Art Intimidating Life: The Ruins of my Mental Empire - Part Thirty-Two

day turns into night - this session into this session into this session - lunch time beers carry on! - im alone, cooking some food watching the ferns and insects interact as the cool autumn sun finds some cracks in the shade - simple salad vegetables, some soft bread n' hot mustard - behind me some horror country music screams of death and murder - i snap myself a beer and enjoy my food - i'm comfortably lazy all afternoon and happy within myself - day drifts into dusk and i make an effort to make the most of it, as no dusk lasts too long - i launch the old wooden ladder up to the roof and take a few cold bottles of beer with me - i sit on my roof and see the sun setting over the suburban roof tops - some chiminies puffs slowing as tv antennas transmit the replay of the footy to the content and the heartbroken - half a million home cooked dinners cooked by one million people in love during this suburban sunset - i keep myself on the outskirts and imagine myself closer to god standing here on the rooftop - i swig my beer slowly and the dusk keeps it cold - the insects are excited and start to bite at me - i used to think the beer kept them at bay - they might have gotten used to it, or maybe it's just me - factories of industries that never quit keep producing and somewhere deep within them people are working in an attempt to get by or keep up - a car full of idiots speed down the street below me thudding and vibrating the whole place as they pass - my old torn shirt doesn't keep me warm anymore, so i toss the empty bottles onto one of the ferns below to ensure they don't smash and make my way down the old wooden ladder - inside i warm up some left overs and eat it in front of the tv with the volume down so that i can listen to music with the lamp on next to me on the couch - i appreciate that this food was made for me by somebody else, and realise how fortunate i am at the very moment - looking at the old clock on the wall, i trust it's telling the right time, and see that a friend of mine is coming over in half an hour to drive to a bar where we can meet some more of our friends and drink and talk and laugh till we get tired - i put on my jacket and drink some more beer - waiting alone with some sad country music, and feeling toasty and warm and understanding, sinking into the couch - and he arrives to the sound of a car - a rush of lights and music and tv all turning off at the same time like an voluntary apocalypse, as i pocket another beer, check for my keys and wallet and say - hey man - and meet him in the drive way

i take the back seat without much of a fight - i don't care - i relax my body and slouch in against the car-door and window - i turn off my open eyes as a blur of yellow street lights, neon and coloured shop fronts, and the scattered night time dog walkers - so many people must've enjoyed their dinners tonight - the music is transformed into the football broadcast and it must've been minutes before i even noticed - im snug and alone in the backseat, feeling safe and secure with my booziness and my friends - they talk in the two front seats but i pay no attention - they're laughing - we're moving and soon we'll get out and take a drink and talk and have a good time - but in that back seat im flying on velvet - i know where im going but i have no control of how i get there - i let go, unfocused, take a deep breath, and blur myself outside the cruising backseat window - the only thing that can stop us is fog