i found a lucky charm - i put it in my pocket and went to work - after that, i went home and cooked dinner and watched television and fell asleep on the couch - i woke up on at couch at around 10.30pm, and by that time it was time to go to bed - so i brushed my teeth and rinsed with mouthwash and changed into a t-shirt i don't care about too much and slipped into bed and dreamt dull dreams i'll tell my friends about tomorrow - i woke up after a light sleep and got dressed for work and tipped my cap and walked out the door
my lucky charm? - oh, i left that in my other pants - and since i'd worn them once i washed them the next day and in doing so destroyed the lucky charm - yep, some people have said to me that it could've changed my life and had some good influences on how i live it - but, these things happen - and everything happens for a reason, right?
***
pressing - warped and melting - there is good reason the human mind cannot comprehend how completely insignificant we are every-waking hour - the human mind can only handle it in bursts - i don't claim to know the meaning of life, but i claim to have come within it's reach once or twice - i now know that's it's out of my control to fully comprehend it, but maybe my work done in my designated seventy-ish years will one day contribute to the most beautiful day in human existence - the day we realise we're not alone - or the day we realise not just why, but how we're here - i dream of that day and imagine being around to witness it from some perspective - i imagine sitting down at a bar at six pee-em on a friday winter evening - weeks after my birthday - seeing some friends and sharing whatever news we had - i'd try and call lady-elle but the mobiles wouldn't be working - the bar staff would let me use the land-line and i'd somehow get through to her - she'd somehow know that everyone we know is okay and safe - her family, my family, our friends - all safe and well, despite the chaos of general public - and she'd be alright as well - but i wouldn't have to ask
we'd order drinks, sheepishly - wondering if we should, and telling ourselves we want to keep a clear head for this complete moment of earth history - insignificant beyond pluto - but without a doubt we'd all be in a good mood - we'd all be laughing anyway - you can be dying and be in a good mood - and thank god - as that's just how the earth will be, when we realise we're not alone
***
the invisible tear of the pathetic man staring at the school-girl on my rainy-morning train this morning - i look to her ipod and nod to myself - i look to him and shake my head ever so slightly - slightly enough i may not have shook my head at all - but enough for him to think that some strange guy in a black jacket with long hair and a beard in fingerless gloves reading some tattered pages just may have caught him out doing something his mind will take to the circus
live in the now - so they say - but fuck, it's hard - im not going to say it's impossible, but give me a week on earth and i'll give you only one moment i clearly see my life in the moment - that being; my life right here, right now, what im seeing, what im hearing, thinking and all that with the anticipation of what is most likely going to come next, right now - i feel lucky i have the ability to allow myself realisation like this as often as possible - i wonder how common they are - i wonder how common they are when im buying salami from the deli at the supermarket - i wonder how common they are when im waiting at the pedestrian crossing at swanston street and fuck knows - i wonder about how many people have thought about marilyn monroe's vagina - millions probably - millions billions of times - and that's the sort of shit that give me an invisible tear this rainy morning
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