Art Intimidating Life - The Ruins of my Mental Empire: Part One Hundred and One

mother nature once told me that it's a shame you only live once

i was walking down the streets of blackburn, victoria - turning heads the easy way - flared jeans, purple bandanna, faded stains on my white bonds tshirt - i was moving on down to buy some beers as a saturday afternoon with nothing to do but listen to music, read poetry (l.cohen) and nap resulted in me running out - also, lady-elle requested some juice - (i got her apple) - but no one inspires me the same way michael stipe inspires me - watch him perform as an insecure twenty-something and it'll make you want to read and create as much as possible - he never lost his distant gaze - something i treasure - the tell-tale signs of an artist - i walked by the cafes and their children playing outside, waiting for their parents inside to devour their me-time and drink their coffee - their kids ran and played and laughed, chasing each other for reasons only children know - i swerved out of the way of one of them - no consideration, but fucking beautiful - i thought about how one day that kid will one day grow up and drive a car - and cut someone off and get angry and pissed off and stressed out - we all admire the traits and qualities of free-will children, but then grow up to put pressure on each other about what jobs we work, whether we're having sex or not having sex, whether our clothes meet a standard set by tee-vee or some new york blog somewhere - we're born with the freedom and purity and the best things in life laid out in front of us, and we eat it up - and we enjoy it, man - and we grow up and we put each other down and talk about the good old days and we bitch about our friends and we get fat and lazy and addicted to any bullshit the world has to offer, all the while forgetting the simple beauty of life - wind, clouds, trees, stones, the sound of footsteps on dirt, birds calling and fucking flying (!!), animals getting spooked by the sounds of your footsteps on dirt but stopping for a moment and checking you out as you make eye contact for like twenty seconds and make a promise to yourself you'll never tell anyone about your sacred moment, alone in the depths of nature - ... completely high

i moved on down passed the pizza shop that used to sell expensive, strange looking, yet delicious pizzas, but now sells moderately priced, good looking and surprisingly gourmet in the gutter pizzas - the only issue is it's never easy - there is one guy who is running the place, and the rest are his relatives doing their best to help out - so i stride on past and there is this large guy in mafia-black jacket and sunnies smoking a shisha pipe at the petty metal table and chairs struggling outside - i stride on past and try and give him a sideways glance without him seeing me - i dunno - i move through the isle of the supermarket and toy with the idea of buying cut-price, bargain bin apple juice - i decline the thought, and pay the full five dollars something on-top of whatever the slap of beer costs

i wonder if he is the first guy to ever smoke a shisha pipe on the streets of blackburn - i see the fallen leaves rotting  on the stones in the first stages of dusk, on the first day of autumn - i think about blackburn in the old days - dirt roads and horses and men in hats and ladies being called ladies - i wonder if there was a poser like me walking the streets of blackburn back then, one hundred years ago - causing shit and starting trouble just so the people occupying this world don't get too comfortable, and too complacent - the beauty behind a struggle wins hands-down

as i return up the road, i see the man, deep in his black coat and deeply alone in his smoke and thoughts - i really want to ask him if i can share in his haze - and im close to it - as i move closer, i think i make eye contact behind his mafia-sunnies, and give him a frown-and-nod -  a sign of street-respect - complete street-admiration - yep, you've done it, but i gotta go

his response was minimal to say the least - nothing in fact - just some scented smoke and somewhere behind it all a death stare that said - keep walking nancy-boy - i respect that

i got home and got lady-elle to open the door for me - she knew that i had a slab of beer in my hands because i knocked on the door for her to open it for me - something i obviously wouldn't have done if she hadn't asked me to buy her some juice - it's a shame she only lives once - twice at least would help us out, at least for a little bit

Art Intimidating Life - The Ruins of my Mental Empire: Part One Hundred

the pub i usually go to to waste an hour away eating a cheap dinner, drinking a cheap enough beer, reading a chapter or two of a book before the movie commenced was under renovations - boarded up in black - i noticed all of this only after a couple of jiggles of the locked and pad-locked front door - damn, it was hot - that five-pm painful sun shone over cringing people as they walked the sticky chewing-gum streets, wearing as little as possible, but sweating like a beast nevertheless

i turned back and walked around, trusting i'd find something eventually - i walked into an over-the-top italian cafe/restaurant and said "table for one" with a smile creeping from the corner of my mouth - whenever i say these words, which is often, i am reminded of the waitress in vilnius, lithuania, who closed her eyes, raised her eyebrows, and frowned in a way to say "ok, if you wish" - i always thought that was funny - though this girl didn't think twice of it - "sure - inside or outside?" - i scoped a scene of young families sitting at the tables outside, their drinks warmed by now with a steady stream of hot and bothered people walking home from work walking by their tables - "inside i reckon" i said, and was walked to a small table behind a large concrete beam out of sight - i ordered two beers before looking at the menu, and took out some music newspaper articles to read, that i had ripped out of some month old street press earlier that day

sweet potato on a pizza - always a winner - i eat my pizza with a knife and fork, and the ipod that's playing the national's eary stuff in my ears saves me from the bitching conversation of the girls night out that's taking place somewhere on the other side of my concrete beam - i take a deep sip of my cold beer and examine the formula one memorabilia that seems to be holding up the walls - i think of all the cool people living in urban melbourne, and even some of the people living in the not too distant suburbs, who playfully give shit to people living in the suburbs, or outer suburbs - living in the sticks, the ridicule - living in the hills, they snide - well, to those people, i say - what? you don't like trees? you don't like the idea of living amongst the trees and living within nature, natural? - these are the same people who act like hippies, saying using hippie terminology and ideals, only when it suits them and makes them feel cool - makes them feel like they're one of the good ones - but they're not - they're too preoccupied with looking fashionable while exercising at the gym - by sharing their newly formed opinion thats based around something they read on the internet and posted on their social media wank-hole - a flavour of the month, until something else comes around next week - i return to my articles and continue reading, enjoying my dinner and my time alone

i still had an hour or so until the movie started, so i headed across the road to this weird bar that i knew of - weird in strange layout and confused atmosphere only - i sit at the bar and order a beer and watch the bar-tender, thinking about how i heard a bar-tender was stabbed and killed at this very bar maybe a month ago - the open air front facade meant there was little relief from the heat, despite the cold pint of beer in my hand - i sensed a small group of regulars and off-shift bar-staff down the other end of the bar - they talked of current affairs - a clean cut guy in a business shirt - light blue - came to the bar complaining that his micro-brewed pale ale wasn't tasting like the $150 beer tasting course taught him that thought it should, much to the confusion and assurance of the bar-staff that it was definitely the beer he asked for, and there was nothing wrong with it - they poured him another, and gave the beer in question to the group of regulars down the end of the bar, who drank it down with no problem - a minute later the pete campbell trying to be tyler durden returned, still claiming it didn't taste right - geesus man, i think to myself, thankful for my sense of contentment with a cheap mass produced beer, and glad i wasn't born or trained into demanding everything my valued money buys me against taking the word of another human being - respect demanded is worth nothing compared to respect given voluntarily - but guys like that one will never get it

behind me sat an elderly man with wild white hair and a beard that belonged to no one else - a well deserved beard - earned - he had a worn out newspaper on the table in front of him that he had no use for anymore - i soon noticed he had ear plugs in his ears - no, not a hearing aid - not ear-buds for his radio or anything like that - this guy was just wearing ear-plugs in both ears - it was an amazing sight - i often feel bad for wearing ear-buds and listening to music in bars, restaurants and cafes, but justify it as im sitting alone, and minding my own business - this guy found the best and coolest way to say fuck you, i don't need to hear it anymore - earplugs in public - im sick of this self-absorbed, materialistic hyper-world, where nothing truly exists if my old school friends or ex-girl/boy friends don't get the impression im living the good life via a photo on social media - i turn back to the bar, take another deep sip of beer, hoping i see the future correctly - blindfolded

for the first time ever im disapointed the movie ticket isn't designated seating - i am really looking forward to saying - away from everyone else - the next time chick or dude in the boxoffice assumes i want to sit "middle-back" - no, like art gallaries, i need to sit alone in the cinema - im sick of being distracted by the distraction of others, making a scene over petty breaks in cinema etiquette - i mean, of course, there are some golden (common sense) rules that should always be respected in the cinema, but sometimes one's annoyance of something easily ignored is more of a distraction than the original break in cinema etiquette - but hey, that guy who whispered - this is great, what an interesting and important scene - to his third date girlfriend behind me almost got a bitter beer stained bombardment of whispered truths, sure to ruin his chances with the tilda swinton look-a-like next to him