Art Intimidating Life: The Ruins of My Mental Empire - Part Twenty-Six

pain melts - self inflicted pain sparkles upwards - a man on the street - so many strangers in this strange, strange world - our home town, tonight - some thunder and lightening, and a rain that drenches everything into a deep, rich green - we lie on the couch and think about the birds and ducks and possums we've seen before in the parklands by the lake - i think about how they are managing in the relentless rain - i imagine their silhouettes stamped proudly and unafraid as the lightening strikes again - i imagine their wide open night time eyes dart sharply as the thunder take over everything - we've eaten dinner and under blankets we drift in and out of an ever-tempting sleep - a sinking sleep that allows us to let go of everything this body and mind put us through - a sleep to remind and teach us further, that death is not something to be feared, but is something beautiful and rewarding - we all work so hard and put up with so much in this life, surely death is the ultimate reward - the sleep to begin an eternal rest where our bodies are soon forgotten and our minds lead us through the infinite possibilities - dreams are limited by time and alarm clocks and routine, but soon, in death, we'll be able to comprehend infinity - we will be infinity

but now i am sitting on my couch, drinking a beer, thinking about the things i did, said, and thought today - im thinking about jelly-beans, i'm thinking about the stasi book i'm reading, im thinking of the younger version of myself i walked passed on the street - im thinking of the people i spoke to on the phone, and the people i said hello to - im thinking about what i should do with myself, and how to show those select few that they really have no idea and shouldn't be so self-centred - no-one is that important - i write here, but rarely draw anyone into it's realms on my own accord - i take photos of myself and make videos of myself, but that is simply because i have a vision - i don't take myself too seriously, despite being quietly convinced i am the true sole chosen one, only because i am in fact me, and know no-other way, and therefore, no-one else does - one day, within a great depression, or an endless, endless energetic bliss, my story will be told and the world will never be the same again and it will be the one true direct avenue to god and existence - however, there is a good chance i was find it alone, and therefore take it alone

two nights ago i was sitting in a luxury apartment in the city, alone - the windows were massive and the view of the buildings and lake and bay and people and yachts and sky were instantly impressive,especially as they were being viewed from such a comfort - after sharing a couple or few bottles of red wine with a loved one, i stayed up all night drinking beers after beers in my underpants and a flannel shirt - i sat by the window and rested my legs on the window sill - sad music played like the late night sad-man who'd come to accept his misery and heartbreak in the arms of an ignorant and confused loved-one - it was beautiful and the lights were off inside my luxurious state of being because the city lights painted his picture for me, and i couldn't take my eyes off it - if the stars are god's, then the cities at night belong to the sad-man

the sun has set, and now it is time for me to walk amongst the trees and grass - i have nothing to take with me except this beautiful mind-set i've found myself in this evening - a deep, rich green, a need for nothing, but an appreciation for all thing available in this strange, strange, lucky little life.