i take it slow and move down the fashion conscious streets of my home town - sunglasses keep barrier of distance and shade between me, and everything i see - everyone i see - each passer-by reveals another passer-by - a continual flow of people i'll never know just moving around - are they walking as aimlessly as i am? - can so many people really have that many things to do? - the weather is nice so i stop by the side of the street and order a seven-dollar fruit smoothie that tastes like shit, but the girl who served me was a cutie so i consider it a win-win situation - i bought the smoothie that had the least-ridiculous name - maybe that's why.
i stand on the corner and watch some more - i enjoy the confusion life causes me - i never want to get used to this life - i want to look at that girl stopped at a red light in her car, and see a girl in a metal box, run by a motor of little bits and pieces, and imagine the amount of trust she's putting into all those little bits and pieces to work together - to work together to save her life at every red-light - i want to see the absurdity of human beings, as intelligent beings, relying on coloured lights to tell them what to do - on hoards and hoards of people following the clock like a god, but forgetting that it's the sun that is our god, and we rely on a natural phenomenon to occur each and every day in order for normality to keep us sane - i want to look at women wearing high-heels and think to myself "what the fuck are you doing?" - i want to look at chairs and think about how much of a cool fucking invention they are - how can you be unhappy when sitting in a chair?
yeah, that's life - yeah, they're thoughts - i can't stop it and i can't stop them and i can't stop it confusing everyone else around me - some people get it, most don't - but at the same time, most don't care either - wearing my cowboy hat on the train home last night reminded me of this
walking home i took some thoughts - warm sunny summer afternoon, enough drain a thirst out of me - bag over one shoulder - got some books and some cds - the woman in that accountant's office is staring at me - i glance back and she's back to work - i come to the realisation that throughout my whole life, i have always had this built in trust and assurance that everything is going to be alright - that i can do anything and say anything, and everything will always work out - eventually, at least - and it does - im a pessimistic, sure - but that's only about the superficial and petty things we do with our lives - with the absurd and ridiculous things we think are important - im pessimistic and sarcastic about those things - everything else, i know will be good'n'cool in the end - i've always had this in me - always- and so far it's paid off and is working - i just don't know who to thank - the things i dream about doing, i end up doing in time - and i do give it time - maybe that's the trick - don't push things - don't rush things - just allow it, and sit back in your chair
i fail at times and they're the times i don't know what's going wrong - what is it that i cannot fix? - the heavy burden of a neutral life on the wondering thinker - it only takes time before something happens that breaks through that nasty-silent-grey-normality - sometimes it's a song - sometimes it's a lithuanian sunset - today it was a great time over a nine kilometer run - my best - and as soon as i realised i'd run my fastest time, i knew i had the universe and my cosmic-worryless-gift to thank, and apologise to
keep the faith, by never forgetting how tiny and insignificant our lives are in comparison to this world, this galaxy and this universe - it's incomprehensible, but the more you try, the more you realise we have nothing to worry about - seventy odd years out of billions and billions past, and billions and billions to come
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