Art Intimidating Life - The Ruins of my Mental Empire: Part Fifty-Eight

he was riding horses - and making it look kinda freaky - i was sitting in the grass, smoking a beer back like it was summer - i was thinking about the first man to ever try and ride a horse - his friends must've been laughing - his friends must've been thinking, what the fuck is he doing? - but im here, in the grass, thinking of that guy - trying to be him - a nice balance somewhere in the midst of funny, entertaining, fun and showing off - who was it who said i seek, but i don't seek attention? - it's easy - to be a good friend is easy - make everyone feel as though they have your attention - never answer your mobile phone when you are talking to someone

sometime the bugs leave us be, and we can sit in the grass for hours - drifting in and out of a cloudy sleep - an island off iceland, where the grass is mounded softer than a sixty-dollar pillow - no bugs, no bites - she red as i listened to midnight fall across america - boats floated by, flying between the clouds of my afternoon-dreams - whites against white, with the yellow daytime fading like the photographs our grandchildren will show their younglings and describe us by means of occupations

there is no uglier word than occupation - we're living in a world where people go to awful lengths to occupy their time - it's as though they're trying to get it over with - i will never understand the guilt people try to shift onto each other for living a good life - one day i'll sleep in, and sleep in my clothes on the couch - wake up at three pee-em and open a beer with my first movements - i'll sit on the couch and watch the footy and watch my favourite movies eating nachos and drinking more beer - i'll write pretentious poetry and walk around the lake, drinking more beer - i'll kiss my girlfriend in front of friends,and i'll pat them on the back and buy them some beers and listen to their versions of life on earth - i'll stay up late listening to music and throw myself to each corner of the universe - i'll be happy - i'll be sad - i'll be miserable and depressed for no reason - and i'll be high on realising tiny little truths that i've missed so often up until now - i'll drink and write and listen to music till im droopy and hazy eyed behind a locked door - and then i'll tiptoe to bed, popping pillows and swimming in deep heavy blankets - sleeping easy and haunted by the most spectacular lucid dreams - and i'll have no guilt and i'll do it all again and i'll encourage my friends to do the same - there is no guilt behind doing what you want to do, only the fears of others trying to project it onto you - you feel guilt the same way you feel abused - it takes second party, and it's not your fault

i pick a blade of grass and hold it between two fingers - i watch it with my eyes - the small winds move it a little, in synch with the million other blades of grass that surround me - i imagine myself as a blade of grass and connect with the universe and until next time, i'll remain here - this way

floating backwards, flipping inside out of life and death - an eternity beyond the limits of human consciousness and my desire to finally be there now - i let go of the echos and melt into the source and centre of existence, ready to meet the moment that caused one

Art Intimidating Life - The Ruins of my Mental Empire: Part Fifty-Seven

just because
they smoke it
it dont mean
i have to
and i dont -
but yes,
everyone thinks i do
- but i dont -
sure, i'll drink
but even then
i dont drink
as much as
people assume i do
- it would be an insult
to lady-elle to think i did
- i don't -
not like your imaginations do
- a self inflected confusion
arguing
with the word of
"God"
- god's on my side baby
god's with us
god's drinkin'
god's the last to go home
god's fare-evading with me, simon!
god's horny
and so what?
so are microbes
so were microbes
just because i sit here
with a wife
and a beautiful wife
and a job
and friends
and a self-inflected slot
into art
havent you seen my photo!?
it's of myself
of myself outside the art GALLERY
im holding my balls
and thrusting myself
towards the camera
with my balls
and a smile on my face
- how do i project myself
in-front of artist i admire?
and where do you end admiration
with obsession?
- when shall i begin to hate?
...
...
... ...
...now
it comes to the moment in whatever your consciousness allows you
to accept your reality
- smiles, and their meaning
- kisses, and their regrets
- hugs, and their hesitants
the rest left to my nature
my flow of -
i thought id lost it at six-teen!
- of words and syrups
that melt from stars
and songs
and drinks
and films
and nights
and some only friends
as we get older
scoping
- how can it work out this way
- when i bowed
- to the down and out
- out of sight
- out of mind
and i still find myself undeservedly happy
and it's well known -
undeservedly happy
undeservedly happy
undeservedly happy
...happily sad doesn't cut it
because if it did
we'd be rolling in a peaceful world
showered in WATER
imagining all the photos
burning slowly
as we shower clean
durty hair times
falling alone
with stolen beers - i assume
in a room with too much music
- how do we manage these time?
- how do you even attempt to beat
HST
"human beings are the only creatures on earth that claim a god - and the only living thing that behaves like it hasn't got one"
i slink back in my bar stool
and succumb
- i will never write any better
i read it when i was seventeen maybe
i came-about at twenty-married-nine
and nothing has changed you IDIOTS!
blank canvas - bullshit
pen and paper - burnt
life is a bubble to poke at
hole after hole after hole
nothing after nothing after nothing
and it's at this moment those
IDIOTS
say take a chance
poke
prod
make mistakes
and make them life changing
change yourself
help me - and be my friend time
nothing speaks to you like the moments you're alone
they are the words of god
but it only takes you now to realise
- no-one is going to tell you but me
you're okay
you're doing fine
your depression isn't solitary
you're never alone when you never want to be alone
and you're alone when you want to be
- either way
im thinking of you
and let's carry on
- why not?

Art Intimidating Life - The Ruins of my Mental Empire: Part Fifty-Six

staring at the stars
- he is happy
to forget the cold

the sun rises
-despite his sleepy
warm bed

it's a clear blue sky
outside the doorway
- it happens

watch me dance
it's the only way
i can explain my confusion
it's the only way
you can understand me
stars and sand
where the limited
battle the infinite
where the answers
lose the questions
where i shed my life
for moments
without doubt

watch the night stars
meditating in the morning sun
- a happy life on earth

two dragonflies
pushed by the wild winds
- what a ride!

and in a million years
these waves
still crashing!

through a syrup of nerves
the boy and girl
became friends

one more friendship
- then im done
with this life

beer is best drunk
with a beard
and a smile

i think of dinosaurs
looking at the stars
through the trees

the winter breeze
chills their beer
and blows their smoke

his words are desperate
to her ears
- with every drink he slurs

leaving soon -
we must leave soon
- but no-one wants to

dark wet alley
- vomiting -
but he loves his wife

three beers
makes a genius
- so it seems

am i the only lonely
one at this bar?
- yes, it seems

the bar girl
the other side of the bar, oh!
- a wake up call

a familiar face
from the past
- too long ago to say hello

why live life?
when you can watch life?
- so fucking amazing

he sits at the bar,
deep in thought
- as though he's praying

the flower in your mind
- what a price to pay
for the sunset tonight

watching the sunset
hearing distant laughter
and thinking of heaven

lonely school girl
ignores the honks
of passing cars

so bored - until!
a portal!
another universe!

from the Corner Hotel
the beer takes the edge
as the train takes them home

beautiful power-lines
- keeping in touch
with ugly friends

think of all the stars
that shine
behind that blue sky!

a speck on a speck
on a speck
- this is your life

if i am the centre of the universe
that grain of sand
is my life!

im happy to be sad
if only she
can remain happy

in the warm sun
my leather jacket confirms
- yes, it's summer!

i find inspiration
in unusual places
- oh, drunkenness!

what would life be
without me? -
oh, beautiful death!

as the drinks toast,
trams rattle
- in the summer dusk

something isn't right
with this enjoyable life
- oh well, too late now

two shiny leather boots
remind me
of my loneliness

another writer!?
at this bar?!
what! how?

melbourne dusk
- when the phone rings
i'll ignore the ringing phone

two writers,
writing -
eye-contact

if god can read
my mind
- the joke is on me

if god can read
my mind
i understand the dusk

if god can read
my mind
the joke is on you

the beauty of
falling asleep
mid-sentence

sweet lips
spitting sour venom
- the newly-weds

the complacency
of the man
- already running late

my warm jacket
and the cold sunshine
love each other so much

a spike of excitement
awakes a dull day
- the telephone

same seat
same beer
same pub

sitting at the bar alone,
with memories
in every empty seat

my decisions
and the lack of them
led me here
to this morning
- we start drinking at 10am
after a couple of hours off
and a couple of hours sleep
- a telephone rings
so loud we already know
who it might be
- we can already guess
somebody's friend of a friend
answers it
and we listen into
the rejection of what promises to be
such a nice day
such a pleasant day
spent purely -
they say everything in moderation
i say - everything but this
friendships permanently intoxicated
with the indescribable meaning of life
tiny fragments of friendship
littered over weekends
by the carelessness
of a mellow-drunk
such friendly handwriting
read out-loud!
by someone we don't know
- but it's easy to get to know them
as we're popping pillows
and blankets
keeping warm
and staying cool
with cold beers
and fog -
a natural fog that calms us
protects us
and keeps us happy
and hidden
all those things we said
all those things we felt
thought
all those things we'll never know
-
we know them
we thought them
we felt them
we said them
-
boredom is drowned with
booze and laughter
the sunshine is shunned
and shadowed
by laziness
and greasy sun-cream
the northern?
we can hear the stereo better
from here -
what do you want to hear?
let's play it!
and shake our heads in amazement
as the blinds
on the windows of opportunity
and perfection
are closed
as we gaze out
and sense the faint taste
of realisation
of our own truths
of our own reality
- but live together
as friends, chosen
by one-another
- within a massive network
of people choosing people
of friends choosing friends
to spend time with
- just this once


its sadder now
a pillow away
from understanding
our little world
the two of us
amongst it all
the pillow world
against worlds
an observation
of a lonely man
a good man
lost mail
damp leaves
sticking to
young girls
setting suns
feeling sleepy
warm soup
a mother's smile
and some thick blankets
an uncle's beer breath
with some cheek kisses
sinking further
into friendship
tight hugs
unexpected
winks
that talk
in their sleep
and say most amazing things
at once
describable
and forgotten
wasted in dreams
we live for
so tiny
so distant
so insignificant
so warm
so sleepy


please listen to track #4 of the () sigur ros album (Njósnavélin)