Art Intimidating Life - The Ruins of my Mental Empire: Part Fifty-Seven

just because
they smoke it
it dont mean
i have to
and i dont -
but yes,
everyone thinks i do
- but i dont -
sure, i'll drink
but even then
i dont drink
as much as
people assume i do
- it would be an insult
to lady-elle to think i did
- i don't -
not like your imaginations do
- a self inflected confusion
arguing
with the word of
"God"
- god's on my side baby
god's with us
god's drinkin'
god's the last to go home
god's fare-evading with me, simon!
god's horny
and so what?
so are microbes
so were microbes
just because i sit here
with a wife
and a beautiful wife
and a job
and friends
and a self-inflected slot
into art
havent you seen my photo!?
it's of myself
of myself outside the art GALLERY
im holding my balls
and thrusting myself
towards the camera
with my balls
and a smile on my face
- how do i project myself
in-front of artist i admire?
and where do you end admiration
with obsession?
- when shall i begin to hate?
...
...
... ...
...now
it comes to the moment in whatever your consciousness allows you
to accept your reality
- smiles, and their meaning
- kisses, and their regrets
- hugs, and their hesitants
the rest left to my nature
my flow of -
i thought id lost it at six-teen!
- of words and syrups
that melt from stars
and songs
and drinks
and films
and nights
and some only friends
as we get older
scoping
- how can it work out this way
- when i bowed
- to the down and out
- out of sight
- out of mind
and i still find myself undeservedly happy
and it's well known -
undeservedly happy
undeservedly happy
undeservedly happy
...happily sad doesn't cut it
because if it did
we'd be rolling in a peaceful world
showered in WATER
imagining all the photos
burning slowly
as we shower clean
durty hair times
falling alone
with stolen beers - i assume
in a room with too much music
- how do we manage these time?
- how do you even attempt to beat
HST
"human beings are the only creatures on earth that claim a god - and the only living thing that behaves like it hasn't got one"
i slink back in my bar stool
and succumb
- i will never write any better
i read it when i was seventeen maybe
i came-about at twenty-married-nine
and nothing has changed you IDIOTS!
blank canvas - bullshit
pen and paper - burnt
life is a bubble to poke at
hole after hole after hole
nothing after nothing after nothing
and it's at this moment those
IDIOTS
say take a chance
poke
prod
make mistakes
and make them life changing
change yourself
help me - and be my friend time
nothing speaks to you like the moments you're alone
they are the words of god
but it only takes you now to realise
- no-one is going to tell you but me
you're okay
you're doing fine
your depression isn't solitary
you're never alone when you never want to be alone
and you're alone when you want to be
- either way
im thinking of you
and let's carry on
- why not?