Art Intimidating Life - The Ruins of my Mental Empire: Part Ninety

the boozey haze breathed from him like a warm fog - now beyond fatigue, he felt high - the lamp that sat on the other side of the dark room, pulsed and throbbed a dull orange glow - the rain poured outside like red wine, as he sunk back deeper into his black coat - warm from a night of wine, he hadn't left the room in three days - he closed his eyes, and heard music grow like rich green vines clawing it's way to a glimpse of sunlight - there was a funeral in heaven - the angels are dead - he'd open his eyes unaware of how much time had passed - somehow, the wine never seemed to run out - there was always more - there were deep green empty bottles scattered around the room - a couple by the window - a couple by the door - one smashed at the foot of the coffee-table - and several standing on guard at his feet, like loyal soldiers, willing to kill and die for their great-master of the soul-lands - loaded, and wasted, he drifted deeper into varying states consciousness and unconsciousness

when the rain finally stopped, he leaned forward and poured himself another glass of red-wine - his hair hung  long and greasy, in strains over his dulled eyes - the glass was sticky and smudged, and sipped deeply at the wine like spiced-blood - the room, one big shadow - the air begun to move, a hug-goodbye and never to be seen again - a sweet musky scent - blinking his eyes, stretching them wide, a vision of the girl parted the haze - her long blonde hair floated, moving like syrup - everything was fluid - her white dress could belong to no-one but her, and her body - her face with a quiet smile - she knew everything - the music returned, and she begun to move to it's sound - a distant choir of sad voices recalling the death of the everyday-saints - a sloppy piano played - sad and drunk - defeated and over - she spun and smiled in slow motion before him - his heart beat deeply, watching her he knew she was happy - she had no say in it, but she was happy - each time she spun her smile passed his mesmorised-gaze - her smile, deep within herself - her blonde hair in a slow celebration - her dance, a tantalisation

the birds sung sadly as the sun slowly rose - dew grew like poison as a new day begun - he woke up, his mouth open wide - running his thin fingers through his hair, he yawned the cold morning air into his clouded lungs - half a glass of wine sat cold on the table in front of him - he threw it down his throat, and stared blankly into the void in front of him

***

im the arrogant prick at the footy
drinking beers, proud of myself for it
heading on home after a few more
listening to deeply dark and serious music
music with intention
i read fucking tolstoy on the train home
surrounded by the sedated fools
i walk the wide industrial streets
of my suburban home town
looking to the stars with an endless and philosophical mind
im the knock out
the down and out
the timeless one and the last one
im the 4am bowed down bar-room boozer
alone - training for a marathon
im the married man fancy-pants
the ladies-man, one on one
i flirt with them all
im responsible for all the unspoken understandings
the only laws i respect are the unspoken ones
and the universal truths of the soul
the 5am lava lamp and party lights
the red wine and the rain comes down hard all night
my head in a haze
a comfortable, manageable sadness
alone, no questions, no answers


***

i spend the day alone
indulging in a world
of victimless crimes

go jaywalker, go
you and i know
you have nowhere to be

the writing is on the wall
my head is in my hands
i should know better
but all i know
are god's grand plans

alone and drunk
the streets are dark
and i am free
when i wake up
to the policewoman
talking at me

my memories
are wasted
in heaven

the constant struggle between
the good life, success
and the truth

the sadness of the elderly gardener
raking leaves
in the strong cold wind
the happiness knowing
someone is paying him to do it

only the lonesome are in control
the rest of us rely on others

the stillness
of this empty room
i dance in

i walk with my head down
my eyes down
hiding myself from the billboards

the sign says "free lemons"
i take one -
my first lemon!

under the thumb of a drunk-god
i return
to the scene of the crime

the cool air on my face
makes me realise
i haven't been outside in four days

we're going to need
a bigger war-memorial

a silly sadness
can't be ignored
- i have no reason to be happy

i act dignified
in front of the elderly
in the hope
they feel it was all worth it

day and night
this lonely planet
just floats in space

the clouds move like smoke
on my birthday
celebrating the dark, lonesome writer

another split beer
one more memory
everytime i put on this jacket

a misty red-wine
this dim-lit lounge
i sit on your warm spot on the couch

this red-wine
tastes like...
...dim the lights, light some candles

sunset city
your clouds
could cure god's hangover

cheap sad haiku
you're not worth the beer coaster
you're written on

i wrote the story of my life
on the back of a beer coaster
and ordered another wine

i saw the story of my life
float slowly by
in the clouds at dusk