I like how children mix soft drinks together - concoctions like fanta, lemonade, and creamy-soda - I do the same with soup, and call it minestrone
i see the sunset through the last dance of swaying trees - i see wind painted clouds morph like giant lava-lamps in the sky - i see two young teenagers, excited and blessed with each other’s friendship, walking home from a cd-store, holding copies of strange days by the doors, or disintegration by the cure, or horses by patti smith, and i know and understand and share their excitement - it’s a beautiful dusk
I’m trying my best to work out the exact time I took a deliberate step backwards - backing out any significant participation in the free-flowing world around me – studying philosophy really messed me up, but that took around four or five years to really take affect – the chronic push to see ridiculous movies wore me down to exhaustion eventually I guess, but that just led to my solo sessions, late on Tuesday nights, that I instantly grew fond of – I doubt my taste and love for music had anything to do with it – I don’t give a shit what anyone else listens too, and when I partake, there is no force or influence in the world that can, nor would want to, stand in the way of the events that take place in my misty mellow mind – perhaps the rush of phones stirred some upset – I hated seeing those I hold in high-regard succumbing to the quick fix and fast answers of google maps and urban spoons – though it was an oceanic force and there was absolutely nothing I could do about it – simply sit and wait till they’re done – I’ve leant to voice my opinion and let the issue go – it very rare to be able to change anyone’s mind these days - it’s never really my intention, but it should always be a possibility - far too often it’s not
so somewhere along the way I’ve stepped back from life – I’ve distanced myself from people – not my friends or family, or those people who are in my life for whatever reason – and not the copious number of cool people I encounter during my movements – but when it comes to people in general, and life when it presents itself, I take a step backward – part of it is due to a chronic disdain I have for people, generally speaking, and the life and world we’ve made and caused ourselves – and part of it stems from the lure and temptation I feel towards letting existence and time and chance (and ultimately truth) take place and unfold before my perspectives – I want to let people and let the world go, and i just want to see what happens
I know I can see the best and worst in every good and bad experience we share, and so I am not afraid – I honestly believe that at least one moment thinking of death at least once a day is a healthy thing – it teaches you to really appreciate everything and everyone around you, all the time – it will all end one day, and we simply can’t take a second for granted – isolation and mortal thoughts help you realise this
so where does this leave me? – walking to work this morning, I was struck with a very clear image of what my perspective looks and feels like – there is this movie called “almost famous” – there is a shot in this film where the boy-child-music-journalist is sitting on a hotel room bed, and he has a gang-lust of teenage-girl groupies dancing a circle around him in their underpants – he sits bewildered and amazed and shocked and excited, out of control in the hands of an ultimate beauty, as they ballet around him in soft-slow-motion – it’s that sense of bewilderment, amazement, shock and excitement that I feel every time I slowly step back from the world – alone with the world unfolding, revealing it’s strange truth, and dancing in it’s underpants, all around me
that’s the best I can do to explain why I am the way I am, and why i’m happy doing the things i do - thanks
