-stroke-color: rgb(0, 0, 0); -webkit-text-stroke-width: initial; line-height: normal;">
<span style="font-kerning: none;"><span style="color: white; font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">for a breath of fresh air</span></span></div>
<div style="-webkit-text-stroke-color: rgb(0, 0, 0); -webkit-text-stroke-width: initial; line-height: normal; min-height: 13px;">
<span style="color: white; font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-kerning: none;"></span><br /></span></div>
<div style="-webkit-text-stroke-color: rgb(0, 0, 0); -webkit-text-stroke-width: initial; line-height: normal;">
<span style="font-kerning: none;"><span style="color: white; font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">sunday evening bus - </span></span></div>
<div style="-webkit-text-stroke-color: rgb(0, 0, 0); -webkit-text-stroke-width: initial; line-height: normal;">
<span style="font-kerning: none;"><span style="color: white; font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">am i the most depressed person</span></span></div>
<div style="-webkit-text-stroke-color: rgb(0, 0, 0); -webkit-text-stroke-width: initial; line-height: normal;">
<span style="font-kerning: none;"><span style="color: white; font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">under these yellow lights?</span></span></div>
<div style="-webkit-text-stroke-color: rgb(0, 0, 0); -webkit-text-stroke-width: initial; line-height: normal; min-height: 13px;">
<span style="color: white; font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-kerning: none;"></span><br /></span></div>
<div style="-webkit-text-stroke-color: rgb(0, 0, 0); -webkit-text-stroke-width: initial; line-height: normal;">
<span style="font-kerning: none;"><span style="color: white; font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">murder, sex and disillusioned power</span></span></div>
<div style="-webkit-text-stroke-color: rgb(0, 0, 0); -webkit-text-stroke-width: initial; line-height: normal;">
<span style="font-kerning: none;"><span style="color: white; font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">i’ve read this newspaper before</span></span></div>
<div style="-webkit-text-stroke-color: rgb(0, 0, 0); -webkit-text-stroke-width: initial; line-height: normal;">
<span style="font-kerning: none;"><span style="color: white; font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">in another life, i dream of</span></span></div>
<div style="-webkit-text-stroke-color: rgb(0, 0, 0); -webkit-text-stroke-width: initial; line-height: normal; min-height: 13px;">
<span style="color: white; font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-kerning: none;"></span><br /></span></div>
<div style="-webkit-text-stroke-color: rgb(0, 0, 0); -webkit-text-stroke-width: initial; line-height: normal;">
<span style="font-kerning: none;"><span style="color: white; font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">strobe sun-light</span></span></div>
<div style="-webkit-text-stroke-color: rgb(0, 0, 0); -webkit-text-stroke-width: initial; line-height: normal;">
<span style="font-kerning: none;"><span style="color: white; font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">as the train speeds</span></span></div>
<div style="-webkit-text-stroke-color: rgb(0, 0, 0); -webkit-text-stroke-width: initial; line-height: normal;">
<span style="font-kerning: none;"><span style="color: white; font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">in and out of the trees</span></span></div>
<div style="-webkit-text-stroke-color: rgb(0, 0, 0); -webkit-text-stroke-width: initial; line-height: normal; min-height: 13px;">
<span style="color: white; font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-kerning: none;"></span><br /></span></div>
<div style="-webkit-text-stroke-color: rgb(0, 0, 0); -webkit-text-stroke-width: initial; line-height: normal;">
<span style="font-kerning: none;"><span style="color: white; font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">she looks beautiful</span></span></div>
<div style="-webkit-text-stroke-color: rgb(0, 0, 0); -webkit-text-stroke-width: initial; line-height: normal;">
<span style="font-kerning: none;"><span style="color: white; font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">in the jeans</span></span></div>
<div style="-webkit-text-stroke-color: rgb(0, 0, 0); -webkit-text-stroke-width: initial; line-height: normal;">
<span style="-webkit-font-kerning: none;"><span style="color: white; font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">that have been lying on the lounge room floor all week</span></span></div>
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simonlawlorandtherealisationhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11795228144653637367noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5157525040677815488.post-87474900193411444702017-01-03T20:00:00.001-08:002017-01-03T20:02:54.605-08:00Art Intimidating Life - The Ruins of my Mental Empire: Part One Hundred and Nineteen<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjGWeuNCWW8mNNP5mb_DAyMm_OzNSvYIf7VQ6aOSIoUs1xLAK8HcSXswigIp1xnWONc5LZeKYgtwgWO3DWWyrdCZhVRgI81xA7j1VOHJG8SiQhmQz1JdTDbVf8HU2rrFjs6hXiWkYNkIGTQ/s1600/pizap.com14835023064521.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="212" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjGWeuNCWW8mNNP5mb_DAyMm_OzNSvYIf7VQ6aOSIoUs1xLAK8HcSXswigIp1xnWONc5LZeKYgtwgWO3DWWyrdCZhVRgI81xA7j1VOHJG8SiQhmQz1JdTDbVf8HU2rrFjs6hXiWkYNkIGTQ/s320/pizap.com14835023064521.jpg" width="320" /></a></div>
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<span style="font-kerning: none;">i sat on a train opposite an elderly lady - she was in her mid-sixties i guess - she had one of those trolleys elderly ladies use - they don’t make them like they used to - or at all…</span></div>
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<span style="font-kerning: none;">it was over 35 degrees outside - one of those days where the weather binds us all and brings everyone with one common endeavour - enduring the heat</span></div>
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<span style="font-kerning: none;">i let the air-conditioned carriage slowly cool me, but still felt the dirty aura of the summer’s day around me - scanning the carriage behind black sunglasses, i soon realised the elderly lady wasn’t patting sweat off her face with a tissue, but invisible tears, as she was crying subtly, and silently</span></div>
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<span style="font-kerning: none;">my first thought was that it never ends - sadness follows us to the final years and final days of our lives</span></div>
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<span style="font-kerning: none;">i wanted to try and help - i thought about myself, and wondered if i was a good person or not - was i part of the problem, part of the solutions, or just a dirty empty can getting kicked around by those playing the game</span></div>
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<span style="font-kerning: none;">i sat for a while doing nothing but sipping on a coke-zero and listening to music on my ipod - i noticed one or two other people saw that she was crying, though most people didn’t - i wondered if the other one or two and i were just waiting for each other to do something - who would be best equipped to ask whether this lady was okay? - each second that past by made me feel more and more a part of the problem, and less like the dirty empty can</span></div>
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<span style="font-kerning: none;">as the train came to my stop, i pulled out my headphones and stood by the door next to where she sat and asked “are you okay?”</span></div>
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<span style="font-kerning: none;">she didn’t say anything for a second, making me think i was going to have to raise my voice, until nodding and mouthing the words “thank you”</span></div>
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<span style="font-kerning: none;">i asked “do you need anything?”</span></div>
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<span style="font-kerning: none;">she kept her original nod going, mouthing the words “thank you”, in a way that actually meant no, i don’t</span></div>
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<span style="font-kerning: none;">i got off the train at my stop - i don’t know what i would’ve done if she had said yes - i had a movie to catch - but i hope i was of some comfort to her - some kind of discrete, subtle comfort for her discrete subtle tears and sadness</span></div>
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<span style="font-kerning: none;">i saw “paterson”, the latest film by jim jarmusch - i love his movies - it was showing in a small cinema at the kino in the city - the 35 degree heat had found its way inside with an almost sold out show</span></div>
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<span style="font-kerning: none;">an elderly man found a seat next to me - we were both alone after a single seat - i opened a bottle of cider with the bottle opener key-ring on my keys, and the movie began</span></div>
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<span style="font-kerning: none;">it ended up being one of the best movies i’ve ever seen in my life - i really loved it - the old man and i laughed quite a bit during what is a cheerful and sad film - though everything he laughed i got blasted with his deathly bad breath - in all fairness, he probably copped a blasting from my booze stained laughs also - i had had around three by this stage</span></div>
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<span style="font-kerning: none;">as the credits rolled a woman sitting to the other side of me jumped to leave as quickly as possible leaving her crumbs and demolished pop-corn box behind - the others in the cinema soon followed - leaving the elderly man and i sitting next to each other, together in an otherwise empty cinema, watching the credits roll</span></div>
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<span style="font-kerning: none;">it felt nice knowing we had both enjoyed the film - and that we’d both come to see it alone</span></div>
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<span style="font-kerning: none;">after taking a piss i left the cinema - the 35 degrees had shifted to a comfortable twenty-something - i walked outside into the aftermath of what i would later learn was a flash-flooding summer down-pour</span></div>
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<span style="font-kerning: none;">i got that feeling i used to get every time i left the cinemas - a warm, quiet calm, that makes everything outside look new, amazing, interesting and inspired</span></div>
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<span style="font-kerning: none;">i was now somewhere in another world that wasn't a movie</span></div>
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simonlawlorandtherealisationhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11795228144653637367noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5157525040677815488.post-72343700876354236382016-07-15T09:40:00.004-07:002016-07-15T09:57:07.072-07:00Art Intimidating Life - The Ruins of my Mental Empire: Part One Hundred and Eighteen<div style="-webkit-text-stroke-color: rgb(0, 0, 0); -webkit-text-stroke-width: initial; font-family: Helvetica; line-height: normal; text-align: center;">
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<span style="-webkit-font-kerning: none;">i woke up happy</span></div>
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<span style="font-kerning: none;">there was no reason for it - when you wake up happy you take it, and don’t ask questions</span></div>
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<span style="font-kerning: none;">how many answers do you really want to hear?</span></div>
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<span style="font-kerning: none;">but when it happened a second time i realised i had created my own personal definition of success</span></div>
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<span style="font-kerning: none;">when it happened a third time i realised i had kept my life simple, done my best to minimise my lifestyle - things were clear</span></div>
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<span style="font-kerning: none;">when it happened a forth time i realised i keep everything in my life in perspective, and within priority - nothing really means anything other than matters of the heart, soul, and the deeper mind - i have a bad day, yet i walk outside and feel the cold melbourne air on my face, and soon hear mystic tunes of psychedelia that draw me to my loved ones - and it is the deep thoughts of those people, and the time shared with them, that help dissipate bad vibes into beautiful drizzly thick grey fog, that i walk straight through</span></div>
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<span style="font-kerning: none;">when it happened a fifth time i realised i no longer want to change anyone’s mind - i’d sit amongst arguments and feel like i’m sinking into a heated bean-bag - i state my opinion, when i feel informed enough to do so - but im comfortable enough to change it if logic poked her/his head and winked, suggesting more - arguments aren’t competitions to be won - but if they were, i’d want to lose - i’d welcome it</span></div>
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<span style="font-kerning: none;">when it happened a sixth time i realised i keep an open mind to everything all the time - my opinions are really flexible, because i want to keep learning and improve my thinking - i realised everyone is entitled to their opinion, but not all opinions are right, correct or good - having an opinion and changing is something substantial</span></div>
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<span style="font-kerning: none;">when it happened a seventh time i realised i take comfort in my own company - i leant the difference between alone and lonely - i snubbed the social stigma of eating-solo and drinking-solo and cinema-going-solo - travelling solo - alone with my thoughts, alone with myself - allowing my mind to wander with no guidance or influence - losing myself with the opinion that one can never truly find themselves - and that’s infinite, and good for the soul</span></div>
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<span style="font-kerning: none;">when it happened an eighth time i realised i rely on wild-natural-surroundings to charge my soul, and give me energy and inspiration - the world as it is, was, should and will be - seeing the oceans constant never-ending ebb and flow - seeing leafs fall - the moon shine - the rain come - the earth was it has been for millions of years, right before your eyes - true peace be</span></div>
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<span style="font-kerning: none;">when it happened a ninth time i realised i don’t really care about anything</span></div>
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<span style="font-kerning: none;">when it happened a tenth time i realised i need to write to keep myself happy - creative at least - do something that represents something, explores and/or discovers something new from within - do something that keeps me insane and something that keeps me abnormal - something that keeps me high from the drag of normality, the dry obvious-trends, the sickening pathetic-buzz-words and the sad-popular-coolness - nerds are cool these days, but im a fucking weirdo</span></div>
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<span style="font-kerning: none;">when it happened an eleventh time i realised i need to keep reading books, and stockpile a collection of books so i always have something to read - my current collection of books to be read is almost 150cm high</span></div>
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<span style="font-kerning: none;">when it happened a twelfth time i realised i look to the stars every chance i get - the absolute infinite - true existence - are we alone?… and therefore are we the universe’s biggest (and only) mistake? - man oh man - looking to the stars will never get old - it will never hurt, always benefit you - we are nothing but natural beings on a relatively insignificant yet beautiful planet, only in existence for the amount of time it takes to forget what you did three weeks ago</span><br />
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<span style="font-kerning: none;">when it happened a thirteenth time i realised i contemplate death all the time - a fear of death is no reason to live life - knowing my consciousness will one day be gone, inspires me to think as much as i can, and to think properly - knowing my body will one day be shot dead by drunk police officers, motivates me to move and explore and run and walk and dance - i will experience what it feels like to die, just as you will, and just as everyone will - and death is holy and i place it on a pedestal it as a 34 year old - along with birth and love, death is the ultimate human experience</span></div>
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<span style="font-kerning: none;">when it happened a fourteenth time i heard two simple words - whatever works - they came to me in a forgotten woody allen movie by the same name - larry david plays the main character - but those two words and the sentiment of the movie taught me to focus on whatever makes me happy, and do it - whatever works: no matter how socially unacceptable, no matter how common or uncommon, no matter how cool or uncool - do what makes you happy, and never feel the need to apologise for it or explain it - so i listen to music, fall in love, i run 40km+ a week, i have a daughter, i read, i write, i drink beers, i travel the world, i nap, i wander, i dig it all deep down</span></div>
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<span style="font-kerning: none;">when it happened a fifteenth time i realised music is a natural drug that can help you live life, and keep you high. I love psychedelic music.</span></div>
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<span style="font-kerning: none;">when it happened a sixteenth time i realised i’m lucky - very lucky, and if you’re reading this, you probably are too - with over 6 billion people in the world, the odds suggest we should’ve been born into a pile of shit - i’ve seen families living on traffic islands - stop and think about that - raising a family on a traffic island...</span><br />
<span style="font-kerning: none;">im so lucky to have a great group of family and friends who dig and come close to understanding me - on top of that, im undeservingly lucky to have lady-elle and zed ring-a-ring-a-roseying around me, and my stupid little life</span></div>
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simonlawlorandtherealisationhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11795228144653637367noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5157525040677815488.post-2175649059945155302016-04-22T08:01:00.003-07:002016-04-22T08:12:40.370-07:00Art Intimidating Life - The Ruins of my Mental Empire: Part One Hundred and Seventeen<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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i hadn’t felt this kind of anticipation since i was a twenty-six year old going to meredith - an excuse to fall out of my mind, with people</div>
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i’m now thirty-three, coming to the end of my jesus-year - the weather was perfect, and getting better the closer we got to the weekend - nothing special, and for no reason - but our plans to head down to wilson’s prom not only excited us, but bonded us, as we sat at our desks and did our work, eyeing the time it came to leave it all behind</div>
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i kissed her goodbye and enjoyed a lazy morning of music, salad, a bit of packing, and a beer or two - as my friend picked me up, i was honered and pleased and excited to hear him suggest i sort out the music for the trip - a last minute whip-up to cater for a metal-head, a pop-star and a psychedelic princess - dead meadow, comets on fire, beck</div>
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i laughed to myself as i saw my friend just throw individual objects into the boot of the 4wd - his way of packing against my pack-less-is-more mentality - the drive down and the sleepy wrong turns were a long one in distance perhaps, but my mind was buzzing and with a six-pack of beer warming at my feet, it felt like we arrived at the booth in no time at all - the gateway to the prom is significant - even as i kid i could tell when we’d arrived, even though we were thirty kilometers away</div>
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looking for a camp site was dire, and a little sad to see so many people camping so close together, as though this was actually camping - i needed an unearthly-piss, and eventually just jumped out of the car and let my friends look for a site as i waddled to a toilet block pretending my whole body wasn’t about to explode with psychedelic-beer-urine - yeah, this’ll do, was the general consensus, as we pitched our tents at dusk</div>
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i take my beer and walk down to the river - i feel holy and secure - the wall of trees and mountain that face and surround Tidal River appear to me like art-work in an empty gallery - i sit by the boardwalk, and look at Whale Rock like the philosopher i’m falling into - in my adult boozy perspective, i finally see the whale in Whale Rock</div>
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seriously, i had been looking at it wrong, or at lest differently my whole life - i can’t shake it off though</div>
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i have potent childhood memories of wilson’s prom, and i have to hold myself back from pointing them all out to my friends - none of these memories involve camping though, and all of them involve the john gregory lodge - as we walk past it for ice-cream im silently joyed to see it hasn’t changed a bit - i get a sense of winter-cold and heater-fed-warmth and wet-rain despite being blessed with the most perfect blue sky summer sun-shine</div>
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i let my memories spill once or twice to my friends, relieved to unleash some of them, at least</div>
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i get up fairly early after nice sleep, and get ready for run - i plan to run out to oberon bay - i can’t remember ever being out there before - the weather is perfect - deep blue cloudless with the morning still waking up - the first 500m i can feel the 500 beers from the previous night, but they soon fade away - im sore, but i feel myself running somewhere between new and old memories - they’re all streaming by, like the blur outside a train window - i know despite the soreness, and the beer slugs, i could run forever if i allowed myself to - hills, rocks, tight little paths paving their way through and over some world-class earth - i allow myself to stop at some points, just to soak up some scenery - other times i just keep running, shaking my head in disbelief</div>
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at little oberon bay i interupt two guys who think they have the place to themselves and are screaming and spashing in the water like they’ve seen too many big-m commercials - they scatter up the dunes after they wave to me - i can’t find my way past little oberon bay, so make the mental plans to head back to tidal river along norman bay and run out to pillar point</div>
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the tea-trees still tent and cover the track - i still move swiftly in their shade and make it to the point on the brink of dehydration - i stand in sweat and silence as i scan the scene before me - world class - absolutely - an older man approaches from the bushes behind me and takes in the scene as well - we talk and i do my best to quell the nausea of dehydration - he’s an old retired runner, now just cruising around australia by himself in a van with no sense of time or need - i dig that, and his plans to head down to tasmania next - he wishes me luck on breaking the 4hr mark for my next marathon, and i take off running again - curing my nausea, but eager to get back to camp for a nice cold drink</div>
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we all move down the to the beach and my friend asks me if Z, (my daughter), would be old enough to enjoy this - i have to restrain myself from saying - fuck-yes, i’ve been thinking about it all day - we stand in the water as a group of friends and talk and laugh with mindless ease - no-one knows what’s coming next, it all just happens - we drink some beers by the rocks in the shade, allowing the beach before us, and the beer, to intoxicate us into a silly, hilarious, state of mind - i hurt with laughter for the next hour or so as we find inventive and dangerous places to piss</div>
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at one point i simply interrupt the two friends next to me and, completely off topic, have to point out that “the amazing thing about wilsons prom is the way those massive rocks are embedded into the mountains” - they agree whole-heartedly, and we continue to drink until it’s time to bbq dinner</div>
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back home i read an essay by a hero of mine Robyn Davidson about nomads - i think about how being in the bush - at least a little bit - gives us a sense, and reminds us of what the world was supposed to be - a true sense of place</div>
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robyn davidson spoke of the dreamtime as a song, as music, something that tells you something and breaks through past/present/future - the australian land is a spiritual, emotional song, where you have to sit back and relax if you want to hear it properly - and as with every work of art, we hear and see it differently - we just have to remember that our emotional responses come from the same source</div>
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a couple of days after returning from the prom, i was on the train home and there was this nut-case on the train home - calling everyone motherfuckers and calling the end of the world because of everyones iphones and eyepods - i imagine he is what i would become if i never got away for some time alone, some days to myself - i smile and laugh at him, because he’s full of shit, and im wearing sunglasses - but mostly i do it to make the mother and preteen daughter sitting opposite him a little more comfortable - they’r sitting opposite him and being polite and enduring his pathetic abusive rant - my smile and shrug comfort them - as it does me</div>
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simonlawlorandtherealisationhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11795228144653637367noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5157525040677815488.post-84361419919268213042016-01-29T20:40:00.003-08:002016-01-29T20:51:45.619-08:00Art Intimidating Life - The Ruins of my Mental Empire: Part One Hundred and Sixteen<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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while i have still been writing fair bit, not much of it has been exposed - and when i say exposed, i mean fully naked in the warm ocean at sunset, with a nice meal and a cold beer waiting at home - most my writing these days is just potent little thoughts in a messy little notebook - this is because whenever i sit down to write (and whenever i do, i never put any thought into what i’m going to write, incase you havent picked that up yet…) i’m mostly wrestling my natural desire to write about zed, about being a father and raising a kid and hanging out with a kid - and i know that no-one really wants to read that - not really - but it’s impossible to avoid</div>
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i used to have this raging desire to talk about running to anyone and everyone - i had to tone myself down whenever someone asked me what i was doing that night… - oh not much, probably just cook dinner, go for a run, chill out - …i really i wanted to go into great detail about how i was planning to approach that night’s 15km run, and what music i had planned to listen to as i approached the 13km mark - i learnt far too late that, generally speaking, no-body cares about music any more - i could sit around all day everyday drinking beers and talking passionately about my favourite bands and albums and songs, but people just want to dress up like hippies for the weekend and hug each other at music festivals</div>
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so i’ve learnt to keep quiet and let people be - i keep my life simple and that keeps me happy - however, i get deeply miserable if i don’t (at least attempt to) do something creative with my time - the trippy little videos i make have been taken over by zed - that’s fine, they’re just for fun - photography, while easy and packed with cheap friendly praise, annoys me as now everyone with a mobile phone is a photographer - i lack the patience (and ability) it takes to paint - but since writing has always been a great true creative passion of mine, im disturbed at how zed has affected my ability to do so</div>
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it’s nothing negative, and only natural - but every time i sit down to write about the absurd wonders of the universe, and the madness of everyday life, i’m fighting a great powerful urge to write about the smile on zed’s face as she eats a handful of cheese and sways to the music of david bowie in cute little pink pants - the affect it has had on me is utterly profound, and i hate myself for writing that - because nobody cares - all i’ve done is learn something life has known since life began - but hey, we should be proud of the fact that we learnt the earth was round - that realisation is profound - i wish i was around for it, or the moon-landing, and not just acts of terrorism</div>
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im tempted to just take a deep breath, lock the door and pump the music and swig on beers and gush out my writing and my thoughts on zed and being her father - spew it all out like unicorns spewing rainbows, just like they do on the internet - screaming how adorable and cool she is when she laughs and runs and screams and talks and kisses and cuddles, as i wrap my arms around the toilet and see a sunny day with the softest clouds doing the rounds under the influence of good vibes - hurling it all into space and let it dissipate to find the stars one day - find a way to articulate the innocence of her perfect laughter, the absurdity of me being a father, somehow responsible for this little person as i stand back and allow her to spank a kilo pack of sausages in the supermarket as people around her wait for her to finish - and i laugh to myself everyday because of her - and all those little things i've got to do, all those little things i should worry about, they disappear because she’s happy and asleep and warm and fed, and i can now write about how we always remember our nightmares, but never our dreams</div>
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simonlawlorandtherealisationhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11795228144653637367noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5157525040677815488.post-10822329107933587532016-01-22T05:08:00.002-08:002016-01-22T05:40:17.078-08:00Art Intimidating Life - The Ruins of my Mental Empire: Part One Hundred and Fifteen<div style="font-size: 16px; line-height: normal; min-height: 18px;">
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<span style="font-family: inherit;">what else is there other than a dull, quiet, sickly familiar frustration? - the answer? - only the daily attempt to avoid it - im surrounded by a large blue exercise ball, that we only really use to sit on and drink booze on - a foam horse, that has currently found a way to stand on it’s tail - a child’s tool/work bench that has only been used to eat cold noodles off, or at the very least stuff down our pants - a circular tube of foam, standing like the king of toys, the same way the rialto’s claim to fame was being on the front cover of the white pages around twenty years ago - and now it’s bed time, and my daily struggle to find the right time to sleep - i never really want to sleep unless it’s completely inappropriate - however, when the time is right, i’m twisting open beers and scanning my music collection</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: inherit;">all my life i have had this balloon about to burst in my chest that pushes me to almost do and say absurd and obscene things - the energy i use to hold myself back from pulling down my pants and singing shirley temple songs with tears joy ruin from my eye-liner is immense - it’s exhausting - but i do it </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: inherit;">what truely amazes me about the universe is the term - point of view - this thought that every point in every spot in the eternal universe has a unique point of view - on top of that, anyone who has a point of view has a unique and personal interpretation of that point of view - my interpretation and memory of the top of mount oberon is different (though no doubt just as beautiful) as yours - every point in the universe has a point of view where “something” is happening, or occuring, or merely existing right now - it blows my mind everyday</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: inherit;">surrounded by shadows - black statues</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: inherit;">their faces twitch from time to time</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: inherit;">they are having conversations with themselves in their mind</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: inherit;">i recieve a phone call from dennis the sex-fiend</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: inherit;">he says - if i dont have to apologise afterwards</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: inherit;">i haven’t done it right</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: inherit;">I should never answer phone calls from dennis</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: inherit;">i noticed a girl wearing a crucifix around her neck</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: inherit;">i think about how all the positive aspects of religion</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: inherit;">are really just common sense</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: inherit;">the rest is just there for power, control and comfort</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: inherit;">i see a bald man with huge head-phones on</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: inherit;">$300 headphones for a 99 cent disposable pop song</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: inherit;">i call dennis back, and ask him what he is listening to these days</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: inherit;">bowie, and a bit of eno</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: inherit;">then he says</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: inherit;">the other parents at the playground are only staring</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: inherit;">because they wish they were the ones drinking beer, right?</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: inherit;">I say yes</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: inherit;">when the tourist asks me for directions</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: inherit;">i cant help but wonder where they</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: inherit;">have hidden their passport</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: inherit;">i like that i live a life where i still have to assure myself that i have shoes - i got onto a crowded train once and there was a guy sorting out his heroin - for some reason some over-weight middle class mother of too many turned to me and asked loud enough for everyone to hear “is that your friend?” - i said “no, but jesus, what the fuck?” - I’m no super-hero, and neither is jesus, nor familiar with too many hard drug users, but as designated junkie interpreter, i was happy enough to suggest to the guy he waited till he got of the train to sort out his shit - when i got home i had a couple of beers like everyone else, but kept the tv off as i don’t like the idea of food being entertainment.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: inherit;">i once flippantly wrote that the only things that made me proud to be australian were music and wilsons prom related - sadly, the more i think about that fast-thought, the more it’s true - art and nature is all that australia has to offer me - but our culture is a farce, and flimsy like a younger sibling trying their best to impress anyone who’s noticing - my only faith lies in the fact that the australian bush and outback and it’s spirit, being the most powerful natural spirit i’ve ever felt, will never die and will always crush whatever metro-buzz-fad tabloid media is catching onto today - we can learn so much from it - i have, am, and will - and wish everyone would do the same - properly - not because some website says it’s cool</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: inherit;"><span style="background-color: #b2b2b2; font-kerning: none;"> </span>not that anyone cares, but i bought my first bowie albums with a sanity gift voucher when i was around twenty-one - it was a 3 CD set consisting of Hunky Dory, Aladdin Sane and Diamond Dogs - I loved certain songs, of course, but only I liked the albums from a distance. - They were at times a little full on for me - For me, at my age in the early 2000s - I wouldn’t have hacked it in the early 70s, that’s for sure - (the 60’s would’ve been my blossoming beard time) - But it was maybe around 2010 i the albums really started to take form for me - i got my bowie passport - those early albums truly are from another world - the way five years, track one off rise and fall… fades in like it does is like a landing - touchdown - welcome spaceman - it’s incomprehensible how anyone can produce a song like life on mars? - it’s truly one of a kind - his vocals on heroes is probably my favourite vocal performances, right next to lennon on walrus, and kilbey on hotel womb - but it was only in the last 6 months or so, thanks to some dude at work who opened is music collection up to me (digitally) that i was exposed to bowie’s later work - (all of his work actually - this guy had every single one of bowie’s releases there for my taking - every one) - so i was really getting into outside, reality, heathen, earthling (littler wonder video clip flipped me out on rage one night) - i bought the next day the day it came out, and did the same for blackstar - i had two beautiful lazy and boozy days and nights playing it around five times - i kept thinking, this sounds like a cure album - i loved it - anyway, come monday i received a strange facebook emoticon from a friend of mine on a comment i made labelling bowies new one “a killer” - i had no idea what this weird smiley face meant, as just as i was about to google it, i thought “fuck it” and moved over to twitter, where i saw the news that david bowie had died - i felt it deep - i thoughtlessly posted ashes to ashes (the song that really turned me on, one night the dandies played the video on rage - it was the bulldozer that got me) on facebook, and quietly felt sad all night - and i haven't stopped listening to his music since i heard that news - i haven't stopped reading people's comments and hearing people thoughts on it either - i liked michael stipe's the best - the most matched mine anyway</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: inherit;">his thoughts on ashes to ashes: </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: inherit;">"It’s so audacious as a piece of writing. You can go into any bar in the world, and if they play that song, watch people around the room. Each will sing along to a separate part. There’s about seven parts people sing along to. It's the audacity of not only writing about Major Tom, but then making it this flawless mess."</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: inherit;">and on his death: Right now, it feels as if the solar system is off it’s axis, as if one of our main planetary anchors has lost its orbit - That said, I am certain that wherever Bowie is now—I want to be there someday."</span></div>
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simonlawlorandtherealisationhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11795228144653637367noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5157525040677815488.post-13430742111155385562015-11-20T04:45:00.000-08:002015-11-20T04:48:42.075-08:00Art Intimidating Life - The Ruins of my Mental Empire: Part One Hundred and Fourteen<div style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: 10px;">
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhU_YQ27kFnmbEMPhVs1uBK_CjnY2sHh1ZmmTqTCwyU4UEz3faHUkZHcXIrBmLAm9Id-J3LLasCv0KetNLLqYhNL37mq8zQkMtn1PqE9V5WWlubWZlzXF3T0RR5AexoVruOcslb4ACBivPC/s1600/Photo+on+20-11-2015+at+11.46+PM+%25234.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="213" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhU_YQ27kFnmbEMPhVs1uBK_CjnY2sHh1ZmmTqTCwyU4UEz3faHUkZHcXIrBmLAm9Id-J3LLasCv0KetNLLqYhNL37mq8zQkMtn1PqE9V5WWlubWZlzXF3T0RR5AexoVruOcslb4ACBivPC/s320/Photo+on+20-11-2015+at+11.46+PM+%25234.jpg" width="320" /></a></div>
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<span style="font-family: "courier new" , "courier" , monospace;">real australians say cunt</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "courier new" , "courier" , monospace;">What is ridiculous though, is when I found out I was to be having a daughter, I absent-mindedly filled my ipod up with female musicians – I also found myself watching and studying young girls out and about, thinking to myself that I was soon to be responsible for “one of those” – I was conscious of how much of a nut-case this must have made me look - </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "courier new" , "courier" , monospace;">my distant generation are now bringing out the babies – sometimes they get it right, most of the time I see a whole new world of well-meaning parents preparing their kids for the world of rules and regulations that await them – an endless cycle of meaningless control and punishment – shit, im no expert, but admitting so pays me something – instinct always beats the rule-book, which is sadly a global best-seller, soon to be made into a movie – every movie</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "courier new" , "courier" , monospace;">we have no nostalgia, because we longed for the past before it even became history</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "courier new" , "courier" , monospace;">we dream and long for things that aren’t even our to dream – it could be considered life imitating art, if only it wasn’t the sickly warm and clever stylings of commercial television feeding us buzzwords and snappy modern phrases – our opinions are obvious and tired</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "courier new" , "courier" , monospace;">blessed are the meek, when they’re not being pillaged by speed-freak-disciples clawing at each other, just trying to stay ahead of the person next to them – learning everything they know from the modern world – every one of their opinions stolen from someone else, whose opinion they merely agreed with – that’s all it takes, apparently</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "courier new" , "courier" , monospace;">my disowned generation are writing down “bucket-lists”, which are merely a list of european cities with sky-diving and the aurora borealis thrown in somewhere - I despise the thought and the mention of these lists – burn them all, and see what life presents you – try and understand that it is endless</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "courier new" , "courier" , monospace;">my disowned generation believe in themselves far too much, drunk on cyber-confidence and high on social-network recognition – self-doubt is an underrated tool – used properly, it can open your mind to a brand new world of possibilities and truths – I want the world to treat me as though I know nothing – I want to be a blank canvas to everything and everyone, everyday – being a master of your environment, taking ownership of your life, is always ugly situation - and when you wipe away your hollow, blind confidence, you’ll find it’s impossible too.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "courier new" , "courier" , monospace;">we eat our breakfast for fifty dollars in a café that has been designed to look like a dusty warehouse because it makes us feel as though we are a part of something different, and doing it together, when we could easily eat a bowl of cereal at a bus stop</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "courier new" , "courier" , monospace;">our longing for community is only strong because it is where we can show how far we’ve come, talk about what we’re doing, and wear our new jeans - our success is a self-righteous one, a feeling that we’ve impressed people who really don’t give a shit – each other</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "courier new" , "courier" , monospace;">our harsh-judgements are veiled with fashionable, trending, “disgust of the week” concern for the environment – this is where I stand, they’ll tell you, as they sit in the confines of their lounge-rooms without a television, plagued with wi-fi anxiety</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "courier new" , "courier" , monospace;">3 common sayings I regularly disprove:</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "courier new" , "courier" , monospace;">there’s no such thing as a silly question</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "courier new" , "courier" , monospace;">there are no wrong answers</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "courier new" , "courier" , monospace;">actions speak louder than words</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "courier new" , "courier" , monospace;">you never stop worrying about your kids</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "courier new" , "courier" , monospace;">diamonds are a girls best friend</span></div>
simonlawlorandtherealisationhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11795228144653637367noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5157525040677815488.post-30766650167917317742015-08-07T08:00:00.005-07:002015-08-07T08:00:56.502-07:00Art Intimidating Life - The Ruins of my Mental Empire: Part One Hundred and Thirteen<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgYUgDe5dwnK2laK-PPT7TNFLpUYUkgca3t_UmiEcWvWYWSguz7kW7bga_5rVonPhyphenhyphenZsZ5c8XbY-BPVn-rqnasyQiCE_ls9iBHNPLrdnMWoJ-6wqvvxDwxlLlvpPxH14ayLsWPKAdy1hLZP/s1600/Photo+on+8-08-2015+at+12.50+am+%25232.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="213" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgYUgDe5dwnK2laK-PPT7TNFLpUYUkgca3t_UmiEcWvWYWSguz7kW7bga_5rVonPhyphenhyphenZsZ5c8XbY-BPVn-rqnasyQiCE_ls9iBHNPLrdnMWoJ-6wqvvxDwxlLlvpPxH14ayLsWPKAdy1hLZP/s320/Photo+on+8-08-2015+at+12.50+am+%25232.jpg" width="320" /></a></div>
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tiki torches? - jesus christ</div>
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it was a friday night, so so-what?</div>
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nothing made sense</div>
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so it made sense to go out alone</div>
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just the two of them</div>
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man, shit - one of them sighed on the couch</div>
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yeah, it’s alright - the other one said, sipping a beer at the table</div>
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1 - i really, can’t be bothered</div>
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2 - yeah, i know, but what else are we gonna do?</div>
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1- talk about how much i need to sleep, until it’s dawn</div>
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2 - that comes a little too close to complaining about your job</div>
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1 - you’re right - let’s go</div>
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one wore a tight denim jacket, the other, a workers coat</div>
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they drank as they walked down the quiet streets</div>
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for the first time that day</div>
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they both experienced some sort of real, true, peace</div>
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a simple silence</div>
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however the sound of their boots walking in winter</div>
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and their inconspicuous conversation</div>
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only just went unnoticed to the warm, rich houses</div>
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somewhere down the driveways</div>
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i really don’t care - one of them said</div>
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me neither - said the other</div>
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a couple of late-workers walked by</div>
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on their way home after another late night</div>
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alright - one of them said, as they stood before the only bar they could</div>
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hello and welcome! - the guy wearing an apron said to them at the door</div>
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hey, just a table for us thanks man - one of them said</div>
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most certainly, follow me guys, and let’s do this - he said</div>
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jesus christ - one whispered to the other</div>
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waiter - alright guys, so you looking to settle in, or just have a couple of drinks?</div>
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1 - ah, whatever, just a couple drinks</div>
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waiter - you bet, i’ll just grab some water for you, happy with tap?</div>
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2- ok</div>
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waiter - you betcha dude...so tonight we’ve got a great south kempland cab sauv that just melts with the autumn -taught-meatballs that have on special tonight - the beef is locally sourced from a farmer who grew up blind actually…</div>
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they both shrunk a little and stared at either the salt or pepper shakers, waiting for the waiter to stop his spiel - neither of them really wanted to see the way he moved his hands as he spoke - moving them in such a warm, soft and comforting way - emphasising texture and comfort - the same way car-salespeople, youth-councillors, and false-prophets and preachers do</div>
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this isn’t a fucking cafe, is it? - one of them thought</div>
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2- mate, we’ll just have a couple of beers i reckon</div>
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waiter - beers? sure thing guys sounds good on a friday night, doesn’t it?</div>
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2 - yeah, carlton draught, thank you</div>
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waiter - nicely done indeed, two carltons…</div>
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1 - make it two each actually, we’ll save you the effort</div>
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waiter - okay then</div>
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that was the last they heard from the waiter</div>
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after some wait, the four beers came</div>
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though hardly a word was said when they did</div>
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2- this place… what is it?</div>
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1- a place for real-estate agents to come to after work</div>
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2- yeah, and for them to cut loose</div>
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1 - and stop being fucking pricks for two hours a week</div>
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2- those meatballs will do that do you</div>
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1 - they should order four serves</div>
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outside the window, they could see the passers by walking</div>
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an elderly lady with a pusher moved along</div>
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she stopped, moved down slowly to pick something up</div>
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she had both their attentions by now</div>
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it was a ten-dollar note she was picking up</div>
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nice one - one of them said</div>
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the other gave her a small nod from the window</div>
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she smiled and carried on</div>
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1 - doesn’t it bother you that “common sense” is just that? - So common, general, and bloody obvious?</div>
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2- it bothers me that the “general public” allow themselves to be degraded with such a demeaning label</div>
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1- yeah</div>
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2- ithe “general public” - i mean why not the “left over filth in that putrid scum-puddle”?</div>
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1- they refer to themselves as “us-normal-people”</div>
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2- “us-ordinarly-folk”</div>
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1- “us-simple-folk”</div>
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2-…jesus</div>
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1- they are defeated so easily and they don’t care</div>
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2- they don’t know it</div>
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1- they know it, and they fucking love it</div>
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2 - are they sun-baking or are they dead?</div>
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1 - exactly</div>
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2 - an advanced child is one who has their imagination repressed by the age of two</div>
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1 - that should set them up quite comfortably </div>
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2 - better than him</div>
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1- whoa - check him out - he looks like he drives a car he thinks impresses people</div>
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2 - or wants to impress people</div>
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1 - what was it lou reed sung? who really needs a 60 thousand dollar car?</div>
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2 - he looks like he’s stumbled across some designer-jeans ad in a magazine somewhere, and thought to himself, i wanna be like that guy - i wanna be him</div>
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1 - yeah, as he sucked in his stomach as he stepped out of the shower</div>
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2 - i can see his lotions from here</div>
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1 - i can smell them</div>
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2 - that’s the eclectic-meatballs everyone is ordering</div>
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a ridden vibration, rough or smooth, took its time to expand a vision from a cloudy childhood - all memories are cloudy, and childhood is dreamlike - the immense size of suns and stars - the beautiful cold and moving distance between them all - to stream at speed - to move freely, up and down, as a spirit, free from a human or earlthy connection - to expand and move - a complete connection with the natural universe - it stings the human mind at it’s best - the human mind, the human being at it’s worst? it can’t be so</div>
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one of them said - it’s like the human race has gone from climbing everest, to walking on the moon, back to running a marathon, </div>
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the other said - and then to reading a book</div>
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1 - i know, a full book?</div>
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2 - what's next?</div>
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1 - taking a walk, i guess</div>
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simonlawlorandtherealisationhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11795228144653637367noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5157525040677815488.post-69426033471980314382015-07-31T21:02:00.002-07:002015-07-31T21:02:31.622-07:00Art Intimidating Life - The Ruins of my Mental Empire: Part One Hundred and Twelve<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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i stretched my hamstrings as a cheap australian drama droned on the tv the background - someone loves someone - things shouldn’t be so complicated, i thought to myself - it was cold and dark outside, but i didn’t mind - i was used to it - you see, im the weirdo in the dark jacket who walked the streets at night - i am the reason you’re needlessly afraid to walk home at night— but no - not me - i’m harmless</div>
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as i opened the front door, a charge of cold air filled my lungs and stung my body - i run old school - short shorts, light singlet, digital watch - i run ten kilometres every night - strangely, i can’t sleep without it - i pushed through the first step, and begun my stride - light and smooth - up and down the suburban streets - the black night and gold street lights providing just enough to give me a sense of where it is i am, and where im going</div>
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i smell the warm curry dinners cooking - i smell the woodfires burning - i sense the soup - every now and again, i get a glimpse of the fuzzy neon blue as families watch their cheap australian dramas - there is a great feeling of satisfaction runners like myself experience - its the pumping speed of your legs and the muscles that fuel them, against the calm flow, the patiences and control of the air in your lungs - in, and out, slowly, while your legs move and act like mad-men on the loose, after years in the hole - but nah, there’s nothing going on here - there’s nothing crazy about me</div>
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i’ve been chased by dogs - swooped by birds and attacked by ducks - i’ve been spooked by possums, and sure, i’ve done my share of spooking too - i’ve had near misses and close calls - ive given sweet-girl-p-platers stern shakes of the head as they run their red-lights - i’ve puked outside a church, as an alcoholics-anonymous meeting came to a close - i hear the yells from passing cars - some complimentary, most not - i’ve seen it all, while you were sleeping</div>
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though there wasn’t much to that night - a lazy moon somewhere, some fading stars struggling against the clouds - i felt good, though i’d be lying if i didnt admit to feeling a little nervous - it was wednesday night, and with each turn, left or right, i was jolted with a thrill knowing i was getting closer - i was on my way - i was heading in the right direction</div>
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her house was down a dark tree-lined street, and it was bin night — shrubs and bushes lined her driveway - as i stopped before it, i felt the sweat on my face and shoulders cool and chill - my breath filled the air in front of me, as i walked up the driveway as if i owned the place - its the only way - my nerves held my breath, but i so desperately wanted to breathe - i wanted to breathe the same air she breathes - but for that, i’d have to wait</div>
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upon nearing the back gate, i noticed a car lighting up the dark street behind me - knowing the best reaction was to stay calm, i casually opened the back gate and entered the backyard - i thought i’d blown it - i prepared myself to bolt and run away - over the neighbours fence, through their garage and back out onto the opposite street, just as i had seen and planned on google-maps, in case of a situation like this - i waited for the call and question, but nothing came - i crouched in the darkness behind a small tree in the backyard, and turned around to see a young man, delivering a pizza</div>
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i heard his knock on the door, and i heard the quick muffled footsteps inside move towards answering it - hearing her movements warmed me - pizza night, i thought to myself, relieved, but still shaken with stiff nerves - no matter how much i strained, i couldn’t hear their exchange - i so desperately wanted to know what kind of pizza she ordered - my head lowered, my eyes closed, but i couldn’t make it out - margarita perhaps? supreme maybe - definitely not bbq-chicken - eventually i settled, thinking margarita made sense - that was her favourite, i could tell - spiced and scented herbs - with a loud thank-you and see-ya later, the pizza-guy stomped back to his car, reversed out the driveway, and drove away - leaving us alone</div>
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i swiftly moved to a more secluded bush - the light from the kitchen window lit the backyard up in dim shades - i could barely make out what was in front of me, but that was how i liked it - the element of surprise</div>
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the clothes-line was perhaps four meters away from my sanctum, exposed in the centre of the backyard - as though it were on display - parading - a cool night breeze passed over it’s treasures - i watched their movements and took a deep breath - it was fully loaded - i had planned this well, and felt a sense of pride - i took my moment, and i soaked it up - as if moving on instinct alone, i dashed from my leafy den and took to the clothesline - my altar - my holy grail - my goddess</div>
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i pulled out the plastic zip-lock bag from the back of my shorts as i crept - standing up amongst the shirts, skirts and tea-towels, i found myself surrounded by an intoxicating cloud of underpants - bonds were her favourite - i could tell - while i was in the opportunity to gather many pairs, i practised discipline, and snatched the one pair of black bonds with a small pink pattern, and snuffed them into the small plastic bag, fumbling a little as i zip-locked them up</div>
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stuffing the bag back down my shorts, i noticed from the corner of my wide eyes, a temptation too strong to ignore - the matching bra - it dangled loosely by one of the straps, the night air moving it gently - dare i? - it would raise suspicion, im sure, but the feeling of recklessness was too strong, and it excited me - so i took it to some next-level-shit</div>
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as i tried to calm myself and prepare for the casual walk back to the street, i noticed the shades and shadows morph and move across the grass - from my hiding spot, i looked back towards the house and saw her standing before the kitchen window - she posed, pouted and turned a little, looking at her reflection in the window - she chewed a piece of the pizza slice that she held in her hand - i still couldn’t make out what type it was, but i was determined to find out - i watched her and felt my soul warm and sweeten - she wore the perfect pizza-night pony tail, and a loose fitting shirt - i wondered and imagined hard, thinking about what type of underwear she was wearing that night at that very moment— though no matter how hard i tried, i couldn’t work it out - i gave up - those will have to wait</div>
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arriving home, i stopped my watch and saw that i ran a pretty good time - not surprising, i guess - 4min 40second kilometres over 10km - inside the heater felt too warm - on the tv a young woman sat on a couch, being consoled by a woman i assumed was her mother - some kind of heart-break i guess</div>
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“good run?” my wife asked, sipping on her glass of wine, sitting on the couch</div>
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“It was actually - pretty good time - freezing out there though” - i sat down and begun to stretch my legs out - the plastic bag in my shorts made a slight sound, but nothing noticeable</div>
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“it’s even freezing in here! i can’t believe you went out tonight” - she had a blanket wrapped around her</div>
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“i’m starving” i said - “have we got anything for dinner?”</div>
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“there’s some left of lasagne if you want it.”</div>
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“nah” i said, standing up to stretch out my calves “lets order a pizza”</div>
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simonlawlorandtherealisationhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11795228144653637367noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5157525040677815488.post-5111442915318951322015-07-24T08:04:00.001-07:002015-07-24T08:04:17.368-07:00Art Intimidating Life - The Ruins of my Mental Empire: Part One Hundred and Eleven<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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the eternal fucking sadness of a lonesome highschool girl, sitting on a train</div>
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its like they’re realising the burden of their gender</div>
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due to modern-day-fuckwit men</div>
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staring at them from the distant corner</div>
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of their crowed-feet-eyes</div>
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i think im missing out on all those weird, yet essential, pre-sleep thoughts and visions that may be vital to a healthy human, being - those thoughts that came to people like paul mccartney - but im alseep within a minute of going to bed - i guess i just have those thoughts while lying on the couch watching repeats of the Wire and Breaking Bad</div>
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Food for thought - You can’t hide booze in a tight fitting jacket</div>
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my latest regret is not eating a piece of birthday cake at my daughters first birthday - at least i didn’t on the day of her party - i just sipped on my beers and allowed everyone else drag her away from me, as though i'd recently watch the new kurt cobain documentary</div>
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my other recent regret is one i found after mapping-out a new running route - it went by my old bus stop, the one i walked to when i was always fucking sick on my way to high-school every morning</div>
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anyway, before and after, a girl younger than i used to sit at the bus stop and her grandfather used to walk with her and sit with her every morning - he used to talk with her, ask her about what she was doing, being interesting and ultimately give her a…mighty grandpa wave… as her private school bus took off somewhere down towards canterbury, or somewhere up the mountains - he was always so nice to me, and i was at the fucking peak of my teen self-loathing-content-teen-misery - i had no reason to give this old man attitude each morning, other than it was seven-am and i was a fuck-wit teen listening to the cure, or the REM songs that took themselvse too seriously - i was a real prick to that man, and he didn’t deserve it - i was fucking cold - i now run by that bus-stop and imagine his grand-daughter is probably quite switched on, and living happy - i hope he is still alive as i write this - it may soothe some regret i’m stabbed with every time i run past that bus-stop - but probably not - as i always say, you shouldn’t trust anyone who doesnt have any regrets - they are either lying to you, or fucking boring</div>
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behind my mind, somewhere happily lost, floats a void heavy with time and history - everything all together all at once - it beams and pulses, powered by it’s own existence - every time we meet, they collide, creating our encounters as they appear to us - significant, only if we don’t think about it too much - people stare, and people talk - i see them from my hiding spot - walking hand in hand through a pointless life - reading newspapers and talking about it - drinking coffee and enjoying the sunshine whenever they can - i retreat to my sanctum, drinking myself through another day - cars moving around - i can’t believe so many people have so much to do - it’s not possible, not really - the pressure we put on ourselves to spend this time and serve this life as best as possible is tiresome - fuck the sunshine - fuck my youth - i think, therefore i am delusional, deranged - Thoughts unsound - The truth is filthy, and natural - the meaning of life is grotesque - if we were to all leave, walk away, what would be have accomplished? - a couple of sky-scrapers and a whole lot of torture, masked a couple of cheap scented candles - rough sex, start a fire - the poets are angry and knocking on your door, and it’s too late - there is nothing we can do, despite the fact every action we take changes everything forever - and if that’s the case, what are the chances we’ll get it right? - giving up is easy, and the right thing to do - lie down, take to the sky and contemplate it - drown all your aspirations in a sea of doubt and despair - the simplest answer i can give you is that it’s okay to be sad, and it makes sense to be so - there was the captain, drinking with the band as the ship sunk to the depths of hell - one of them anyway - this fucking mirage - bells and wolf-whistles to a whispered generation</div>
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oh warm snug - where are you most of the time? - once in a while, in head, sauce, body and soul - something to live for - sports commentors are history makers and sports followers are the war makers </div>
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a man in his late thirties reading a book entitled "the balkans"</div>
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a high school girl sitting alone on her phone</div>
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<span style="-webkit-text-stroke-width: initial;">and me -</span></div>
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<span style="-webkit-text-stroke-width: initial;">im somewhere in the middle</span></div>
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<span style="-webkit-text-stroke-width: initial;">and i finally fit in perfectly</span></div>
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how did i get into heroin on my birthday? probably having nothing to do on it, and trying to find something significant</div>
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there is one lost art in music-collection that gets forgotten - going into the store, buying a cd, and opening it outside the store, putting it in your discman and walking home - thats how i first heard the dirty three - debut album</div>
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The Harold and Maude soundtrack must be one of the most perfectly compiled albums of all time - I remember listening to a lot of Cat Stevens, and most likely the Harold and Maude soundtrack, during the increasingly boozey weekends spent while living alone - It was during these weekends I found myself thinking more and more about getting married, which eventually i did - My window was open at all times of the day - The air was always so cold inside - I layered myself with blankets and madness - Kept strange hours and wandered my room until something presented itself - A book, an album, a weird-movie, a thought – Years later, I heard the vile words of a postie who's bike had tipped over and scrambled the mail he was to deliver that day - Rarely had i heard such cursing preceding such anger - Everyday was overcast, but it never rained - These people would follow me home, and i swear i saw a gun resting on somebodies brick fence, but i chose to ignore it - I always get a little thrill out of seeing familiar places on the news - A little old lady went missing down the road from here I live - Concerns her dementia led her into the nearby lake, I guess – I’ve slept out there myself – Walking, wandering, meandering, rambling – Finding myself here or there – I slept as the possums echoed through the trees – Small branches and large twigs, stretches of bark falling to the ground, breaking a silent night wide-open – You may find it surprising that ducks are quite nocturnal as well – Ducks are night-owls, good friends at least</div>
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We walked into a dumpling café/restaurant – we had been there plenty of times before – it’s surrounded by plenty of others like it, though this one is small and less flashy, less neon and less popular than the rest – but it’s cool –we’ve formed a small sort of tradition out of the place – late Sunday lunch – stop off at the bottle shop a couple of doors down and come out with a couple of ginger-beers in a brown plastic bag – anyway, we walk in and sit down and the first thing I see is a young girl in tears – she is sitting opposite a young man with long black muso-hair – he looks like the gentle kind of outsider – he is holding her hand and remaining silent – simply allowing her to cry – it’s hard not to stare, and I don’t – when they did come into my line of sight, I didn’t get the feeling they were breaking up– I thought maybe it was a death, but I couldn’t be sure – I couldn’t imagine either of them were enjoying their dumplings, and inside my mind I was pleading for the young guy to insist they leave, so he could get her somewhere more comfortable – yet they just remained – her tears falling over her red face, his hair hiding half of pale face painted with concern – eventually the young man asked the old waiter for their food to be packaged to go – the girl insisted on paying for their meal, and so the young man waited and stood near our table, holding the remains of their failed lunch in a weak plastic bag – we had our kid with us, and being so inquisitive by nature, she sat and stared directly at the young man waiting beside our table – she was unwavering – the young man gave her a small baby-wave, which brought a smile to my face – I gave him a quiet discrete nod, which I think he appreciated – I felt a sense of respect for this young guy – sticking it out with this girl in such a miserable state – in public, and he didn’t care – more news of the earthquake in nepal spewed onto the news later that day – the focus of the story confused somewhere between the 2500+ people killed in Kathmandu, and a handful of Australians who may have lost their lives in a related avalanche on everest – I couldn’t help but think about my time in Nepal and all the crackly and loose buildings throughout it, and how little it would’ve taken for them to collapse – let alone a 7 plus pointer on the richter scale</div>
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<span style="-webkit-text-stroke-width: initial;">The answer to all the problems in this world is an easy one – basic, and could probably be summed up in one word (by someone more articulate than myself) – the one main problem with the world is that people are too far gone to recognise how simple the solution is, if we want it to be –people are too far hooked on their religions and politics and opinions and conflicts - john and yoko understood this – an alcohol low, the sun-rise –a greater understanding of the things that cause us to be outraged, and a greater awareness of how ridiculous those things are – wipe away this desire to simply prove people wrong and this desire to win, and help and educate and inform, peacefully – compete with no-one, and where did this idea of “attacking the day” come from? – our interaction with daily existence should resemble more of a lone-dance, or an afternoon nap, rather than attack</span></div>
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Raising a child is easy, except for when it comes to getting them to wear pants – Where does this aversion to pants come from? It’s like Wrestlemania trying to get those things on them - The best thing about raising a kid, so far, as been seeing her reaction and retaliation to the continual zerbitts/rasberries I give her on a nightly basis – Her retaliation consists of putting her mouth on my leg and screaming at it – It’s the best she can do</div>
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A messy-hair Monday morning</div>
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Sitting on a train,</div>
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Telling myself I’m a good person</div>
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2am, Sunday night</div>
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The television talks at me</div>
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-A bad influence</div>
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I imagine a catastrophic train-accident</div>
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Two trains colliding - maybe</div>
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And the subsequent carnage</div>
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What would happen and where would I end up?</div>
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I brace myself for a stabbing</div>
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A punch deep in the stomach</div>
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Every time I walk past two men </div>
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Yeah, bigger and tougher than me</div>
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I sit down at a café and I imagine a sudden explosion</div>
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Ripping the street and store-fronts apart</div>
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A deafening blast and the screams and moans and panic that follow</div>
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I look forward to the day when a new warehouse opens up in an abandoned café.</div>
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When I read a book, I often shake my head in amazement over a certain phrase or sentence, but there is always this small sting that makes me think, I should’ve come up with that.</div>
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When I listen to music, I often shake my head in amazement thinking to myself, “How the fuck do they do this? How do you write something like that?”</div>
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simonlawlorandtherealisationhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11795228144653637367noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5157525040677815488.post-30631844576699747202015-04-10T19:39:00.003-07:002015-04-10T19:58:00.287-07:00Art Intimidating Life - The Ruins of my Mental Empire: Part One Hundred and Ten<div style="font-family: Helvetica;">
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<span style="font-size: large; letter-spacing: 0px;">the moon hangs</span></div>
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<span style="font-size: large; letter-spacing: 0.0px;">as a constant reminder</span></div>
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<span style="font-size: large; letter-spacing: 0.0px;">of how little he has done</span></div>
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<span style="font-size: large; letter-spacing: 0.0px;">with his life</span></div>
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<span style="font-size: large; letter-spacing: 0.0px;">and with the lives of others</span></div>
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<span style="font-size: large; letter-spacing: 0.0px;">he walks into a bar alone</span></div>
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<span style="font-size: large; letter-spacing: 0.0px;">and instantly becomes a philosopher</span></div>
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<span style="font-size: large; letter-spacing: 0.0px;">the world is one man closer to world peace</span></div>
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<span style="font-size: large; letter-spacing: 0.0px;">a little bit of shame</span></div>
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<span style="font-size: large; letter-spacing: 0.0px;">a little bit of regret</span></div>
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<span style="font-size: large; letter-spacing: 0.0px;">but no guilt</span></div>
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<span style="font-size: large; letter-spacing: 0.0px;">as each hour passes</span></div>
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<span style="font-size: large; letter-spacing: 0.0px;">and as people come and go</span></div>
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<span style="font-size: large; letter-spacing: 0.0px;">he becomes mad</span></div>
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<span style="font-size: large; letter-spacing: 0.0px;">insane</span></div>
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<span style="font-size: large; letter-spacing: 0.0px;">unsound</span></div>
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<span style="font-size: large; letter-spacing: 0.0px;">but it makes sense</span></div>
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<span style="font-size: large; letter-spacing: 0.0px;">and it’s a natural shift</span></div>
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<span style="font-size: large; letter-spacing: 0.0px;">and it’s a natural gift</span></div>
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<span style="font-size: large; letter-spacing: 0.0px;">he picks up a girl</span></div>
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<span style="font-size: large; letter-spacing: 0.0px;">and takes her home</span></div>
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<span style="font-size: large; letter-spacing: 0.0px;">she’s cute and wears a tshirt</span></div>
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<span style="font-size: large; letter-spacing: 0.0px;">after he kills her</span></div>
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<span style="font-size: large; letter-spacing: 0.0px;">he fixes himself some ice-cream</span></div>
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<span style="font-size: large; letter-spacing: 0.0px;">sprinkles milo on top</span></div>
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<span style="font-size: large; letter-spacing: 0.0px;">he hires a prostitute</span></div>
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<span style="font-size: large; letter-spacing: 0.0px;">and she finds the body of the dead girl</span></div>
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<span style="font-size: large; letter-spacing: 0.0px;">one second before he shoots himself in the head</span></div>
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<span style="font-size: large; letter-spacing: 0.0px;">i scribbled some stuff down on the way to thailand - ten kilometers in the sky, one thousand kilomters per hour - all that stuff - i completely understand that germanairways-psycho-piolet situation - tempting fate, life and physics - pushing it all over the top in one act of complete insanity - my thoughts become my words, written or spoken - thats how it works for me, sometimes - most of them most of the time they just remain thoughts</span></div>
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<span style="font-size: large; letter-spacing: 0.0px;">more and more though, i wake up on flights with a mild enjoyable sense of panic - i look at my feet and imagine how high up in the sky i am - sleepy and warm, and a little uncomfortable</span></div>
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<span style="font-size: large; letter-spacing: 0.0px;">im writing now because im confident i created a life changing moment for a 9month old girl - im her father, and i looked after her today - after she shat herself while i fed her some mush for lunch, we went for a walk - first we took the long way to the second hand record store near our place - i checked out some bowie, eno, necks, ravonettes, church, died pretty - but nothing for me to buy - she grizzled once for a little bit - i was taking too long i guess - we left and walked down to the lake - when we arrived and i lay down the blanket and unbuckled her from the pusher, the smiles and giggles bubbled warmly</span></div>
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<span style="font-size: large; letter-spacing: 0.0px;">it was a perfect afternoon and people were being so friendly to me, like that time i shaved my beard - i’ve know discovered that the child is the key - ive walked these streets for years, and gotten nothing but anonymity, which of course im quite happy with - however, now i have a daughter, im getting “Hi!” and “Hello!” and “Isn’t it a beautiful day?!” - Nothing has changed though - deep down i know it’s all for her</span></div>
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<span style="font-size: large; letter-spacing: 0.0px;">We stretched back in some shade - i fed her some more mush - but she was just happy smiling and giggling - the natural light brought out the impossible blue from her baby-eyes - i twisted open a beer and let her play with the portable speaker playing some sweet, deep psychedelic tunes - the shade, and the blue sky and the birds warming to our company - and i freaked myself out thinking about it all - how did i get here, sipping beers like this, looking after a little baby girl? - everyday i remind myself, im a father, but it doesn’t do a thing - what a strange way to wake up - i forgot to bring any toys, so we had to improvise - her water bottle, her spoon, my hat, my mobile phone - i sipped on more beer as an elderly couple shared some morning tea at a picnic table not far away - some heavy metal love-birds passed by - the sun moved further behind the tress and we remained in the cool shade</span></div>
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<span style="font-size: large; letter-spacing: 0.0px;">walking home, i felt certain i’d created a life-altering moment for this little girl - some sweet sigur ros music playing at the point the golden afternoon meets dusk, walking down a street lined with heavy autumn trees - autumns first leafs blowing in the opposite direction to us - the golden sun guiding them, and warming our faces - i reach down and offered my hand to her, to see if she was okay - and all i recieved was a soft and lazy finger-squeeze - it really seemed like she was amazed and really taken aback by a truly beautiful moment</span></div>
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<span style="font-size: large; letter-spacing: 0.0px;">there are three sides to ourselves - the person we know ourselves to be, and the person we’re trying to be, and the person we come across as to the rest of the world - any denial to this generates a blissfully ignorant type of happiness - a case of being fully aware, everyday, when looking at everyone, generates a sad misery, and a view of the human race and it’s collective intelligence going no-where, in a stagnant mustard sludge</span></div>
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<span style="font-size: large; letter-spacing: 0.0px;">paranoia is the opiate of the masses - gotta be afraid of something in this life, otherwise we might all realise just how free and equal we really are - how one thought doesn’t cancel another’s - how one opinion may be yours, but doesn’t mean it’s right - how one suit doesn’t impress anyone - how one badge can get both shoved up ones arse, or stamped into the ground in a soup of vomit from a public drunkard - i see something i don’t recognise, i see something different - i have a choice - fear or intrigue - i choose neither, knowing there is a life before us all where new and different and unrecognisable things are in front us every single day - if it’s true that everyone and everybody is different and an individual, why do people make me so miserable?</span></div>
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<span style="font-size: large; letter-spacing: 0.0px;">walking down the street, i felt a sense of paranoia - i first walked past a friendly young man, who was unemployed - he was smoking a joint but smiled and said hello and wished me the best after sharing some haiku and discussing the new albums that our favourite bands had just released - i would’ve loved to have spoken longer, but he needed to go home for a nap and i was out for an early lunch/late breakfast - i took a shortcut through the local school - i saw a man walking his dog - i could only assume he was a pedophile, right? - sitting down outside the cafe a young family climbed out of a fwd - black and shiny, with bluetooth and sat-nav - behind me sat a man smoking a cigarette - he tried his best to ensure his smoke didn’t interfere with my meal, but i was too loud and drunk and obnoxious to even notice - later a couple of catholics were on their way to church and i saw them - but i thought nothing of it as their religion doesn’t mean anything to me and they can do what they like - i finished my meal and walked home - i opened the windows and pulled myself a beer from the fridge - as i lay down on the couch, i removed my burqa and my essendon scarf and thought about the planet we live on and the natural environment that belongs to it and i worried myself to the soft jelly core of my soul</span></div>
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<span style="font-size: large; letter-spacing: 0.0px;">there is this man who wears a blue shirt, black jeans - he carries a backpack and sits with a perfect posture, like a mannequin waiting for bus - very serious - he sits in the same seat and stares blankly yet intensely into the invisible-vision before him - no book - no newspaper - no music - no phone - when he gets off the train he moves swiftly to another platform for his connecting train service, ill-shaped backpack over one shoulder - he stands and waits in the same position, with his arms folded for his next train</span></div>
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<span style="font-size: large; letter-spacing: 0.0px;">he does this every single time i see him - which is every day</span></div>
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<span style="font-size: large; letter-spacing: 0.0px;">blue and green should always be seen</span></div>
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<span style="font-size: large; letter-spacing: 0.0px;">if you’re walking amongst the trees in the summer time</span></div>
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<span style="font-size: large; letter-spacing: 0.0px;">i walked down this little path and there was a family feeding some ducks - i had a child with me, so i parked the pusher and took a seat, taking a drink of water - i thought how freaked out they would be if i was doing this without the child i had in the pusher with me - if i was just a man, sitting there, drinking water, watching their family feed ducks</span></div>
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<span style="font-size: large; letter-spacing: 0.0px;">a crystal crunched as the sun burst the morning clouds too lazy to get out of the vision that kept the sleepers dreaming - cellophane, tangerine and lemonade - these are the elements of surrender that keep the dreamers sleeping - give in, give up - the impossible thought of now wasting time - the impossible journey towards heaven giving the future far too much thought - a moment, then nothing, then sleep</span></div>
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<span style="font-size: large; letter-spacing: 0.0px;">central simple gentle gravity</span></div>
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<span style="font-size: large; letter-spacing: 0.0px;">mind and soul and false reality</span></div>
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<span style="font-size: large; letter-spacing: 0.0px;">your death-bed realisation</span></div>
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<span style="font-size: large; letter-spacing: 0.0px;">there are several things i love about the penguin-classic books- first of all, they are cheap, and cheap enough to buy with loose change - and then there are the times i buy i chicken salad roll and im bolting down the road scanning the prospects for a portal to gather cash - i spoil the party, as im not wearing a suit, holding a plastic box of sushi-rolls, nor a sense of purpose or self-righteousness - they cover so many great stories and so many great novels - you put your penguin-classic into your back pocket, yet you are still at the same bar, the same restaurant, the same pho-bar, the same food-truck, the same point in life on earth, than everyone else - once you are done eating and drinking, you leave, and continue reading</span></div>
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<span style="font-size: large; letter-spacing: 0.0px;">penguin-classics, these days, have those orange-retro covers - they remind me of the authentic ones my mother still has in the family bookshelf - top shelf - after you finish reading one of these new-retro-penguin-classics for loose change, they end up looking like they are actual genuine penguin-classics - after a couple of weeks in the back-pocket, or stuffed in the back-pack behind the flash-drives and external-hard-drives and street-press, or in the palm of your hands that you only realise that you’ve got palmy-sweat when you sit down to chill-out and notice and orange tinge on your palms for no other reason than, oh yeah, im reading that book - by this time you’ve been hounded and scorned and questioned - all for simply having a book in your possession - yes, i am reading a book - and who the fuck is going to steal a book? - the best kept secret in every city in the world are the bars you can sit and drink and read in - you wake up with a couple of penguin-classics scattered on your bedroom floor, lounge-room floor, kitchen floor, laundry floor, hallway floor, garage floor, toilet floor, ceiling floor, attic floor, basement floor, walk-in-wardrobe-floor, potential-nursery floor, sex-dungeon floor, front-yard floor… then you know you’ve had a good time in this town</span></div>
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simonlawlorandtherealisationhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11795228144653637367noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5157525040677815488.post-72843672950149733732015-01-30T18:27:00.002-08:002015-01-30T18:28:10.643-08:00Art Intimidating Life - The Ruins of my Mental Empire: Part One Hundred and Nine<div style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 16px; min-height: 18px;">
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<span style="color: white; letter-spacing: 0px;">I like how children mix soft drinks together - concoctions like fanta, lemonade, and creamy-soda - I do the same with soup, and call it minestrone</span></div>
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<span style="color: white; letter-spacing: 0.0px;">i see the sunset through the last dance of swaying trees - i see wind painted clouds morph like giant lava-lamps in the sky - i see two young teenagers, excited and blessed with each other’s friendship, walking home from a cd-store, holding copies of strange days by the doors, or disintegration by the cure, or horses by patti smith, and i know and understand and share their excitement - it’s a beautiful dusk</span></div>
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<span style="color: white; letter-spacing: 0.0px;">I’m trying my best to work out the exact time I took a deliberate step backwards - backing out any significant participation in the free-flowing world around me – studying philosophy really messed me up, but that took around four or five years to really take affect – the chronic push to see ridiculous movies wore me down to exhaustion eventually I guess, but that just led to my solo sessions, late on Tuesday nights, that I instantly grew fond of – I doubt my taste and love for music had anything to do with it – I don’t give a shit what anyone else listens too, and when I partake, there is no force or influence in the world that can, nor would want to, stand in the way of the events that take place in my misty mellow mind – perhaps the rush of phones stirred some upset – I hated seeing those I hold in high-regard succumbing to the quick fix and fast answers of google maps and urban spoons – though it was an oceanic force and there was absolutely nothing I could do about it – simply sit and wait till they’re done – I’ve leant to voice my opinion and let the issue go – it very rare to be able to change anyone’s mind these days - it’s never really my intention, but it should always be a possibility - far too often it’s not</span></div>
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<span style="color: white; letter-spacing: 0.0px;">so somewhere along the way I’ve stepped back from life – I’ve distanced myself from people – not my friends or family, or those people who are in my life for whatever reason – and not the copious number of cool people I encounter during my movements – but when it comes to people in general, and life when it presents itself, I take a step backward – part of it is due to a chronic disdain I have for people, generally speaking, and the life and world we’ve made and caused ourselves – and part of it stems from the lure and temptation I feel towards letting existence and time and chance (and ultimately truth) take place and unfold before my perspectives – I want to let people and let the world go, and i just want to see what happens</span></div>
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<span style="color: white; letter-spacing: 0.0px;">I know I can see the best and worst in every good and bad experience we share, and so I am not afraid – I honestly believe that at least one moment thinking of death at least once a day is a healthy thing – it teaches you to really appreciate everything and everyone around you, all the time – it will all end one day, and we simply can’t take a second for granted – isolation and mortal thoughts help you realise this</span></div>
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<span style="color: white; letter-spacing: 0.0px;">so where does this leave me? – walking to work this morning, I was struck with a very clear image of what my perspective looks and feels like – there is this movie called “almost famous” – there is a shot in this film where the boy-child-music-journalist is sitting on a hotel room bed, and he has a gang-lust of teenage-girl groupies dancing a circle around him in their underpants – he sits bewildered and amazed and shocked and excited, out of control in the hands of an ultimate beauty, as they ballet around him in soft-slow-motion – it’s that sense of bewilderment, amazement, shock and excitement that I feel every time I slowly step back from the world – alone with the world unfolding, revealing it’s strange truth, and dancing in it’s underpants, all around me</span></div>
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<span style="color: white; letter-spacing: 0.0px;">that’s the best I can do to explain why I am the way I am, and why i’m happy doing the things i do - thanks</span></div>
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simonlawlorandtherealisationhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11795228144653637367noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5157525040677815488.post-27069784302598554052014-09-19T07:49:00.004-07:002014-09-19T16:38:02.139-07:00Art Intimidating Life - The Ruins of my Mental Empire: Part One Hundred and Eight<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiBm9DsTAs2hctY_X4jx49Q_8XRmp1w4I8bYrQFcmkzF7albJd170SSnUltMrWkDV_sR-7bnjdF87QsELj4ZxQ7PpZY73oXojktqRlyg9tGQXeVP2QqR1pJQhajTnIy5B7y-e1rkfqzGiEE/s1600/Photo+on+20-09-2014+at+12.40+am+%232.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiBm9DsTAs2hctY_X4jx49Q_8XRmp1w4I8bYrQFcmkzF7albJd170SSnUltMrWkDV_sR-7bnjdF87QsELj4ZxQ7PpZY73oXojktqRlyg9tGQXeVP2QqR1pJQhajTnIy5B7y-e1rkfqzGiEE/s1600/Photo+on+20-09-2014+at+12.40+am+%232.jpg" height="213" width="320" /></a></div>
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<span style="letter-spacing: 0px;"><span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;">everyday you waste</span></span><br />
<span style="letter-spacing: 0px;"><span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;">is a day of rest for the gods</span></span><br />
<span style="letter-spacing: 0px;"><span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;">every wo</span></span><span style="font-family: 'Courier New', Courier, monospace; letter-spacing: 0px;">rd i write</span><br />
<span style="letter-spacing: 0px;"><span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;">from now on in</span></span><br />
<span style="letter-spacing: 0px;"><span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;">will one day be read</span></span><br />
<span style="letter-spacing: 0px;"><span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;">by my baby daughter</span></span><br />
<span style="letter-spacing: 0px;"><span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;">what is my life now,</span></span><br />
<span style="letter-spacing: 0px;"><span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;">what are my thoughts now,</span></span><br />
<span style="letter-spacing: 0px;"><span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;">after hours?</span></span><br />
<span style="letter-spacing: 0px;"><span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;">it is to find the perfect song</span></span><br />
<span style="letter-spacing: 0px;"><span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;">for each and everyone i know</span></span><br />
<span style="letter-spacing: 0px;"><span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;">sleep all day</span></span><br />
<span style="letter-spacing: 0px;"><span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;">drink all night</span></span><br />
<span style="letter-spacing: 0px;"><span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;">and feel good</span></span><br />
<span style="letter-spacing: 0px;"><span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;">and dont worry</span></span><br />
<span style="letter-spacing: 0px;"><span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;">and be happy</span></span><br />
<span style="font-family: 'Courier New', Courier, monospace; letter-spacing: 0px;">- it’s easy</span><br />
<span style="letter-spacing: 0px;"><span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;">everyday you waste</span></span><br />
<span style="letter-spacing: 0px;"><span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;">is another easy day at work</span></span><br />
<span style="letter-spacing: 0px;"><span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;">for the check-out chick</span></span><br />
<span style="letter-spacing: 0px;"><span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;">the bar tender</span></span><br />
<span style="letter-spacing: 0px;"><span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;">the police officer</span></span><br />
<span style="letter-spacing: 0px;"><span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;">the bus driver</span></span><br />
<span style="letter-spacing: 0px;"><span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;">the tram driver</span></span><br />
<span style="letter-spacing: 0px;"><span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;">the doctor</span></span><br />
<span style="letter-spacing: 0px;"><span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;">the chain music store attendant</span></span><br />
<span style="letter-spacing: 0px;"><span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;">the librarians</span></span><br />
<span style="letter-spacing: 0px;"><span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;">the dudes at the bottle shop</span></span><br />
<span style="letter-spacing: 0px;"><span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;">the butchers</span></span><br />
<span style="letter-spacing: 0px;"><span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;">and girls at the cafe</span></span><br />
<span style="letter-spacing: 0px;"><span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;">but a wasted day</span></span><br />
<span style="letter-spacing: 0px;"><span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;">is a hard day</span></span><br />
<span style="letter-spacing: 0px;"><span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;">for the poets</span></span><br />
<span style="letter-spacing: 0px;"><span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;">the musos</span></span><br />
<span style="letter-spacing: 0px;"><span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;">the pizza delivery boys</span></span><br />
<span style="letter-spacing: 0px;"><span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;">the posties</span></span><br />
<span style="letter-spacing: 0px;"><span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;">the remaining few video store guys</span></span><br />
<span style="letter-spacing: 0px;"><span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;">the best friend you havent seen in ages but decide to call</span></span><br />
<span style="letter-spacing: 0px;"><span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;">the girls at the bottle-shop</span></span><br />
<span style="letter-spacing: 0px;"><span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;">i walk and wonder until i find myself</span></span><br />
<span style="letter-spacing: 0px;"><span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;">at home again</span></span><br />
<span style="letter-spacing: 0px;"><span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;">i eat a meal</span></span><br />
<span style="letter-spacing: 0px;"><span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;">it’s warm</span></span><br />
<span style="letter-spacing: 0px;"><span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;">it’s soup</span></span><br />
<span style="letter-spacing: 0px;"><span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;">i sleep</span></span><br />
<span style="letter-spacing: 0px;"><span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;">and wake up</span></span><br />
<span style="letter-spacing: 0px;"><span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;">i read</span></span><br />
<span style="letter-spacing: 0px;"><span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;">and i sleep again</span></span><br />
<span style="letter-spacing: 0px;"><span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;">when i wake up</span></span><br />
<span style="letter-spacing: 0px;"><span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;">i ask myself</span></span><br />
<span style="letter-spacing: 0px;"><span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;">when did such uncool things become so cool?</span></span><br />
<span style="letter-spacing: 0px;"><span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;">but i just shake my head</span></span><br />
<span style="letter-spacing: 0px;"><span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;">and turn to the old-timer sitting next to me</span></span><br />
<span style="letter-spacing: 0px;"><span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;">i nod, and take a sip of my beer</span></span><br />
<span style="letter-spacing: 0px;"><span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;">and endure the ccr playing through this shitty bar</span></span><br />
<span style="letter-spacing: 0px;"><span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;">but it’s okay</span></span><br />
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<span style="letter-spacing: 0px;"><span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;">at five years old, she stands before a waterfall - the cliffs, high - the rocks, jagged - moss, everywhere - she stands in gumboots, red - they have spots, pink - gasing forth, he sees some water fall over it’s edge - a piece of water, she contemplates - a unit - how liquid morphs, and how it’s nothing without the other - it falls in slow motion, as she follows it down to the most cruel of crashes - a continuing splash of violence - her father calls her, and she turns around - her frame of thought dissipating as she does so - skipping playfully towards him, rain begins to fall - one drop falls sweetly on her lips as she giggles uncontrollably</span></span><br />
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<span style="letter-spacing: 0px;"><span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;">she sits with a perfect posture - the type school boys see in those kinda-hot-type school teachers - she wore black, and that’s not to be mistaken with wearing it - her lips smacked with red lipstick, but she was the type to pull it off - and she read in peace, and turned a page in a way only the girls next door could - opposite her sat her boyfriend - he sits with his elbows on his knees - his forearms are muscular, biceps too - but his fists push into his cheeks and mush up his face, which has all but given up with boredom - she turns another page, and his t-shirt reads “travisty”</span></span><br />
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<span style="letter-spacing: 0px;"><span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;">the trees bend with the breath of a city - he finds another way to try and break up with her - you’re too much like my sister, he says - it’s okay, she says - i dont mind, she says - the city cops some rain, and everyone does their best to avoid it - the conversations bring it on down, like a piece of mind forever forgotten</span></span><br />
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<span style="letter-spacing: 0px;"><span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;">messy bushland, the bark rots and seeps into his jeans - the sweat on his back trickles down his spine slowly - he hasn’t spoken in four months - but looking at the might dying in the tree before him, he whispers a low mumbled, fuck - he wipes the blood from his lip, not disliking the taste - it reminds him of the institute - the tournament - the loss - a bird calls in the distance, and he raises his head in it’s direction - as a tear falls down his cheek, he slowly, but surely, begins to urinate in his jeans - an unholy warmth follows a necessary sadness, somewhere behind the sunset</span></span><br />
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<span style="letter-spacing: 0px;"><span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;">behind the cafe he squats - with a turn and a switch he takes the photo - her breasts are real - she takes a seat and orders the chicken salad, after questioning her diet, her weight, and her relationship with her father - sipping on the cool water poured from a stripped down bottle of red, she toys with her phone - one long scroll of insecurities and falsehoods - the scent of cigarette smoke taints the air from the table behind her - another passing thought forgets to stop at the point in question</span></span><br />
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<span style="font-family: 'Courier New', Courier, monospace; letter-spacing: 0px;">he took bad poetry and make it almost - he didn’t rhyme, but his name was similar - do or dont, he couldn't care less - he could see smiles - he could hear frowns - everyone felt sad - the guilty sun floated around and spun like handsfree hipster space junk</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: 'Courier New', Courier, monospace; letter-spacing: 0px;">i hear the sun - i feel the moon</span></div>
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simonlawlorandtherealisationhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11795228144653637367noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5157525040677815488.post-55154112960806895452014-08-01T19:09:00.003-07:002014-08-01T19:10:42.006-07:00Art Intimidating Life - The Ruins of my Mental Empire: Part One Hundred and Seven<span style="letter-spacing: 0px;"><span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;">there is no greater high than inspiration</span></span><br />
<span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px;"><span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;">there is no greater person than the artist</span></span><br />
<span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px;"><span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;">the artist must be quiet</span></span><br />
<span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px;"><span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;">the artist mustn’t require attention</span></span><br />
<span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px;"><span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;">recognition must be shunned</span></span><br />
<span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px;"><span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;">the psychedelic arts are the only true arts</span></span><br />
<span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px;"><span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;">the hippies are saints</span></span><br />
<span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px;"><span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;">and the loners are gods</span></span><br />
<span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px;"><span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;">the outsiders smoked and drank</span></span><br />
<span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px;"><span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;">as the big bang</span></span><br />
<span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px;"><span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;">banged</span></span><br />
<span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px;"><span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;">behind their backs</span></span><br />
<span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px;"><span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;">this party requires double-denim</span></span><br />
<span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px;"><span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;">this party grooves on smooth</span></span><br />
<span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px;"><span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;">the girl of your dreams</span></span><br />
<span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px;"><span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;">the man in your nightmares</span></span><br />
<span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px;"><span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;">yeah… i saw them hallucinating in the back room</span></span><br />
<span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px;"><span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;">whose cowboy hat is this?</span></span><br />
<span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px;"><span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;">it’s bin-night every night</span></span><br />
<span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px;"><span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;">there is no daytime</span></span><br />
<span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px;"><span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;">the universe is one eternal night</span></span><br />
<span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px;"><span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;">interrupted by the occasional flash</span></span><br />
<span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px;"><span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;">francis leach gave me a dirty look for drinking a beer as i walked down swan street richmond</span></span><br />
<span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px;"><span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;">heaven was yesterday</span></span><br />
<span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px;"><span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;">heaven was tomorrow</span></span><br />
<span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px;"><span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;">talking our way through the second course</span></span><br />
<span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px;"><span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;">laughing our way past another fatal car accident</span></span><br />
<span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px;"><span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;">the dead have no reason to hide</span></span><br />
<span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px;"><span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;">the dead have no shame</span></span><br />
<span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px;"><span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;">the dead are deeply in love</span></span><br />
<span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px;"><span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;">leave your umbrella at the door</span></span><br />
<span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px;"><span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;">this rain is water</span></span><br />
<span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px;"><span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;">it falls from great heights</span></span><br />
<span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px;"><span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;">splish-splash</span></span><br />
<span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px;"><span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;">his friends gather around him</span></span><br />
<span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px;"><span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;">like empty beer cans</span></span><br />
<span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px;"><span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;">crushed and hollow</span></span><br />
<span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px;"><span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;">he’s drunk - she’s holy</span></span><br />
<span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px;"><span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;">he turns up when he wants</span></span><br />
<span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px;"><span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;">like an empty beer-can</span></span><br />
<span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px;"><span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;">he plays his guitar when he wants</span></span><br />
<span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px;"><span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;">just like god, and she listens</span></span><br />
<span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px;"><span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;">like mother nature</span></span><br />
<span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px;"><span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;">her open ears and open mind</span></span><br />
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<span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px;"><span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;">on xmas day i cracked the shits because i found myself in the eastern peninsula traffic, and i should’ve known better - we’re better than this, i said, side glancing out the passengers side window - i drank beer in the passenger seat and sulked in silence as the most resilient and perfect and strong and admirable lady-elle did her best to cheer me up from my needless misery - you am i music played on the car stero, which bought both solace and torment - we’re better than this i stressed to lady-elle, texting my mother to let her know we’d be late - the traffic cleared up within two minutes and we arrived on time - my xmas present to my mother that year was a photo framed picture of the baby in lady-elle’s tummy - “what the fuck is this weird arty photo simon has given me for xmas?” switched “…oh my god” - i knew it was real from then on - she was the first to know and from then on i was on a slow humming buzz, as if i knew something the world didn’t know</span></span><br />
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<span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px;"><span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;">when i was a kid i wanted to be a writer - when i was a kid i also wanted to be an astronaut - as a thirty-two year old man, i write and spend my time looking to the skies and listening to space rock music - though deep down i think i want to be a conductor - they dig music - they dig music hard - i think id be good at it - im slim enough, and i have long hair - and i’ve been training since i was nine - music is a serious and hard drug for me - no one takes me seriously when i say that - but it will seriously blow your mind if you knew how much of an affect music has on my body, mind, soul, spirit, life, being, happiness, sadness, love, vision, perceptions, sensations, emotions, relationships, behaviours, thoughts, demeanour, appearance, friends and loved ones - i walk the streets at night, naturally high, holy and dangerous while you sleep - somewhere between a perfect circle</span></span><br />
<span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px;"><span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;">it’s no secret my brother gave me aufheben on vinyl for xmas before i even have a record player - what isn’t known until now is that it was a twelve dollar second/third/fourth hand copy of heyday by the church that made me realise and understand that buying records was no trouble, and fucking rewarding - i looked at the front cover of heyday on a cold sunny morning, still sleepy and it shocked me - the eyes of steve kilbey on that album cover held me for at least an hour - it was an image i recalled from my childhood - yes, somewhere, sometime, my cousin was involved im sure, and it was an album i bought with loose change and didn’t really pay much attention to for a long time - kilbey’s eyes on that record cover, and his mona-steve smile, smoked by childhood memories and a distance between this music and it’s cosmic source, and the song tantalised, swayed my limbs and their instincts into an impossible composition - my mind remained the same as it always was</span></span><br />
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<span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px;"><span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;">the best people are record store people</span></span><br />
<span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px;"><span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;">honest, pure, simple, passionate, hairy</span></span><br />
<span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px;"><span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;">they understand a world of peace</span></span><br />
<span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px;"><span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;">love, art, understanding, friendship</span></span><br />
<span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px;"><span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;">ecstasy, smoke and booze</span></span><br />
<span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px;"><span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;">and for record-store people all these things are daily life</span></span><br />
<span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px;"><span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;">non-record store people look at them, at us, and laugh</span></span><br />
<span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px;"><span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;">its just that it takes them so much longer to register</span></span><br />
<span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px;"><span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;">and before too long</span></span><br />
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<span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px;"><span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;">when i saw acid mother’s temple at austin psych fest, i experienced the most amazing, the most psychedelic, and the most euphoric moment of my entire life - movements like grand and holy ancient wizards, before you very hazed and lazy eyes - at first we sat - next we moved our heads up and down - a confirmation of a simple, and communal, yes - i gasped, and our movements became deeper - the eternal ‘one’ was rising on the horizon like a perfect dusk in reverse - our movements caused us to stand, and we popped up and opened like sunflowers, yet every one completely unique, a different colour, and facing our own individual sun - hips, shoulders and souls grooving like spiritual-group-sex - the music soared, a relentless kamikaze mission to heaven - i felt the need to scream, and i saw someone by my side doing just that - just facing the stars and simply screaming, giving his soul a universal voice - their drums and screams and guitars were lit on fire - my chest heaved, chanting yes, yes, yes, yes… - i knew all well i was to be the father of a baby girl - i being the only one on earth who knew - i was alone, high and holy, surrounded by a fog of brothers and sisters, who didn’t care, and knew exactly what to do - i’ve never felt like that before, i said to the man next to be after the show finished, staggering as if i’d returned from the most beautiful, pleasurable abductions - i know, i know he said - pink lady lemonade, pink lady lemonade, pink lady lemonade….</span></span><br />
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<span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px;"><span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;">it was soon before i moved out of northcote that i was taking a piss in the northcote social club - it was a weekend or something, and i was alone, and i was down there having a beer for the sake of it and you never know who you’re going to remind someone of - i was there at the bar alone, and by this time im trying to look hard done by and dark and mysterious and troubled, and by this time i start to wonder if i am no longer pretending, and if i am now actually all of those things - it’s late and i was getting into died pretty around this stage and man, they powered my little unit in northcote in those days - so i get up to take a piss, leaving my jacket on my seat, in more of a mess than i was - in the mens i straddle up to the urinal alone and start to piss - at every urinal i go to i read the graffiti and piss-wall-scribblings and everytime i see some hand-writing that i swear must be my brother’s - i scan the gig guide and before too long im not alone - i hear the laughter of the happy groups of friends outside - and they’re too perfect, even for this - he is in tight jeans and making a mockery of sneakers i was forced to wear against my will as a kid - the same goes for his jumper - a wildly colourful and ill-fitting woollen number that looks ridiculous - his beard looked stranger and more unkept than mine, despite the fact i hadn't shaved in weeks due to laziness and beer and a learned addiction to relaxation - his glasses were black and bold and made nerds cool without being nerds at all - his beanie robbed the soul the last remaining true football fans allowed in the ground these days - everything came to this point and i turned to him and said…</span></span><br />
<span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px;"><span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;">…hows that working out for you?</span></span><br />
<span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px;"><span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;">what do you mean? he said</span></span><br />
<span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px;"><span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;">that bullshit-look your going for, i replied</span></span><br />
<span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px;"><span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;">he kept his silence, in that way people do when they’re getting sledged unnecessarily by a drunken dickhead</span></span><br />
<span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px;"><span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;">it ended there, and i walked back to my seat at the bar, skulled (sic) the rest of my pint, picked up my jacket, made sure my ipod and notebook were still in the interior pocket, and headed up high street back to my unit, after saying a “thanks mate” to the dude at the door only because i want to be one of the good guys, despite realising i was behaving completely against any sense of coolness i think i possess - i wish i could’ve let him be - i wish i hadn’t let it bother me - i wish we pissed in silence, reading the gig guide or the anal jokes scribbled on the men’s room wall while a beautiful autumnal acoustic song sung in my head amongst the tantalised stars and mellow foggy willow trees - but we didn’t, thanks to me - i gave him a hard time and i hated myself for it - it wasn’t me, and it was unnecessary - i felt like i was battling tourists in a place i loved to live, and i knew i was a fighter, and i knew i fought hard and kept it creative, but i knew i was losing, and a loser amongst the hip</span></span><br />
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<span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px;"><span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;">echoes from the empty milk bottles</span></span><br />
<span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px;"><span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;">she failed to run tonight</span></span><br />
<span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px;"><span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;">but her lungs scream hollow</span></span><br />
<span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px;"><span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;">the dirty dishes, the overflowing bins</span></span><br />
<span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px;"><span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;">and the recycling bin is nothing but beer bottles</span></span><br />
<span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px;"><span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;">he sips on another - his team is losing</span></span><br />
<span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px;"><span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;">how he is going to balance another one</span></span><br />
<span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px;"><span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;">on that pile of bottles?</span></span><br />
<span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px;"><span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;">how will his team get up,</span></span><br />
<span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px;"><span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;">from twenty-six down,</span></span><br />
<span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px;"><span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;">three-quarters into the forth?</span></span><br />
<span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px;"><span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;">it doesn't matter -</span></span><br />
<span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px;"><span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;">the hunter falls sleepy</span></span><br />
<span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px;"><span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;">too much to eat</span></span><br />
<span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px;"><span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;">waking up hungry</span></span><br />
<span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px;"><span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;">too much to eat</span></span><br />
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<span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px;"><span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;">hamilton island was lady-elle’s idea, and before i knew it i was in shorts and members of staff were treating me like middle-class royalty - i found a pool-side bar to get drunk at, as rugby-guys splished and splashed, flirting with the last fifteen minutes of the bar-girls shift - the dudes worked during happy-hour - i watched the storms move in - i was able to find some bush tracks and took lady-elle to a secluded beach that was ours and the kookaburras - she rationed out her muffins, i made sure we had enough water to walk home safely</span></span><br />
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<span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px;"><span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;">my trip to new zealand, the farm outside of mangonui, was beautiful and ridiculous - i can’t even recall how or why or how i managed that one - so simple - so beautiful - my god - books and the sun and the shade it creates, and the cool breezes and having absolutely nothing to do - i spent so much time inside my head - day after day after day in silence - in thought - it amazes me, looking back on it now, how given the right circumstances and situation, the simple passing of time can be intensely pleasurable - so much so, it erases everything else, and nothing matters</span></span><br />
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<span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px;"><span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;">at first sight</span></span><br />
<span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px;"><span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;">you’re safe and warm</span></span><br />
<span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px;"><span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;">life stripped down</span></span><br />
<span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px;"><span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;">before your eyes</span></span><br />
<span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px;"><span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;">a lazy lap dance</span></span><br />
<span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px;"><span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;">a cheeky kiss on your lips</span></span><br />
<span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px;"><span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;">your feet, cold</span></span><br />
<span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px;"><span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;">your head, burning</span></span><br />
<span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px;"><span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;">it’s raining outside</span></span><br />
<span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px;"><span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;">and it couldn’t possibly get any darker</span></span><br />
<span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px;"><span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;">and you couldn’t possibly get any more drunk</span></span><br />
<span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px;"><span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;">so you head in for a drink</span></span><br />
<span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px;"><span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;">someplace quiet</span></span><br />
<span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px;"><span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;">it sounds like the angels are tired</span></span><br />
<span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px;"><span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;">your head, it’s thoughts, and tex perkins</span></span><br />
<span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px;"><span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;">you scan the bar</span></span><br />
<span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px;"><span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;">only saints, sinners and drunks</span></span><br />
<span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px;"><span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;">nice, lonely people</span></span><br />
<span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px;"><span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;">succumbing to their lives</span></span><br />
<span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px;"><span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;">the hard way</span></span><br />
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<span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px;"><span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;">it’s a clear day - the horizon still fades with fog, with each step - trees fall and make a sound - trees fall and make the sound of one hand clapping - a young girl walks amongst them - eyes like leaves, the highest green leaves - feet moving like mud - the soup of soggy twigs and water-logged strips of bark path no direction underfoot - in her pocket is a small note-book - the first twenty pages are scribbled with impromptu poetry - the last few pages tagged with a phone number and a receipt reference number - she is unemployed and very attractive - her jeans, simple - her jacket, old - she breaths morning air, smelling the earth, remaining intoxicated - from time to time she sits - a large rock - a patch of grass - a fallen branch - and she ponders the thought of mother nature losing her virginity to an act of violent rape</span></span><br />
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simonlawlorandtherealisationhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11795228144653637367noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5157525040677815488.post-66670087588460706502014-07-11T18:57:00.001-07:002014-07-11T18:57:07.182-07:00Art Intimidating Life - The Ruins of my Mental Empire: Part One Hundred and Six<div style="font-family: Helvetica;">
<span style="letter-spacing: 0px;">wednesday - you’ve made a hand-written list, on a scrap piece of paper, of five nina simone albums to buy - four out of five are ticked off in red pen - you leave this list on a train for someone else to see and read</span></div>
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<span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px;">friday - a headful of music, and a mindful of words - a familiar bar completely empty, playing familiar music while you wait for your friends to show up sometime after expected - talking about the times none of you thought would come, and realising that your living them while someone always buys you another</span></div>
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<span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px;">tuesday - scanning the sessions - you’ve found a movie you don’t really want to see, but it’s good enough and it'll do, and it’s in 3D, so that’s something else - you’re alone in the cinema and you drink two beers - afterwards you dodge and weave the concrete pillars of the underground carpark on your bike, speeding like a madman and using up all that strange energy, before taking the long way home, past all those silent, dark houses</span></div>
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<span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px;">saturday - you walk around the lounge-room and the hallways, trying to warm yourself and the house up - you look out the window into the wet green overgrown garden - you go to the local football and it smells of beer and urine - the gateway to manhood - it’s the only time all week, these two and a half hours, that these angry, passionate and aggressive men don’t think about tits and arse - they take it all so seriously and most will never comprehend the absurdity of it all</span></div>
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<span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px;">monday - it’s either raining or complaining - you just hope to god that the book you’re reading is compelling enough to get you through to lunch</span></div>
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<span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px;">thursday - the echoing grunts, yells and screams of the local footy team training under bright lights, the only bright lights, on a field of violent green grass, that seems to glow like alien vomit - passers by in big black coats walk home thinking of soup</span></div>
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<span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px;">sunday - the rolls of plastic covered newspapers that are still on the footpaths at this time of day signal all the houses that are harbouring hangovers - some of them are sunday’s newspapers, some of them saturday’s as well - and it’s those households that have gone hard - or maybe their football team has lost </span></div>
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simonlawlorandtherealisationhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11795228144653637367noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5157525040677815488.post-44689087365641915242014-05-17T00:25:00.001-07:002014-05-17T00:25:35.737-07:00Art Intimidating Life - The Ruins of my Mental Empire: Part One Hundred and Five<span style="letter-spacing: 0px;"><span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;">i squeeze out of the booth - my arse almost brushing some bird’s focaccia- sorry sweetheart, it’s time for me to go - i let a middle aged woman walk on by, and i signal to the waitress behind her, someone’s daughter, to walk on by also - i can wait - i got no rush to bother me - she had a stack of plates in her arms, and a couple of half-complete breakfasts - those blueberry pancakes are filling man! — this cafe is crowded - the leaves are gold and orange and brown, and somewhere someone is stoking the fireplace - as i make my way to the door to take it outside, a little old lady notices my t-shirt and says “you’re not a bad-seed, you’re a gentleman” - thanks toots - someone out there finally gets me</span></span><br />
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<span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px;"><span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;">this is the suburbs, and im a man of the streets - to know the streets in this city, in melbourne, you have to know the suburbs - this aint no new york attention span - this aint no cobbled laneway of prague - this is melbourne baby, and in melbourne the suburbs are king - the suburbs know the truth - boredom, tedium, repetition and routine - this saturday’s number one priority is groceries - chicken breasts on sale, orange juice and bar-be-que shapes - im talking about dave graney - im talking about the footy - it’s overcast and eighteen degrees and it’s quarter to four in the afternoon - welcome to melbourne</span></span><br />
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<span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px;"><span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;">the best way to fully appreciate the suburbs, to full appreciate melbourne, is to hit the cinemas - check out some flicks - i go on week-nights exclusively, and i go alone mostly - a couple of stubbies of beer, nothing fancy and when they ask where i’d like to sit, i answer - away from everyone else - this usually generates a sly smile and a nod - i say thanks brother, and point to his chest - in the cinema, i’m alone - i read a couple of pages of the book my mother gave me for xmas in the dull red hum of pre-movie-cinema-lighting - eventually a coka-cola commercial portrays how much fun and freedom summer road-trips to the beach are when you’re naive - i dig the previews, and could watch two hours of them if they let me - just play them all - the movie is good, though being the only, and one and only, person in the cinema is a little distracting - i finally did it - a late night session at a suburban cinema on a tuesday night for a film that’s a little odd and been out for a month or so already - that’s all it took to get myself alone - twenty minutes in a young girl does the rounds and walks into the cinema with a torch, stands in the corner for twenty seconds, and walks out - just making sure im behaving myself - i feel like i should say hi, or wave, or something - but instead we both share the absurdity of the situation in our minds, and that’s enough for me</span></span><br />
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<span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px;"><span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;">to truly understand and experience freedom, ride your bike late at night, a tuesday night, listening to some real nice music - ride your bike to your local suburban shopping centre and cruise alone down to the underground carpark - the smooth cool concrete - the fluorescent lights flick by in a steady beat and pattern as you glide on and weave through the thick pillars holding the whole set-up in place - you speed up and you slow down - it feels like this place goes on forever, and that you can move around it with such ease - it’s a smooth ride, and you’re flying man - that’s freedom - that’s living your life - that’s happiness - you’ve got nothing to do</span></span><br />
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<span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px;"><span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;">i saw a man in an alley way - i stopped and watched him walk - simple cheap jeans - fleecy jumper - runners — it hit me pretty hard, that he was a person just as much as i am - he had a childhood, he had parents - he sleeps and eats and likes certain things and doesn’t like certain things - he has a sexual preference, or he doesn’t have one at all, or he is a sexual deviant - a fiend - he has a face that is completely unique and never seen before - he has a voice that is his own - he has a thought process, and his brain is processing his perceptions, right at this very moment - he has dreams, and his nightmares are fucking weird - he has a death, and i wonder how and when he will die - i wonder if he is afraid - i wonder how much money he has - i wonder if he has a sister, and i wonder if she’s good looking - i wonder where he is going, and how it came about that he is walking down this alley-way - i later find myself at home, sitting in a room in silence, staring blanking into a void, and i wonder what he is doing at this very moment</span></span><br />
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<span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px;"><span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;">what am i doing?</span></span><br />
<span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px;"><span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;">what are you doing?</span></span><br />
<span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px;"><span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;">another second</span></span><br />
<span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px;"><span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;">minute</span></span><br />
<span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px;"><span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;">hour passes by</span></span><br />
<span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px;"><span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;">will this be the memory </span></span><br />
<span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px;"><span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;">i take with me to death?</span></span><br />
<span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px;"><span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;">will this be remembered?</span></span><br />
<span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px;"><span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;">how much of my life will be remembered?</span></span><br />
<span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px;"><span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;">how much of my life makes a difference?</span></span><br />
<span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px;"><span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;">can i just cut the rest of it out, and just live the bits and pieces that actually mean something?</span></span><br />
<span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px;"><span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;">just live the parts that will be remembered</span></span><br />
<span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px;"><span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;">where do all the forgotten moments go?</span></span><br />
<span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px;"><span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;">where do they end up, and who remembers them?</span></span><br />
<span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px;"><span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;">anyone?</span></span><br />
<span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px;"><span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;">if everything changes everything</span></span><br />
<span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px;"><span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;">i wonder how much of an affect this will have on people</span></span><br />
<span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px;"><span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;">am i changing the world, simply by living within it?</span></span><br />
<span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px;"><span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;">if i lock myself up in a room</span></span><br />
<span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px;"><span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;">with no windows</span></span><br />
<span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px;"><span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;">and do nothing inside</span></span><br />
<span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px;"><span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;">am i still a part of existence?</span></span><br />
<span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px;"><span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;">does the existence of the room change everything still?</span></span><br />
<span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px;"><span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;">who is that at the door?</span></span><br />
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simonlawlorandtherealisationhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11795228144653637367noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5157525040677815488.post-9640519572651798312014-04-25T20:17:00.001-07:002014-04-25T20:29:17.412-07:00Art Intimidating Life - The Ruins of my Mental Empire: Part One Hundred and Four<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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<span style="letter-spacing: 0px;">love is the warmth you feel coming from the light at the end of the tunnel - ten am beers, along with breakfast, at the airport-bar - the girls behind the bar being so damn polite - sure, why not? - theres nothing wrong with having a beer at ten am - i dont really care anyway - none needs to tell me its ok</span></div>
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<span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px;">the air of nervous anticipation, of sacred spiritual journeys taken solo to find and/or forget yourself, is all spoilt and ruined by hordes of fucking huge families - children running and screaming, taking over the place - mothers confused and bewildered as to why they aren’t allowed to bring a bottle of tomato sauce onto their flight in their carry on luggage - why the officials are asking about the stapler in her handbag - what sort of trip are these people taking?</span></div>
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<span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px;">my flight is delayed by around 3 hours - i cruise the scene - my steel cap boots making the executive clip clip footsteps on the futuristic tiled floors of the hallways that just go on forever - moving walkways and elevators, give people a break from walking for another fifteen meters - the bookshops are decent - i almost buy an iggy pop biography, and scan through a book written about josef fritzel - the bookshops in hell aren’t this expensive - i think about how easy it looks to shoplift in these airport shops - i could easily steal this biography on iggy pop or josef fritzel, but i’ll never be able to get a bottle of tomato sauce past them</span></div>
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<span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px;">behind me sits an air malaysia plane - i look at it an imagine it disappearing without a trace forever, and a world left behind never to know what happened to it - it’s massive - they can lose a whole fucking plane, with three hundred people on board, but what’s this about a stapler?</span></div>
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<span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px;">im a little surprised spontaneous orgies arent a common occurrence at airport terminals - a lot of people just sitting around with nothing to do - half of them drunk or tipsy - alone and lonely - bored of the book they’re reading - telling themselves never to listen to that work colleague again when it comes to book recommendations - are people really happy enough wasting time on their phones? - what the fuck are these people doing? - anyway, im tipsy, alone but not lonely - and im not bored of the book im reading - no one recommended this one to me (tracks, by robyn davidson) but im loving it - but if i wasn;t, look out people…</span></div>
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<span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px;">im going to new zealand - the girl behind the customs counter was pretty attractive, and she pulled off the seriousness of a customs officer really well - the prolonged look through my passport, the concerned look meant to make me feel that something might be wrong - to make me shoot my arms in the air and say i confess, you’ve got me! - i walk on through an buy a small bottle of scotch from duty free - it looks cool, and will feel good in my black jacket</span></div>
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<span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px;">the truth is i do feel a significant pang of guilt for leaving my pregnant wife home alone while i go on this trip - people will assume im a complete arsehole, and that’s okay, because lady-elle has my back - there is a world between the two of us that no-one will ever know or understand or visit - she’s cool, is the best way i can explain it to people - she was warm and sleepy as she said goodbye as i walked out the door</span></div>
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<span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px;">this isn’t the trip for lady-elle anyway - and she knows and admits that - what am i doing? why am i doing it? - it seems everyone knows but me - i like my own company - i like being alone - i like having the time and space to do and think what i want, without being questioned or asked to explain myself - its not that i dont like people, i just dont like they way they can;t accept each other - how they keep giving each other so much of a hard time demanding answers and explanations - how they need everyone to fit into what they see as the normal world, and normal way of life - so its one weird night in auckland before i take a 5 hour bus ride (enter bottle of scotch here) up to a small coastal town - popular in the holiday season - i imagine it to be quiet and somewhat dismal and depressing during the rest of the year (enter yours truly) - i have booked ten days in a small caravan on farm, ten kilometers out of town - with nothing to do but read, write, sleep, think, drink, walk, run and do whatever it want</span></div>
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<span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px;">it’s a great time to do it also - everyone seems to know now that im having a kid in a couple of months - crazy - i know the gender of the thing, and it blows my mind everyday - so yeah, i’ll get away and think about that a bit - think about my life so far, and my life ahead, and my life at every passing moment right now</span></div>
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<span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px;">i have found myself looking at peoples kids - studying them - the things they do, and i imagine my reactions to the childlike acts of my own - what am i going to say to it? - how am i going to treat it? - i am an extremely selfish person, with a chaotic yet lazy, relaxed mind - the kid will be the latest addition on a list people of this world of whom i care about what they think of me</span></div>
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<span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px;">i look forward to proving people wrong as well - everyone instantly thinks im going on this trip because this will be the last time i get a chance to travel, especially alone, which is what i love doing - no more holidays for you two, people tell lady-elle and i - bullshit - what is wrong with people? - how much joy do they get out of expecting the worst for the people around them? - get married - your life is over - have a kid - your life is over all over again - fuck that - i listen to a mere few people in this world, and those people know better, and they know me better - the rest have no idea - they’ll think im/we’re weird for doing things differently, but then tell us the same things that happened to them will happen to me/us - it doesn't make sense</span></div>
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<span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px;">i don’t know what im doing, and the truth is there isn't any reason for this trip - it’s just a desire to get away - to be alone - to live simply - to live slowly - to see, think, feel, and listen to some wild fucking psychedelic music - to read and take my time, and enjoy it - to write, and see what happens - it’s that simple - it’s a holy pure expedition, untainted by the outside world - fuelled on nothing other than my thoughts and the warmth i feel from the light at the end of the tunnel, that i walk down every single day</span></div>
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<span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px;">i found myself drifting in and out of an afternoon nap as we flew over the still and silent tasman, feeling guilty about the book i was enjoying so much - the air hostess had to shake my knee and wake me up, to tell me as i was sitting in the emergency row i had to put my bag away - everyone watched me as i did, which gave me to feeling i must have been sleeping deeply, and woken up with a start</span></div>
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<span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px;">the colours of auckand surprised me - a warm glow of gold and pink lit up the puffy white clouds as we drifted in from the sea - my hotel room was hot, muggy, and it kinda pissed me off that i had to take off my black jacket - i scoped the scene, and found it dark, and inked deeply with the monday evening blues that almost all cities in the world suffer - the late night asain restaurants and cafes lit up some of the main streets in patches - the rest of the chain fast food and fashion stores sat like shut down robots, waiting to be turned on again tomorrow to sell the same old shit to everyone</span></div>
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<span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px;">a friend had told me my hotel was near the place “where all the prostitutes hang out” - my research had done me wrong, as i was under the impression this was the happening part of town - turns out we were both right - i got something to eat and walked past a bar i should’ve gone to as opposed to the main street “tavern” that was cool enough, but hid it’s pokie machines behind a small barrier that looked more like a flimsy curtain off an op-shop fitting room</span></div>
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<span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px;">walking home with a small amount of supplies for my trip and a six pack of beer, i heard the distinct sound of a man in high heels approaching me from behind as i waited for the pedestrian lights to changed - wild curly blonde hair/waig done up in pig tails, and nothing more than a see-through set of lingerie were all he was wearing to go with the knee-high boot-heels - he walked through the red light and simply didn’t give a shit - as it turns out, we were walking in the same direction, so for my ten minute walk home, i had little more than his sexy arse to look at, and the comical scene of passers-by turning heads - the dudes outside the bar i wish i had been at instead gave him spit-ful of beer soaked abuse - might think twice about heading there after all</span></div>
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<span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px;">i woke up feeling good despite the fact i had spent the previous night not eating too much and drinking beer in my underpants on one of the two single beds in my room - the bus trip looked to be enjoyable - 5 or so hours north heading to a place i knew little about - i had a nice seat to myself and saw the beautiful green and lush and tropical landscapes of north island new zealand - i played dreamy music in my ears and felt at ease with no rush to be anywhere or do anything - i found myself drifting in and out of sleep once again - waking up and taking a second or two to remember where i was and what i was doing - a beautiful and strange sensation that i always enjoy whenever i’m blessed to experience it</span></div>
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<span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px;">the pre-trip bravado slowly burnt out, the closer i got to my destination - as little as i knew about where i was going, i knew the farm where my caravan and home for the next week and a bit would be, was around ten kilometres out of town - but i could tell by the roads and the highway we were speeding up didn’t have much room for pedestrians - i cringed a little every time i saw the bus or another car drive over the outside line of the highway</span></div>
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<span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px;">i crept up the ailse and asked the driver if it was okay to drop me off at the turn off to the farm, saving me around nine kilometres - thankfully he did, and i happily tramped my way through the farm country</span></div>
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<span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px;">after settling in as much as i could, and exploring all the little hidden nooks and cupboards and strange idiosyncrasies of my caravan, i set back out to see if i could possibly make it up the highway as i pedestrian - as i walked i knew all well that it was a bad idea - i could almost hear the thoughts of the drivers saying “…what the fuck?” as they sped towards me and roared passed at what must have been at least one hundred kilometres - even when i was allowed a quiet patch, the cows in the fields i walked by got spooked and all galloped away awkwardly, as though it was the first time they’d seen a pedestrian, and the first time they had to gallop - they obviously didn't mind the speeding cars and trucks that drove by day and night - but a pedestrian? - “what the fuck?”</span></div>
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<span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px;">my heart broke as perhaps four kilometers down the road i came to a bridge - kinda the second one i came to - but the first one i was able to cross in a scene that reminded me of the movie “stand by me” - there was only room enough for a car or for me - i found what i thought was a quiet patch and begun walking across the small twenty meter bridge - of course, as i stepped across the point of no return a car came speeding down, and i had to raise my hand in a way that said “thank you, i apologise,and yes, i know I'm an idiot”, all at once</span></div>
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<span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px;">but there was no crossing this bridge - no way - it was perhaps one hundreds meters long and im not that crazy - though my imagination did go there for a second, i never considered it - and so that was that - i had nothing to do but turn around and walk back home - no food - no wine - my new dandy warhols tshirt sweaty and dirty from having to walk alongside the bushes that lined the highway - i was heartbroken and felt stupid - i knew i was better than this, but i had let my experienced-traveller ego allow me become complacent, neglectful, and ill-prepared - i felt horrible.</span></div>
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<span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px;">walking back to the caravan, i just wanted to shower and not do anything - i didn’t care that i was beginning to starve - i felt more concerned about not having any wine or beer to be honest - however, upon arriving back to the caravan, i was welcomed home with a large tub of home-grown fruit and vegetables, home made bread and yogurt, milk, eggs, and water - the owners of the farm and caravan had left them for me - it was as if they knew, but it was obviously apart of the service i received for renting out their caravan - i cooked up some beans with a wealth of their delicious vegetables mixed in, and felt better - and lucky - and thankful</span></div>
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<span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px;">it seems to me the owners are like retired old hippies or something - they love, admire, and respect what im doing - they offered to drive me into town the next day, so i could buy what i wanted - they knew without a car i’d be unable to get down there - it was no trouble and we had a nice chat as the next day we flew fast down that highway, over the bridge, and on and on and on, until we finally made it to town - i bought some more food and got some beer and wine - probably should've gotten more, but im happy to ration it out - it will mean more time for books and writing anyway - i cooked up a nice meal of sausages, raw salad and some of the homemade mustard pickles that were in the tub- it was amazing - i ate on the small porch outside my caravan in the cool breeze and warm sun - i read all afternoon until i fell asleep - where was all this sleep hiding? </span></div>
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<span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px;">i want to write about so much, but ive come to the realisation that it’s best to wait - best to wait for the things i see and do and the feeling i float through and endure, can be filtered through a nostalgic memory its best to wait until this simple, silent lifestyle on the farm, in my caravan, is on the brink of being forgotten by the mess and clutter of city and suburban life - then these things i want to write about will be able to be explained, to some degree - right now, things simply are - and everything I'm seeing is beautiful, but you cant just write, everything is beautiful— i want to write about how flies come buzzing into my caravan every now and again, but only fly around for ten seconds or so before they fly out again, and how that gives me a little smile every time - i want to write about how every now and again, when i take a break and breather on my little porch, i see so many more insects flying and buzzing and doing it all with the excitement life in this very moment - i see that everything is always happening, and everything is alway new - i wake up at ten am and upon opening the curtains, i can see what the weather will be like that day - when you stay in the place for a few days, you begin to get a confident sense about these things - I'm already getting that wonderful blur one experiences by doing the same thing, and nothing much else, everyday, in the same place - I've been reading and writing, thinking and simply looking around - how can i convey to the reader that i am writing this with the country air flowing cool and golden as the sunsets just outside that window there in front of me?</span></div>
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<span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px;">my mind is very clear - the simple act of making my bed this morning gave me great satisfaction - i did the dishes and listened to some psyche-country music - i read outside on the porch as the insects buzzed around all the little fruit trees outside - but they minded their business, and i minded mine - i felt the cool shade on my face, as my stretched out legs warmed in the sun - my black jeans keeping me alive, man! - later in the afternoon, i read inside on the little couch, resting my book opened to my page on my thigh, as i dozed off for ten to fifteen minutes from time to time - the perfect way to fully appreciate a book</span></div>
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<span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px;">the clouds spend the day deciding what the evening sunset will look like - it’s completely up to them - i enjoy watching them prepare throughout the day, wondering what they’ll come up with - wondering what sunset they’ll put on show tonight - it’s something different every time - i don’t know what they’ll do, but it never fails to amaze me - lucky sun of a bitch - just moving on around, sun rising, and sun setting all over the world, all the time - no wonder the heart and soul are always striving for you to appreciate things like this, and to live and feel and be happy</span><br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhFvfuMKLgV_Uy_kOwl4fCY5t4sVtC4IwM1I1AGsVvS5tPUBTdlegDXuzxlijFArf3HuMoi9bJMcWxe-aBfBpD32LUbeQqc9R_7h1N5v1y6KPowmi_FjyJCVED-pdjSJxOSXdwwUpOUemzV/s1600/GOPR0098.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em; text-align: center;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhFvfuMKLgV_Uy_kOwl4fCY5t4sVtC4IwM1I1AGsVvS5tPUBTdlegDXuzxlijFArf3HuMoi9bJMcWxe-aBfBpD32LUbeQqc9R_7h1N5v1y6KPowmi_FjyJCVED-pdjSJxOSXdwwUpOUemzV/s1600/GOPR0098.JPG" height="240" width="320" /></a></div>
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<span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px;">a saturday afternoon nap is god’s way of saying thank you, i love you</span></div>
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<span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px;">love, marriage, kids, travel, reading books and music - all things things are just going to make death so much harder to accept.</span></div>
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<span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px;">when you;re alone</span></div>
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<span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px;">you kill flying night bugs</span></div>
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<span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px;">with whatever you have at hand</span></div>
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<span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px;">a beer bottle</span></div>
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<span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px;">a fork</span></div>
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<span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px;">a book of poetry by leonard cohen</span></div>
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<span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px;">when you’re alone</span></div>
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<span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px;">you eat dinner alone</span></div>
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<span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px;">in silence</span></div>
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<span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px;">the ding of fork against plate</span></div>
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<span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px;">rings loud like a bell</span></div>
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<span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px;">and you stare blankly into whatever is sitting in front of you</span></div>
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<span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px;">an empty couch</span></div>
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<span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px;">when you’re alone</span></div>
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<span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px;">there is nothing you really have to do</span></div>
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<span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px;">and no body cares,</span></div>
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<span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px;">but you find yourself thinking of everyone in your life</span></div>
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<span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px;">and you wonder about them</span></div>
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<span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px;">when you're alone</span></div>
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<span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px;">you sleep and wake up</span></div>
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<span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px;">better - </span></div>
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<span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px;">and you do these things alone</span></div>
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<span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px;">you read and read so much more</span></div>
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<span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px;">because nobody is there</span></div>
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<span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px;">and nobody is calling you</span></div>
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<span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px;">when you’re alone</span></div>
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<span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px;">you stand by the front door</span></div>
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<span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px;">and watch the bugs fly and buzz outside</span></div>
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<span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px;">and you notice them so much more</span></div>
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<span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px;">and you recognise them</span></div>
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<span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px;">no-one can see you simply sitting</span></div>
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<span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px;">in the quiet of night</span></div>
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<span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px;">doing nothing in the dark</span></div>
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<span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px;">when you;re alone</span></div>
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<span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px;">your mind is a poet</span></div>
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<span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px;">and everything is beautiful</span></div>
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<span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px;">emotions are simple</span></div>
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<span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px;">time is warped</span></div>
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<span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px;">and thoughts are clear</span></div>
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<span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px;">when you’re alone</span></div>
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<span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px;">you’re never alone</span></div>
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<span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px;">as you can finally fully comprehend</span></div>
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<span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px;">oneness</span></div>
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<span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px;">and how everything and everyone everywhere</span></div>
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<span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px;">is connected and one</span></div>
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<span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px;">movements and actions and thoughts</span></div>
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<span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px;">affecting everything everywhere all the time</span></div>
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<span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px;">our lives striving for the greater good</span></div>
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<span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px;">for the well being of the planet</span></div>
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<span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px;">and the universe</span></div>
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<span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px;">where we are alone</span></div>
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<span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px;">when i was about to get married, it was great to see everyone so happy for me, and for us - it really was a once in a life time chance to see everyone (vast majority anyway) really happy for you, and us both - however, immediately after the congratulations, you get the snide and and outdated jokes about how “you’re life is over now mate” - everyone tells you all the shit that’s about to tear your life apart, and how you’re never going to be able to live life the way you want to anymore - you’re not going to be able to do the things you love anymore - just because you're getting married</span></div>
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<span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px;">those people are making the mistake that just because they have seen one wedding and marriage take place, they’ve seen them all - and you really can’t blame them, because through the cliche and complete sham of romance (flowers, breakfast in bed, things guys do and things girls do) most relationships and marriage do become the same, and become the one thing - a marriage the marriage— as opposed to our relationship, our marriage</span></div>
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<span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px;">ive said it thousands of times im sure, but every relationship between two individuals must create an individual relationship - romance, and romantic things narrows this down so sharply, so unnaturally, that you’re relationship will very soon lose all individuality - you’ll lose why you fell for each other in the first place, because you’re now doing things that “a couple does” or “a married couple does” - that is the reason relationships fail - people lose their individuality - a marriage may bring two people together, but it doesn’t make one</span></div>
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<span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px;">for me, i got hoards of people telling me that id no longer be travelling alone anymore - since ive been married, i’ve been to oktoberfest (not alone, but without my wife), run a half marathon in romania, hiked through the ghostly forests of lithuania, spent weekends in one road country towns drinking and thinking, headed down to my beach house alone, and (now) spent two weeks in new zealand living in a caravan on a farm - alone, yet married.</span></div>
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<span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px;">without a doubt, i am thankful i married a person who understands this truth, and fact of life, as well</span></div>
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<span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px;">i am about to have a kid, and it’s started all over again - people are so happy and say congradutions and it’s a great experience seeing so many people so happy - but immediately after the i’m told how my life is over once again, and how im never going to be able to do the things i love anymore - and how this happens, and then this happens, but things get better after this happens - i smile and laugh it off - sometimes i feel as though I'm supposed to thank them for their wisdom - (some of these people have had kids, some of them don’t, but still feel they know what’s ahead for me)</span></div>
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<span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px;">and hell they may be right - this is my first kid and i don’t know whats going to happen - i don’t really care to be honest - and i dont care because i know I'm in a relationship with someone who knows me, and whom i know - we understand we’re individuals, and we cherish and protect our individual relationship from the outside world - it just gets tiresome having to defend whats seems as “werid” and “strange” - it’s not - it’s honest and true</span><br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjzQgolbvZn-NUZSLRDtXRMSqqsOYM3o24AQm3BhVz0EWRlR-dBSt0iO2iohffEaJCBOmlyQB5ALmOpiEptj7d8zTamDXX6UQLx7ldBoCI10WLI-HDzauMyCnINMQzARYwPtKOo-xINNzpz/s1600/G0020117.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjzQgolbvZn-NUZSLRDtXRMSqqsOYM3o24AQm3BhVz0EWRlR-dBSt0iO2iohffEaJCBOmlyQB5ALmOpiEptj7d8zTamDXX6UQLx7ldBoCI10WLI-HDzauMyCnINMQzARYwPtKOo-xINNzpz/s1600/G0020117.JPG" height="240" width="320" /></a></div>
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<span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px;">reading on the porch</span></div>
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<span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px;">in the morning shade</span></div>
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<span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px;">the sunlight moves slowly towards me</span></div>
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<span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px;">i make a promise to myself</span></div>
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<span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px;">by the time it hits my big toe</span></div>
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<span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px;">- lunch</span></div>
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<span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px;">sometimes people go to restaurants, despite having kitchens in their houses</span></div>
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<span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px;">sometimes people go to the cinemas, despite having a tv in their lounge room</span></div>
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<span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px;">sometimes people don’t mind walking in the rain, looking forward to a warm shower when they get home</span></div>
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<span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px;">sometimes people want to talk with you, not at you, for as long as required, and not until your get a phone call from someone else</span></div>
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<span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px;">sometimes doing nothing but sitting and staring out the window all day is the most productive thing you can possibly do</span></div>
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<span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px;">sometimes people don’t want to go to thailand for a holiday, but love going for a walk after lunch</span></div>
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<span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px;">sometimes people dont want to live close to the city, because they love trees and nature</span></div>
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<span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px;">sometimes people are happy to walk, despite being offered a lift in a car</span></div>
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<span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px;">sometimes people disagree with you, but they don't want to fight or argue</span></div>
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<span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px;">sometimes people love you, but they love being alone also</span></div>
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<span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px;">sometimes people just want to be warm, and dont share a passion for fashion or trend</span></div>
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<span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px;">sometimes people are just as happy eating an apple, as they are with a ten dollar salad</span></div>
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<span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px;">sometimes people dont care about money - and i mean, really dont care about money</span></div>
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<span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px;">sometimes people actually mean it, when they say “money isn’t everything”</span></div>
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<span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px;">sometimes people are just being friendly, and don’t want to have sex with you</span></div>
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<span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px;">sometimes people are happy for no reason at all</span></div>
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<span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px;">sometime people are sad for no reason at all</span></div>
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<span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px;">sometimes people are sad, and just need time, not people or things or words, to make them feel better</span></div>
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<span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px;">i remember as a kid, one of the biggest and best buzzes we could get would be checking the coin return slot in public telephones - perhaps once in ten checks would find a small amount of change - at most fifty cents i reckon - there was one, and probably one of the last, public phone boxes down near the beach, a short walk away from my families holiday house - we never used to have a phone in the house, and this was way before mobiles - so we’d often walk down there to make whatever phone calls we needed to make - and often just walk past it on an evening walk after dinner - my brothers and i would often race ahead to check the coin return slot first - all for the slight chance of finding a small amount of change - perhaps we’d take turns, i don't know - i don’t understand kids - but it was a brilliant feeling finding those coins - usually enough to buy some lollies or something - it meant so much, and amounted to so much - so now these days, i feel little guilty about always making sure to collect my change when ever I'm buying something - but don’t feel so bad when i lose money, when i lose cash - because someone is going to find it, and it’s going to give them a great buzz, and make them feel so good, and lucky.<span id="goog_667216346"></span><span id="goog_667216347"></span></span></div>
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<span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px;">today is my last full day here in the caravan - i leave early tomorrow morning - today started the same as every other day I've spent here - waking up naturally, when my body rose, and my awareness of this reality faded back into my consciousness - i felt good, as i had every morning - mostly thanks to having to ration out my booze supply to last me this long - i cant say it was easy, as many times i would've loved to have stayed all night drinking and reading and writing and listening to music - but i couldn’t, and it paid off for the best</span></div>
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<span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px;">i opened the curtains and saw yet another sunny, cool morning outside - i opened all the windows and let the day begin - i made breakfast, usually eggs and some fruit from the trees outside - i ate them on the porch and looked at the fields and paddocks and trees that surrounded me - cows mooed from time to time, and the insects started their buzz - id sit on the porch and read whatever book i was reading - by the time the sun hit my feet, i knew it was time for lunch - id prepare something and eat it on the porch listening to music that played from inside the caravan - richmond fontaine - the best of cosmic country - betty davis - wilco - mazzyz star - dave graneyy - i noticed the clouds moving around slowly - i saw the sun begin to reflect off the water down by the bay - just a small pocket of the wonderful farm land view i have from my caravan - the day was slowly preparing for the sunset</span></div>
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<span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px;">somedays id go for a run, or ride down to the beach - the place was desolate - a couple of fishermen, and a couple of old women going for their afternoon stroll - id swim in the warm still water of the bay and look around - whose dog is that?</span></div>
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<span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px;">back at the caravan, id shower in the outdoor shower, with homemade water heater using a gas cilinder - id read some more, by now the caravan glowing and warm with direct sunlight, an hour off sunset - id read in some shade, and look up from time to time, checking out the sunset - seeing what they came up with - its different every time, yet it always pulls the same emotion and mood every time - i love sun sets - i love the dusk</span></div>
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<span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px;">usually it would be tme for a beer or wine, but i have to ration them out and save them for later - i prepare some dinner, careful to keep some ventilation and windows and door open, but still trying not to let the bugs in, it being their twilight - a few get in but they dont bite or anything - just flying around, tantalised by the lamps - and eat it looking at the final stage of the sunset - purple, to blue, to black - i eat in silence, most of the time - my fork clanging against my plate the only sound in my silent little caravan</span></div>
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<span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px;">id drink my ration of booze for the night - reading poetry- writing - getting high on sad country music - id feel good about my day - high and holy -alone, i had done it - i had done everything i needed to, to survive another day - i nurtured my body, my soul and mind - i recognised and respected the might and beauty of the natural world around me - and i bettered myself, in some small way at least</span></div>
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<span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px;">id stay up late, late enough to find myself nodding off - id turn off the lamps, and lay down to sleep, easily.</span></div>
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<span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px;">here on my last day, i feel a sense of great satisfaction, and of sadness - i feel as though i have successfully done what i wanted to do here - which was nothing - read, write, live simply, think about things, go for a couple of runs, and maybe go for a swim - what i read were some great books, coincidently fitting to my situation - i wrote, yeah - i lived on simple yet healthy meals three times a day - the food came from the land i lived on, and the land in surrounding farms, and i could tell, and it made a difference through the connection and acceptance i feel with this place - i found myself sitting in silence doing nothing a couple of times a day - just sitting, being - sometimes listening, sometimes looking and watching, but not always - my runs and swims woke my body up, and experienced the physical world here</span></div>
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<span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px;">the sadness isn’t anything to be too concerned about - i just feel so good, it makes me sad - sometimes you can love and appreciate someone so much it makes you so sad, because they will never really know how much you appreciate them - never - i get like that after i enjoy myself - i have remembered so many things about myself here - i have reminded myself of the things i can do - i have uncluttered what i thought was a calm and relaxed mind, but how far off i was without even knowing - i know what calm is once again - i know what relaxed is once again - i can enjoy beer and wine again, ansi couldn't believe how much sleep was inside me, waiting to be had, waiting to be taken, waiting for it’s turn</span></div>
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<span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px;">im sad because i know this enlightenment wont last - already my pessimism/realism is coming back, i can sense it - my lifestyle isn’t the problem - it’s the people in the wide-world around me - i feel so sorry for them - i feel so sorry for them when they call me the werido - when they laugh at the things i do, and then when i listen to them talk about the things they talk about - it shocks me that they’re being serious - it shocks me that this is what they want</span></div>
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<span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px;">but today isn’t yet over - some more richmond fontaine, the last of my food, one more run, one more swim, hopefully finish this book im reading - no more booze, as the bus leaves and takes me back to auckland early tomorrow morning - it’s a really nice ride back down south - there i’ll sit in a bar and drink some beers and do some reading and writing - im feeling good, and i love everything i see - i love time and space and its warped sense of humour - i love this place and i love what it has taught me, and made me - ill try and remember that every time i see the sunset over the shoulders of the people i know and see</span></div>
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<span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px;">- it’s ok, but why never a butterfly?</span></div>
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<span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px;">silence in a field somewhere - </span></div>
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<span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px;">and just as im on the brink of enlightenment</span></div>
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<span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px;">enjoying the country air</span></div>
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<span style="letter-spacing: 0px;">and back in auckland - walking the hills - damn, how do people handle this day in and day out? - ive got my massive pack on my back, but im determined to get to the hotel quickly so i can check in, then check out the cool looking record store across the street - i drop my bag in my room, open the windows, change my tishirt, and hit the streets again - I'm floored by the record store - twice the size of a large super market, it just keeps going - real groovy - i take my time and browse the vinyl - eventually carrying a bundle in my arms heavy enough to ache my muscles by the time i get to the cds - half of the store is one massive uncategorised bargain bin! - you could spend weeks in there just browsing finding bargains - it’s too much, and im exhausted after my time there - i slam down one hundred and seventy bucks worth of goods and feel good about finding some amazing stuff at some amazing prices - i cruise on down the street (and hill) and find a generic little irish pub to sit and drink some beers</span><span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px;"></span></div>
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<span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px;">if it weren’t for my eight or nine days living holy in the caravan, and if it weren't for the one hundred and seventy bucks worth of vinyl in my tote bag, this place would have no soul - just another irish pub playing the pougues till they don’t want to drink anymore - i order a vegetarian pizza, and it’s smothered in cheese - i burn the roof of my mouth on it, and it’s a sign for the rest of my time in auckland - it tastes just about right</span></div>
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<span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px;">a friendly irish guys gets talking to me at the bar, and he’s pretty much just telling me how much he likes to drink - he tells me tonight it’s the “staff party” so i should expect a lot of drunk backpackers arriving any time soon -i think to myself, this is shit - these people don;t know how to drink, and they don;t know why to drink either - they dont know how to appreciate travel - what the fuck am i doing here? - i order another beer, determined to think it out</span></div>
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<span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px;">i sense a first date and young couple walk into the pub - they get asked for id and order their drinks next to me at the bar - the guy asks the girl, what kind of beer did you want? - she says she doesn't mind, so he orders two pints of larger, and announces that he’s pretty sure girls like larger - in any case he’s mum drinks it, he says - i order another beer and hope to watch this unfold - and I'm happy for the guy - she’s cute</span></div>
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<span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px;">i head back to the hotel - ive had my share and i like the idea of finishing up this nz trip with a 6 pack of beer in my room and some time and music, writing some haiku - im stuck with this guilt and knowledge that i have to get up at four-thirty the next morning to get to the airport - so i should really be getting some sleep, and shouldn’t be drinking too much - in the end my indecisions of what to do kinda spoils the night, and i end up sipping a few cold ones, wondering what i should do with myself</span></div>
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<span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px;">auckland at four-thirty in the morning is a dark and seedy affair - im propositioned by two transgender prostitutes, and several guys in cars are cruising the streets, hoping to get their attention - i have a 25min wait for my bus, and read my book, trying to keep to myself - I'm pretty sure one of them complimented me on my jacket</span></div>
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<span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px;">confused and sleep deprived i stumble through the airport and find my seat on the plane - i nod and jerk in and out of sleep, never fully sleeping, at least i don’t think so anyway - but know it’s enough - i listen to slow-dive and read some raymond carver short stories</span></div>
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<span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px;">am i happy to be home? you always are a little bit i guess, but that doesn’t really last too long - before you know it you’ve grooved yourself back into a homely routine, thinking and day dreaming about what you’ve just experienced, endured, lived though, learned and done, while you sit on the couch with the curtains closed and the tv on with the sound down - you wonder if it was real at all? - it’s ridiculous that travelling is so easy these days - it’s sad that anyone can do it - i think it’s ruining the world, and it’s selling the planet short - it’s selling our human history for twenty bucks a token - half price on tuesdays - fuck the eifel tower - fuck the collesseum - they’re not what they are anymore - they’re tourist sites, and nothing else - they’ve been robbed and raped and pimped out to thousands of people talking about bucket-lists and taking photos for no reason</span></div>
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<span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px;">the whole concept of a “bucket-list” is kind of depressing - to think so many people can make a finite list of all the things they want to do in their life depresses me, and to think all these people believe that these things will make them happy depresses me more - do these people think that once they’ve gone sky-diving or seen the arura borealis they their lives will be complete? that they’ll be happy just to sit out the rest of their lives now that they’ve “crossed that one off”? - i understand that life will never be complete, and death will never come packaged in a tidy tight conclusion - that hole you feel in your soul will never be filled, no matter how many lists you make, or how hard you try and map out your perfect life - love, a dream job, money,marriage, house, kids - none of these things will complete your life - travel,site seeing, spiritual retreats - they’re either meaningless and only under-taken to make your friends envious, or they’re never enough - no list can complete your life, because your life will never be complete - nothing you control will make you happy, at least not in the long term - but an awareness of the sad truths of life will allow you to feel a little better at least</span></div>
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<span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px;">i see shadows move where there are no shadows - or at least, where there shouldn’t be shadows - i question myself, and have learnt not to trust my sanity - their reoccurrence leads me to raise the possibility of ghouls and spectres - i often forget to sleep - and when i do, it rarely counts for anything - I'm surrounded by a warm fog, lost and confused in a cold bland world with nothing to do - i sit and stare at the powerless television - a distant vague silhouette of my reflection stares back at me, and i swear i can see a dark soul, characterless, sitting next to me in silence</span></div>
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<span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px;">she is due home any minute, though each minute passes like a sore and tired year - i don’t know what her reaction will be, nor if she’ll even notice</span></div>
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simonlawlorandtherealisationhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11795228144653637367noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5157525040677815488.post-79341804110468414952014-04-12T00:14:00.002-07:002014-04-12T00:14:48.054-07:00Art Intimidating Life - The Ruins of my Mental Empire: Part One Hundred and Three<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjwfMj5sPm74HaqUQB1DIEZI3-Hp2J72FJEKIDzYbo1KArp62BZScj6SzXamm3NR6fVUN2J9nAEzLBBNscO6N0Jb-AyUTSbBfxl1Srjz6DcJXnMOmJm-PGy2LR_bqSDUvRIadyxAJmXmhAt/s1600/Photo+on+12-04-2014+at+4.57+pm.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjwfMj5sPm74HaqUQB1DIEZI3-Hp2J72FJEKIDzYbo1KArp62BZScj6SzXamm3NR6fVUN2J9nAEzLBBNscO6N0Jb-AyUTSbBfxl1Srjz6DcJXnMOmJm-PGy2LR_bqSDUvRIadyxAJmXmhAt/s1600/Photo+on+12-04-2014+at+4.57+pm.jpg" height="233" width="320" /></a></div>
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<span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px;">he was alone in the cafe - it was warm, and he was alone - a table for one - the open fire looked welcoming, but burnt almost too hot for the small cafe - half the tables were empty, so the waitress just told him to sit anyway - he sat by the window, in the corner, at a small table that sat four - he felt guilty, and hoped it didn’t get busier - it was ten thirty in the morning</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Helvetica;"><span style="font-size: 11px; letter-spacing: 0px;">outside the leaves were yellow and brown, and starting to fall </span><span style="font-size: 11px;">whenever</span><span style="font-size: 11px; letter-spacing: 0px;"> the wind blew - it was the first day of autumn that actually felt like autumn - his mind drifted to nothing and nowhere in particular - though he did notice a small bird perched on top of one of the large umbrellas over the tables outside</span></span><br />
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<span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px;">he hadn’t even looked at the menu when the young waitress stood before him and asked if he’d like to order - she was pretty, and he could tell she was a little shy - he like that in waitresses - he ordered a sugar free soft drink and opened the menu - the first thing he saw was the big breakfast, but he didn't want that - far too big, and he rarely ate breakfast anyway - he ordered the two scones for seven dollars and smiled as the waitress took the menu from him and walked to the kitchen - she didn’t even write down the order, he thought to himself</span></div>
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<span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px;">a young couple sat at one of the tables not far from him - they had a small child in a high-chair with them, who had food and crumbs all over itself - the couple seemed happy, and having their child mess and play with it’s food didn’t seem to bother them - they ate their meal, exchanging short and quiet conversation - for a moment or two he made eye contact with the young child - and with a small smile, he looked back out the window</span></div>
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<span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px;">he hadn’t seen his wife in seven years - he’d call her every now and again - her birthday - christmas and easter - they’d exchange pleasant enough words, until it was only him asking questions, and her giving short answers - until he ran out of questions, and they’d hang up, wishing each other well - he was left staring at the phone in silence, processing the thought and realisation, that it would be up to six months until he would be welcome to call her again</span></div>
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<span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px;">the waitress brought his drink, and poured it for him in a tall glass filled with ice and a black straw - they both watched the drink fall and trickle down the ice until the glass was full - he thanked her, and waited for the bubbles and froth to simmer down a bit before taking a sip</span></div>
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<span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px;">a middle aged man in bright orange fitness clothes walked into the cafe and removed his headphones from his ears - he walked straight to the counter and ordered some sort of coffee - he stood around, talking with the girl behind the counter, and one of the cooks from the kitchen - it didn’t take long for his coffee to be made - he said goodbye and waved to the cooks in the kitchen - he put his headphones back in his ears and walked back outside the door - watching him walk down the street, he noticed his tight and toned calf muscles, fascinated by the way they moved as he walked - then he yawned before the fire popped and sparked out an ember, that got everyone in the cafe’s attention</span></div>
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<span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px;">he was halfway through his soft-drink when the waitress returned to his table with the two scones - he was careful not to finish his drink before the scones arrived, and often had to stop himself from taking another sip - the waitress smiled with her mouth closed - she put the two scones with jam and cream on the table in front of him and said, there you go - he thanked her and picked up a knife to cut open the warm scones </span></div>
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<span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px;">im sorry, excuse me… - she said as her eyes lit up, youthful and bright - she had energy— …are you Courtney’s father? - he nodded and said that, yes he was - the girl nodded and said that he probably wouldn't remember her, but she came over for a sleep-over a couple of times when she and Courtney were both kids - he didn’t really remember her, but he nodded and smiled and asked her how she was going - she told him about how she was doing a business/arts degree, before she took a year off to travel through Europe, spending a month in Japan on her way home - she was working this waitress job just for some money while she figures out what she wants to do next - he told the waitress that she was looking good and happy, and wished her all the best with whatever the future brought her - she then asked about Courtney, and asked how she was going - he hadn’t seen or spoken to her in seven years - her mother never allowed him to speak to her whenever he called - nevertheless, he told the girl that Courtney was doing well, and was also taking some time to figure out what she was doing - the girl smiled, and nodded, saying that that was great - she wished Courtney well, and told him to say hello to her for her, then joked that she should come over for a sleep over again - he thanked her, and said he’d pass on her kind words</span></div>
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<span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px;">he broke open the two scones with the knife, and the steam rose from the middle of the pieces - he scooped out some cream and spread it over the four pieces of scone - then doing the same with the jam - in doing so some remnants of cream now sat in the jam dish - he took a bite and it was good - looking out the window he saw that it begun to rain - just lightly - thin rain - but he could tell that it would’t last very long - he took another sip of his soft drink, and that finished it off - out the window the bird had flown away, and now nothing but rain drops sat and slid atop of the umbrellas outside</span></div>
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simonlawlorandtherealisationhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11795228144653637367noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5157525040677815488.post-33230320234947195102014-04-11T07:08:00.000-07:002014-04-11T07:11:47.235-07:00Art Intimidating Life - The Ruins of my Mental Empire: Part One Hundred and Two<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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<span style="font-family: Helvetica;"><span style="font-size: 11px;">its such a horror to think and imagine everyone in the world dying - the human race wiping itself out - such a miracle of the universe wasted and gone in a split second… in a tiny little flash in an infitite universe…</span></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Helvetica;"><span style="font-size: 11px;">on the other hand, it’s beautiful - imagine a world with no human beings - trees growing where they want to grow - grass growing naturally where it wants to grow - extinct speices coming out of hiding, from hiding places that human beings couldn’t comprehend existing - but they did, and they will and they do, without human beings</span></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Helvetica;"><span style="font-size: 11px;"><br /></span></span>
<span style="font-family: Helvetica;"><span style="font-size: 11px;">im with all the people who are behind the times</span></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Helvetica;"><span style="font-size: 11px;">the rest are too busy on their phones</span></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Helvetica;"><span style="font-size: 11px;">making each other busy, i guess</span></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Helvetica;"><span style="font-size: 11px;"><br /></span></span>
<span style="font-family: Helvetica;"><span style="font-size: 11px;">the pursuit of success kills the soul</span></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Helvetica;"><span style="font-size: 11px;">do what you want</span></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Helvetica;"><span style="font-size: 11px;">listen to yourself</span></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Helvetica;"><span style="font-size: 11px;"><br /></span></span>
<span style="font-family: Helvetica;"><span style="font-size: 11px;">one of the reasons i love the human race is because we have actually introduced laws against “upskirting” - what a strange species we are that we actually have to do that…</span></span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Helvetica;"><span style="font-size: 11px;">seven nights</span></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Helvetica;"><span style="font-size: 11px;">on a farm</span></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Helvetica;"><span style="font-size: 11px;">in new zealand</span></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Helvetica;"><span style="font-size: 11px;">reading</span></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Helvetica;"><span style="font-size: 11px;">writing</span></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Helvetica;"><span style="font-size: 11px;">and thinking</span></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Helvetica;"><span style="font-size: 11px;">watching the days pass</span></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Helvetica;"><span style="font-size: 11px;">with nothing happening</span></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Helvetica;"><span style="font-size: 11px;">and doing nothing</span></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Helvetica;"><span style="font-size: 11px;">and now</span></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Helvetica;"><span style="font-size: 11px;">im standing</span></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Helvetica;"><span style="font-size: 11px;">at parliament station</span></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Helvetica;"><span style="font-size: 11px;">waiting for the train</span></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Helvetica;"><span style="font-size: 11px;">as though nothing ever happened</span></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Helvetica;"><span style="font-size: 11px;"><br /></span></span>
<span style="font-family: Helvetica;"><span style="font-size: 11px;">time is a thief</span></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Helvetica;"><span style="font-size: 11px;">are you a goodie?</span></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Helvetica;"><span style="font-size: 11px;">or a baddie?</span></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Helvetica;"><span style="font-size: 11px;">or just confused?</span></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Helvetica;"><span style="font-size: 11px;">death makes no mistakes</span></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Helvetica;"><span style="font-size: 11px;">life does</span></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Helvetica;"><span style="font-size: 11px;">life is</span></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Helvetica;"><span style="font-size: 11px;">and regrets grow slowly</span></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Helvetica;"><span style="font-size: 11px;"><br /></span></span>
<span style="font-family: Helvetica;"><span style="font-size: 11px;">laughter and happiness</span></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Helvetica;"><span style="font-size: 11px;">at the dinner table</span></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Helvetica;"><span style="font-size: 11px;">i bite my tongue</span></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Helvetica;"><span style="font-size: 11px;"><br /></span></span>
<span style="font-family: Helvetica;"><span style="font-size: 11px;">am i a protective father</span></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Helvetica;"><span style="font-size: 11px;">or just in a bad mood?</span></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Helvetica;"><span style="font-size: 11px;"><br /></span></span>
<span style="font-family: Helvetica;"><span style="font-size: 11px;">the mighty traveller</span></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Helvetica;"><span style="font-size: 11px;">who walks the world</span></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Helvetica;"><span style="font-size: 11px;">and wonders - </span></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Helvetica;"><span style="font-size: 11px;">learns the same amount</span></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Helvetica;"><span style="font-size: 11px;">and learns the same things</span></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Helvetica;"><span style="font-size: 11px;">as the mighty one </span></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Helvetica;"><span style="font-size: 11px;">who stands still</span></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Helvetica;"><span style="font-size: 11px;">in the trees alone</span></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Helvetica;"><span style="font-size: 11px;">on the beach alone</span></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Helvetica;"><span style="font-size: 11px;">in the desert alone</span></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Helvetica;"><span style="font-size: 11px;">with no shoes on</span></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Helvetica;"><span style="font-size: 11px;">alone</span></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Helvetica;"><span style="font-size: 11px;">and still</span></span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Helvetica;"><span style="font-size: 11px;">happy memories</span></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Helvetica;"><span style="font-size: 11px;">in dark times - </span></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Helvetica;"><span style="font-size: 11px;">like fast passing headlights</span></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Helvetica;"><span style="font-size: 11px;">at midnight,</span></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Helvetica;"><span style="font-size: 11px;">on a lonely highway</span></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Helvetica;"><span style="font-size: 11px;">to nowhere</span></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Helvetica;"><span style="font-size: 11px;"><br /></span></span>
<span style="font-family: Helvetica;"><span style="font-size: 11px;">you can't spell hello</span></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Helvetica;"><span style="font-size: 11px;">without hell</span></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Helvetica;"><span style="font-size: 11px;"><br /></span></span>
<span style="font-family: Helvetica;"><span style="font-size: 11px;">you can't spell goodbye</span></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Helvetica;"><span style="font-size: 11px;">without good</span></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Helvetica;"><span style="font-size: 11px;">or be</span></span><br />
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simonlawlorandtherealisationhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11795228144653637367noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5157525040677815488.post-9623024353923548912014-02-28T23:23:00.000-08:002014-02-28T23:45:01.928-08:00Art Intimidating Life - The Ruins of my Mental Empire: Part One Hundred and Onemother nature once told me that it's a shame you only live once<br />
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i was walking down the streets of blackburn, victoria - turning heads the easy way - flared jeans, purple bandanna, faded stains on my white bonds tshirt - i was moving on down to buy some beers as a saturday afternoon with nothing to do but listen to music, read poetry (l.cohen) and nap resulted in me running out - also, lady-elle requested some juice - (i got her apple) - but no one inspires me the same way michael stipe inspires me - watch him perform as an insecure twenty-something and it'll make you want to read and create as much as possible - he never lost his distant gaze - something i treasure - the tell-tale signs of an artist - i walked by the cafes and their children playing outside, waiting for their parents inside to devour their me-time and drink their coffee - their kids ran and played and laughed, chasing each other for reasons only children know - i swerved out of the way of one of them - no consideration, but fucking beautiful - i thought about how one day that kid will one day grow up and drive a car - and cut someone off and get angry and pissed off and stressed out - we all admire the traits and qualities of free-will children, but then grow up to put pressure on each other about what jobs we work, whether we're having sex or not having sex, whether our clothes meet a standard set by tee-vee or some new york blog somewhere - we're born with the freedom and purity and the best things in life laid out in front of us, and we eat it up - and we enjoy it, man - and we grow up and we put each other down and talk about the good old days and we bitch about our friends and we get fat and lazy and addicted to any bullshit the world has to offer, all the while forgetting the simple beauty of life - wind, clouds, trees, stones, the sound of footsteps on dirt, birds calling and fucking flying (!!), animals getting spooked by the sounds of your footsteps on dirt but stopping for a moment and checking you out as you make eye contact for like twenty seconds and make a promise to yourself you'll never tell anyone about your sacred moment, alone in the depths of nature - ... completely high<br />
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i moved on down passed the pizza shop that used to sell expensive, strange looking, yet delicious pizzas, but now sells moderately priced, good looking and surprisingly gourmet in the gutter pizzas - the only issue is it's never easy - there is one guy who is running the place, and the rest are his relatives doing their best to help out - so i stride on past and there is this large guy in mafia-black jacket and sunnies smoking a shisha pipe at the petty metal table and chairs struggling outside - i stride on past and try and give him a sideways glance without him seeing me - i dunno - i move through the isle of the supermarket and toy with the idea of buying cut-price, bargain bin apple juice - i decline the thought, and pay the full five dollars something on-top of whatever the slap of beer costs<br />
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i wonder if he is the first guy to ever smoke a shisha pipe on the streets of blackburn - i see the fallen leaves rotting on the stones in the first stages of dusk, on the first day of autumn - i think about blackburn in the old days - dirt roads and horses and men in hats and ladies being called ladies - i wonder if there was a poser like me walking the streets of blackburn back then, one hundred years ago - causing shit and starting trouble just so the people occupying this world don't get too comfortable, and too complacent - the beauty behind a struggle wins hands-down<br />
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as i return up the road, i see the man, deep in his black coat and deeply alone in his smoke and thoughts - i really want to ask him if i can share in his haze - and im close to it - as i move closer, i think i make eye contact behind his mafia-sunnies, and give him a frown-and-nod - a sign of street-respect - complete street-admiration - yep, you've done it, but i gotta go<br />
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his response was minimal to say the least - nothing in fact - just some scented smoke and somewhere behind it all a death stare that said - keep walking nancy-boy - i respect that<br />
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i got home and got lady-elle to open the door for me - she knew that i had a slab of beer in my hands because i knocked on the door for her to open it for me - something i obviously wouldn't have done if she hadn't asked me to buy her some juice - it's a shame she only lives once - twice at least would help us out, at least for a little bit<br />
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